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Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I am SO f**ing sick of the playstation, their phones, the Ipad...I want to smash them to bits.

199 replies

Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 19:40

Two DC, 12.5 and 14. Boys.

I'm sick of the endless need for gaming
I'm sick of the conversation always reverting back to gaming
I'm sick of being told they need more time, even after they've filled their boots
I'm sick of them coming off the gaming, to then shuffle towards their phones
I'm sick of asking them to come off and them asking for more - more screen, more Tik Tok, more stupid fucking
I'm sick of having to enforce a time or else it could quite possible be 24/7
I'm sick of being on holiday, in a great and exciting place, and them still thinking about being plugged in
I'm sick of constantly thinking of things for them do to ensure they have balance - daily, great activities with friends etc
I'm sick of getting up really early and late in the holidays, and have to squeeze work in at the beginning and end of day, to be available to ensure they have this balance
I'm sick of worrying about what their minds are becoming and what they're going to lose out on
I'm just sick of the whole fucking thing. Honestly. DS2 in particular, is so bright and curious and articulate. And yet he doesn't even want to read anymore.

And honestly, I'm not a dramatic person. I get screens are part of their life. But I'm so, so tired of it. I genuinely am. What kind of a life is this?

OP posts:
Tempone · 25/08/2023 19:41

I so agree, it's exhausting. I feel like their brains are being rotted.

Namechangedforthis25 · 25/08/2023 19:43

Ok but you are on your phone writing this so not the best example perhaps

Surely if they should be off their phone you should do it by having a no phones day for your family or whatever

Farmageddon · 25/08/2023 19:43

OP could you turn off the wifi for a few hours a day. Or impose time limits, just change the password and say the internet will only be on until X o clock. They might bitch and moan for a few days but they will get used to it.

In one way it's not their fault, these devices are addictive. I know plenty of adults who cannot self regulate, it's a lot to ask of children whose brains are still developing.

Original poster
Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 19:45

Namechangedforthis25 · 25/08/2023 19:43

Ok but you are on your phone writing this so not the best example perhaps

Surely if they should be off their phone you should do it by having a no phones day for your family or whatever

Do you have tweens/teens? How old are your kids, if you have them?

OP posts:
Original poster
Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 19:46

Farmageddon · 25/08/2023 19:43

OP could you turn off the wifi for a few hours a day. Or impose time limits, just change the password and say the internet will only be on until X o clock. They might bitch and moan for a few days but they will get used to it.

In one way it's not their fault, these devices are addictive. I know plenty of adults who cannot self regulate, it's a lot to ask of children whose brains are still developing.

I've done that. I've got a time allocation, then goes dead on their phone. I've got lots of restrictions but there are still lots of ways to do lots of screen.

I know it's addictive, I'm not even blaming them per se, I'm just fucking sick of it.

OP posts:
suitcasecoveredincathair · 25/08/2023 19:47

Namechangedforthis25 · 25/08/2023 19:43

Ok but you are on your phone writing this so not the best example perhaps

Surely if they should be off their phone you should do it by having a no phones day for your family or whatever

That makes absolutely no sense FFS.

Perhaps this is the first day she’s been online all year!

The point is that she’s sick of them being online all the fucking time!

The fact that she posted it online isn’t some type of gotcha. The internet is here for good, we need to be able to use it responsibly, not model Luddite behaviour.

OP I hear you. Boy do I hear you.

DerekFaker · 25/08/2023 19:48

Namechangedforthis25 · 25/08/2023 19:43

Ok but you are on your phone writing this so not the best example perhaps

Surely if they should be off their phone you should do it by having a no phones day for your family or whatever

Unless OP is on Mumsnet 24/7, totally obsessed, there's no comparison.

KomodoDodo · 25/08/2023 19:49

Amen, to all of it. Early teen house here and its non stop. Thing is we live miles from all my teens friends and its how they socialise so its hard to say no, esp when they don't want to do any of the non screen things you suggest.

Original poster
Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 19:51

suitcasecoveredincathair · 25/08/2023 19:47

That makes absolutely no sense FFS.

Perhaps this is the first day she’s been online all year!

The point is that she’s sick of them being online all the fucking time!

The fact that she posted it online isn’t some type of gotcha. The internet is here for good, we need to be able to use it responsibly, not model Luddite behaviour.

OP I hear you. Boy do I hear you.

Show quote history

Thank you @suitcasecoveredincathair 🙌Exactly. I've just got on to the laptop now, to do work I should have done around midday.

You know, I say I'm sick of it and I am, but actually it makes me really upset too. I feel sad about it.

OP posts:
Lightningspeed · 25/08/2023 19:53

Idk, during lock down I think we would all have gone fully mental if not for the Internet. It's just the way things are now, it's how they spend time with their friends. I can't say mine are bothered or obsessed if we go for a day out, but we don't do it often so they do see it as a treat. (poor)

HowardKirksConscience · 25/08/2023 19:54

I could have written this and my kid is 21. He’s obsessed with gaming and has been since he was about 14. I have another dc who isn’t bothered. But the 21yo’s life would have been quite different if gaming didn’t exist. He lives for gaming. He has no girlfriend and if he ever gets one, his gaming will put a massive strain on the relationship. He doesn’t read any more. His exam revision came a poor second to his gaming. It’s caused endless rows between us. He’s a different person when gaming - irritable, angry and frustrated, which is in direct contrast to his personality the rest of the time. I’m sick of it all.

CommonVetch · 25/08/2023 19:54

My 13yo dd's friends' parents place zero restrictions on their phone use, but are worried about letting them on the bus or train to town. Whereas I'd much rather dd blow a tenner on a milkshake and cheap tat with her mates but nobody is allowed to go out with her. Madness.

MrsKwazi · 25/08/2023 19:55

Same here OP! I hear you and feel the same

Badbadbunny · 25/08/2023 19:55

I really wouldn't necessarily worry about their minds and future etc. We went through this with our DC who stopped reading and spent all his time on the xbox, ipad, laptop, etc instead. Rather than being detrimental, it's actually proved quite good really. He never played simple/mindless games - it was always creative/building games such as lego, minecraft, and then onto Fifa, Farming simulator, etc., where it was all about trading, building, business, etc., so it gave him a real interest in economics and business. He got mostly 9s at GCSE and A* at A level, just graduated with a First in Financial Maths and starts his first job at an international insurance firm next month. We really worried all the screen time would turn his brain to mush, but in fact it did the opposite, it gave him interests and he learned a lot from them. His social life is also fine, went out a lot at Uni and made some good long term friends. I think we worry too much really about screens. I was distraught when he stopped reading as we'd spent a lot of time and effort getting him into reading, but his vocabularly, knowledge, literacy etc is absolutely fine without him reading novels, Shakespeare, poetry etc. I think it's more a matter of what they're actually doing on the screens, rather than being on the screens.

Madamlulu · 25/08/2023 19:55

Agree it's totally shit. My boys are same age as yours. Think this is an addiction, I've had to change my own behaviours recently to try to be less addicted. It's not good and we need to find a way to help our kids get pleasure elsewhere x

PhantomUnicorn · 25/08/2023 19:56

i think you need to let go, honestly.

The more you restrict it, the more you're making it the forbidden fruit.

I get that you want them to have 'balance' but those are YOUR wants, have you actually sat down and asked them what THEY want to do?

I'm a gamer, when i have free time i'm either playing games on my laptop, the xbox, my phone. I occasionally might have a couple of hours a day where i have a film on and i sit and do something more practical, like my knitting or cross-stich, or build some lego.. but otherwise, i'm gaming, so are my teens (14 and 17)

It's their summer break, they're not allowed on before 8am or after 9pm, and once or twice a week i drag them out to do something, like bowling, or take them for lunch, but otherwise, they're left to their own devices.

You're making yourself sick of it by fighting against allowing 2 intelligent teens to please themselves in their own free time.

Would you appreciate someone constantly telling you that your hobby isn't ok, or that your way of spending your day isn't good enough?

Leave them alone.

Original poster
Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 19:56

HowardKirksConscience · 25/08/2023 19:54

I could have written this and my kid is 21. He’s obsessed with gaming and has been since he was about 14. I have another dc who isn’t bothered. But the 21yo’s life would have been quite different if gaming didn’t exist. He lives for gaming. He has no girlfriend and if he ever gets one, his gaming will put a massive strain on the relationship. He doesn’t read any more. His exam revision came a poor second to his gaming. It’s caused endless rows between us. He’s a different person when gaming - irritable, angry and frustrated, which is in direct contrast to his personality the rest of the time. I’m sick of it all.

I'm so sorry. That's awful.

OP posts:
Turtlegurl888 · 25/08/2023 19:58

Kids now grow up with constant use of technology being the norm. When I was their age it was MSN and MySpace for hours after school, although we weren't walking around with mini computers in our pockets like we do now with phones so couldn't be quite as chronically online. It is socialisation too. 24/7 I can see how it gets annoying but I think it's just the way it is now to an extent. Toddlers have tablets and watch Youtube. It's very easy to get sucked into video games screen time is addictive. I think we can remember a time in the good ol' days when you had to socialise in person, make your own fun, even read gasp whereas kids now don't know anything different really than everything online.

Do they do any extra curricular or sports clubs etc?

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 19:59

We are having exactly the same issue. He lost it all for a few weeks a month ago and was again reading and generally a lot more pleasant. He cannot regulate so we have to step in or he'd be on 24/7. We allow the phone which to be fair he does need to make plans to go out. But holiday is constant when can I have it nag nag nag.

Not allowing it 100% isn't the right approach I don't think but I'm so desperate to be able to reach him some restraint.

CantThinkOfANameAtAll · 25/08/2023 20:00

I think kids don't really know what to do if they don't have gaming, or tv streaming or tiktok. Even their friends do it so they talk about it.

No real ideas but I know when we go away as a family we take ludo, snakes n ladders and cards for gin rummy etc as the signal is usually rubbish for TV or data. Could you have a family couple of hours with a board game, or take them to a library to choose one book which they read in this no tech time? Or a family bike ride for 30 min etc. Even if its only twice a week it could show them there is life away from screens.

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 20:00

Badbadbunny · 25/08/2023 19:55

I really wouldn't necessarily worry about their minds and future etc. We went through this with our DC who stopped reading and spent all his time on the xbox, ipad, laptop, etc instead. Rather than being detrimental, it's actually proved quite good really. He never played simple/mindless games - it was always creative/building games such as lego, minecraft, and then onto Fifa, Farming simulator, etc., where it was all about trading, building, business, etc., so it gave him a real interest in economics and business. He got mostly 9s at GCSE and A* at A level, just graduated with a First in Financial Maths and starts his first job at an international insurance firm next month. We really worried all the screen time would turn his brain to mush, but in fact it did the opposite, it gave him interests and he learned a lot from them. His social life is also fine, went out a lot at Uni and made some good long term friends. I think we worry too much really about screens. I was distraught when he stopped reading as we'd spent a lot of time and effort getting him into reading, but his vocabularly, knowledge, literacy etc is absolutely fine without him reading novels, Shakespeare, poetry etc. I think it's more a matter of what they're actually doing on the screens, rather than being on the screens.

I wish I could say the same but it's TikTok fortnite and other crap for us.

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 20:02

Namechangedforthis25 · 25/08/2023 19:43

Ok but you are on your phone writing this so not the best example perhaps

Surely if they should be off their phone you should do it by having a no phones day for your family or whatever

Why would you even waste your finger energy on this totally useless post.

Original poster
Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 20:02

HauntedPencil · 25/08/2023 19:59

We are having exactly the same issue. He lost it all for a few weeks a month ago and was again reading and generally a lot more pleasant. He cannot regulate so we have to step in or he'd be on 24/7. We allow the phone which to be fair he does need to make plans to go out. But holiday is constant when can I have it nag nag nag.

Not allowing it 100% isn't the right approach I don't think but I'm so desperate to be able to reach him some restraint.

Mine can't regulate. That's the worry.

OP posts:
Araminta34 · 25/08/2023 20:03

I agree that it's very hard to monitor screen use, but the Internet is here to stay, so ways need to be found of regulating it.
Most parents appear to set time limits, and that's the only thing that seems to work.

I was a bit sad recently when I saw a mum on her phone at the bus stop. She had a baby in a pushchair who could only be a few months old, and he was propped up with an iPad in front of him.

Allthescreens · 25/08/2023 20:03

I totally hear you. Hence the username 😏

I am kind of lucky that they are still interested in other things, but screens are always on their minds. The younger Dses (12 but autistic so younger & 9) I can still take to the park etc which limits screens. But even sleepovers for DS3 revolve around screens.

DS1 (14) in some ways struggles with it more. Comes downstairs early to go on screens (none allowed upstairs or after 9.30pm). But the couple of times he has met friends IRL this holiday, the change in his behaviour has been remarkable. He has been so happy, lively, bubbly, not like some angry, stressed zombie.

I mourn the little kids they used to be & am scared of screens taking over.