Page 4 | I am SO f**ing sick of the playstation, their phones, the Ipad...I want to smash them to bits.

Findmeahammer · 2023-08-25T18:40:02+00:00

Two DC, 12.5 and 14. Boys. I'm sick of the endless need for gaming I'm sick of the conversation always reverting back to gaming I'm sick of being told they need more time, even after they've filled their boots I'm sick of them coming off the gaming, to then shuffle towards their phones I'm sick of asking them to come off and them asking for more - more screen, more Tik Tok, more stupid fucking I'm sick of having to enforce a time or else it could quite possible be 24/7 I'm sick of being on holiday, in a great and exciting place, and them still thinking about being plugged in I'm sick of constantly thinking of things for them do to ensure they have balance - daily, great activities with friends etc I'm sick of getting up really early and late in the holidays, and have to squeeze work in at the beginning and end of day, to be available to ensure they have this balance I'm sick of worrying about what their minds are becoming and what they're going to lose out on I'm just sick of the whole fucking thing. Honestly. DS2 in particular, is so bright and curious and articulate. And yet he doesn't even want to read anymore. And honestly, I'm not a dramatic person. I get screens are part of their life. But I'm so, so tired of it. I genuinely am. What kind of a life is this?

Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 25/08/2023 21:19

Namechangedforthis25 · 25/08/2023 19:43

Ok but you are on your phone writing this so not the best example perhaps

Surely if they should be off their phone you should do it by having a no phones day for your family or whatever

Could you be any more patronising or unhelpful? Clearly your kids are all under 6 or over 30…..

Tinkerbyebye · 25/08/2023 21:21

Switch the wifi of in the evening and not on until lunchtime.

Alittlenonsensenowandthen · 25/08/2023 21:23

You've literally written my brain!

Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 25/08/2023 21:23

Theborder · 25/08/2023 20:19

YABU. Just leave them to it. It’s 6 weeks, it’s not the end of the world. My 13 year old has gamed the whole holiday bar our one week trip to Spain and the odd outing with friends. He is superb at school and works very hard during term time. It’s fine.

Good for you do you want a medal? Clearly this isn’t the case for the op….

Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 25/08/2023 21:23

Youdoyoutoday · 25/08/2023 20:37

Dickhead comment of the day winner!! 🍾

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👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

NationMcKinley · 25/08/2023 21:24

I hear you OP. It does my fucking head in. My eldest DS spends half his time with his head buried in his phone. I hate it. He’s just got very average GCSEs - nowhere near his predicted grades and honestly I blame his sodding phone and of course, myself. He does have screen time controls so he can’t be on it from 9pm - 7am but that’s still a lot of time. Most of their GCSE revision material is screen based so it’s very difficult to police. It feels like Pandoras Box really.

He has 2 younger siblings and I am absolutely clamping down on screen time now. It won’t bloody kill them. My eldest used to be a massive book worm, the other day he announced rather loftily that “I don’t read” WTF. We have a house FULL of books.

So depressing.

Can I borrow that hammer when you’ve finished with it?

Original poster

Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 21:25

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines - previously banned poster.

Sadly very untrue. They enjoy me playing with them. It validates the experience.

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Lightningspeed · 25/08/2023 21:27

People hyper manage every moment of their kids lives and then act gormless when they are not capable of getting on a bus, or organising their own time. Even when I was at sixth form there were people whose parents were uber controlling. They couldn't stay out past 9,or go anywhere without scrutiny.

I was crap at sixth form, had like 70% attendance and a part time job. I still did well.

BertieBotts · 25/08/2023 21:27

This is actually really good and actionable, and different from the usual suggestions to just turn it off, have time limits etc.

I'm not worried about eldest DS's screen time any more but if I was I would be following this. Or for DS2/3 in the future.

https://slate.com/human-interest/2010/05/how-to-motivate-an-inert-child.html

How to motivate an inert child.

We've written often for Slate about specific behaviors that parents want to develop or discourage in their children, but there is more to family life...

https://slate.com/human-interest/2010/05/how-to-motivate-an-inert-child.html

suitcasecoveredincathair · 25/08/2023 21:28

Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 21:17

I'm curious how a child with ADHD reacts with the screen - can you simply not tear them away? I wonder about one of the DC...

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I’m sure there are as many different reactions as there are people but DS gets such a dopamine hit from it. I can tear him away and he’s actually a lovely and helpful kid but needs constant direction. If I ask him to take the bins out he’ll do it quite cheerfully because he knows what to do and that he can come back and play right away. Mealtimes are also fine (after maybe a year of arguments). The rest, well it’s a nightmare.

(Inattentive type ADHD, he’s a very calm and gentle, relaxed child, not hyperactive.)

Original poster

Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 21:29

BertieBotts · 25/08/2023 21:27

This is actually really good and actionable, and different from the usual suggestions to just turn it off, have time limits etc.

I'm not worried about eldest DS's screen time any more but if I was I would be following this. Or for DS2/3 in the future.

https://slate.com/human-interest/2010/05/how-to-motivate-an-inert-child.html

Thanks, I like Slate, I'll read this. Why are you not worried about your eldest screen usage anymore - because of this article?

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Original poster

Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 21:30

suitcasecoveredincathair · 25/08/2023 21:28

I’m sure there are as many different reactions as there are people but DS gets such a dopamine hit from it. I can tear him away and he’s actually a lovely and helpful kid but needs constant direction. If I ask him to take the bins out he’ll do it quite cheerfully because he knows what to do and that he can come back and play right away. Mealtimes are also fine (after maybe a year of arguments). The rest, well it’s a nightmare.

(Inattentive type ADHD, he’s a very calm and gentle, relaxed child, not hyperactive.)

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Hmmm, constant direction...that's interesting. Sorry to be a pain, but could you elaborate what that looks like?

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Original poster

Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 21:31

NationMcKinley · 25/08/2023 21:24

I hear you OP. It does my fucking head in. My eldest DS spends half his time with his head buried in his phone. I hate it. He’s just got very average GCSEs - nowhere near his predicted grades and honestly I blame his sodding phone and of course, myself. He does have screen time controls so he can’t be on it from 9pm - 7am but that’s still a lot of time. Most of their GCSE revision material is screen based so it’s very difficult to police. It feels like Pandoras Box really.

He has 2 younger siblings and I am absolutely clamping down on screen time now. It won’t bloody kill them. My eldest used to be a massive book worm, the other day he announced rather loftily that “I don’t read” WTF. We have a house FULL of books.

So depressing.

Can I borrow that hammer when you’ve finished with it?

How do you clamp down when they get to a certain age without the battles and alienating them? I'm genuinely curious.

I'm sorry your son didn't fulfil his potential. That's my fear, too. And it's distinctly possible.

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suitcasecoveredincathair · 25/08/2023 21:32

Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 21:30

Hmmm, constant direction...that's interesting. Sorry to be a pain, but could you elaborate what that looks like?

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Not a pain at all. I’ll DM you in the morning (feel free to give me a nudge if I forget 😊)

nutbrownhare15 · 25/08/2023 21:32

Can you have a chat to them about how they would like to balance screens with other aspects of their life? Just open up the conversation as something you might be able to solve together.

Lightningspeed · 25/08/2023 21:33

What do people think these kids will do when you no longer have control? What do you want them to do for 16 hours a day when it's holidays or downtime? What are are people expecting? I just don't get it. When I was 16 I would spend most of my time in my room, no Internet, but TV aplenty.

throughgrittedteeth · 25/08/2023 21:35

CommonVetch · 25/08/2023 19:54

My 13yo dd's friends' parents place zero restrictions on their phone use, but are worried about letting them on the bus or train to town. Whereas I'd much rather dd blow a tenner on a milkshake and cheap tat with her mates but nobody is allowed to go out with her. Madness.

Exactly this. So many people don't realise that there are far fewer risks out in the "real world" compared to online. I work in child safety and I have a 12yo DS and I wish I could wing his phone into the sea daily.

Original poster

Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 21:35

Lightningspeed · 25/08/2023 21:33

What do people think these kids will do when you no longer have control? What do you want them to do for 16 hours a day when it's holidays or downtime? What are are people expecting? I just don't get it. When I was 16 I would spend most of my time in my room, no Internet, but TV aplenty.

You know, I feel how I feel. I'm sorry it doesn't jibe with how you feel about this stuff, but it doesn't mean I'm wrong. So I'm delighted life worked out for you great, and watching TV aplenty was no problem, but gaming and screens are now different - educate yourself, please. This has got nothing to do with micro management either.

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Jamtartforme · 25/08/2023 21:39

Furrydogmum · 25/08/2023 20:07

My 21yr old son admits now, that he was online far more than I knew, when he should have been studying for his GCSEs. He's studying for a Physics degree now, but it slowed his progress.. Do what you can to limit them, I wish I had.

Yes, we have no screens in this house bar CBeebies on telly and DD will get a mobile when she goes to secondary school. She’s 4 and some people are incredulous we’ve managed this long without a tablet or letting her play games on our phones

Lightningspeed · 25/08/2023 21:39

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MrsMarzetti · 25/08/2023 21:39

YABU simply because as the parent you have control. Set hours and keep to them. Take the phones and let them have them when they need them or do you have a fear of them missing out. You pay the bills so you make the rules.

Lightningspeed · 25/08/2023 21:47

Tbh these kids blocked from tech will be at a severe disadvantage in the future. Both of my boys know at least the basics of coding, I haven't a fucking clue tbh. There are a lot of kids who have only interacted with phones and android etc and have zero clue about computers.

mumofteenss · 25/08/2023 21:47

Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 20:34

This sort of post is so frustrating to me. We are not speaking the same language, or about the same stuff. I think you can see that - and it just feels like a stealth boast.

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Lol, its not a stealth boast. It was more along of the lines of letting you see that they can achieve and gain valuable life skills if you embrace their hobbies with them, and show in interest in their interests, rather than see it as a negative.

Original poster

Findmeahammer · 25/08/2023 21:49

suitcasecoveredincathair · 25/08/2023 21:32

Not a pain at all. I’ll DM you in the morning (feel free to give me a nudge if I forget 😊)

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Tried

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Somanycats · 25/08/2023 21:50

Leave them alone. This is not your life to lead. Game with them if they'll have you. Get good. The funniest evenings we ever had were when I co-opted myself into ds and his mates online gaming teams. Oh the language I heard! How hard they had to fight to win with me on their side.
And now age 28, they are home owners, gym owners, police officers, army officers, fashion designers and one I swear is a spy. Wives and girlfriends galore, degrees and masters in abundance. Don't fall out with your precious offspring over gaming. It really makes no difference to the quality of their lives it just makes you seem pissy.