AIBU? Other half preventing us from going on holiday even though I’m paying for everything

[HC1718]

This is totally a first world problem so I’m going to start by apologising for that.

AIBU to be really upset with my other half for preventing us from going on holiday with my DS(5) to Florida next year even though I will be paying for everything (literally everything!)

Our relationship has a complete imbalance as I am a high earner and his salary is fairly low. I have always paid for pretty much everything and I gave up a long time ago asking him to contribute to things for our son (I pay for all the child care, clothes, shoes, school uniform, clubs/activities, birthday/Xmas presents, birthday parties etc), the only contribution he makes is to half the food shop and a third of the mortgage, everything else (including all the bills) are paid by me. Now, I have never had an issue with this as I don’t believe that the only contribution to the family is financial. However, I’m also the one that has to organise everything, cook the dinner, make sure there is bread and milk available, deal with DS’s social life, do DSs homework with him, fix things around the house (other half has self declared he has no practical skills and refuses to even attempt these things even with a YouTube tutorial), etc. Other half goes to work, comes back, has a shower, eats dinner, washes the dishes (which he will make a massive deal about that he has done it), watches some TV and sleeps, so he has a pretty sweet deal in all of this. My biggest issue is that I take on all of the mental workload for the family.

One of the things I really need is a holiday every year. My job and home life are stressful and I need to have something to look forward to. I also want my DS to have happy holiday memories. I have approached the subject of going to Florida next August, but my other half is kicking off at even the mention of it as he has decided it is not the holiday that he wants, and he wants to decide what we do if we go anywhere. My issue is that I will be paying for literally everything (including food, drinks, attractions, car hire etc), this is somewhere that I want to go and is also where DS has been asking to go for ages (the power of the TV adverts have got to him).

AIBU for feeling that he should be more open to going on holiday and that he cannot expect to make us go on a holiday that he wants if he’s not paying for it. If I go on holiday without him, then how do I explain to DS that his Dad refused to come on holiday with us?

I'd go without him, sounds like he would make it a miserable experience if he was there anyway.

I'd also be leaving the CF.

Just go without him.

And maybe reassess your relationship.

What is he bringing to the relationship?

Why are you spending your life with this man? He sounds pretty miserable and selfish.

Go without him.

Just tell him he doesn't need to join you. You cqn invite anyone you want to spend time with

It shouldn't be a big deal to explain to your ds that his dad didn't fancy the holiday.

You can't make him want to go.
You can only control whether you and your ds have the trip you both want.

He sounds like a fun sponge though.

He's not actually contributing anything to your relationship, is he?

Tell him you'll do two holidays next year - you'll pick one and pay for it, he can pick the other......and pay for it

Go without him. Consider what does he actually bring to the relationship and whether you may be better off without him.

Split up and you’ll have a much better life

Go without him. Tell DS the truth - he didn’t want to come.

What's the point of him? Just dump him and enjoy life.

Gently - a holiday in Florida is the least of your problems.

I would hazard a guest that choice of holiday destination is not the only thing he controls in your relationship.

This is no way to live and I think you recognise this. It is fortunate you work in a high paid job so you can seriously consider leaving a setting up your own home. I would strongly recommend you give some serious thought to planning your departure in the very near future and certainly in time for a trip to Florida next August

Tell him that you're booking the holiday for you and ds next week and he needs to let you know whether he intends to come with you or choose and pay for his own holiday.

Long term I'd be having a good think about whether being a single parent might be easier than parenting a five year old and a man baby.

Tell him you'll go where he wants as well - if he pays for it.

I think separate the money out of the equation.
My STBXH earned much more than me and I would’ve hated to feel I had no say on where we went for our family holiday as he was paying for it by virtue of earning more.

Regardless of the money side though, you should be able to have a calm conversation about holiday plans and it sounds rubbish that you can’t.

This post is beyond tragic because you are ignoring the real issue. What is it exactly that he beings to the table? He washes the dishes, chuck him and get a dishwasher. It'll be cheaper in the long run, more reliable and you can swap it out every 10 years or so for a newer model.

Take a think about what you are both modeling to your son. He is his closest male role model, are you seriously OK with your son growing up to be like him? Are you happy to demonstrate that women should just suck it up around useless lumps?

Of course yanbu. Go on the holiday you want to go on and your son wants as well. From a very simple view it is 2:1 so he is out voted. In all seriousness I'd make a list of the positives of having him in your life and the negatives, be completely honest with yourself. It isn't easy to leave a partner but he isn't what a partner should be. A true partner raises you up they don't drag you down.

I agree that a financial contribution is not everything, and there are many other attributes to a healthy, loving partnership. But from your post (and I appreciate that this is just a snapshot in time), I am struggling to see anything that your partner contributes. What does he bring to the relationship and home? What good things do you get from this relationship?

That aside, to answer your immediate question, I think a serious holiday conversation is required. Maybe show him your post. It is clear that after all the mental and financial load you carry, you definitely need a break, and it is also clear that his load is a lot less heavy. As such, I don't think he has the right to veto your choices.

Some posters have said go without him - which frankly I would support - but I think you need permission from both parents to travel abroad, so you need to get him on board (excuse the pun!) sooner or later. Good luck.

Why have you settled for this ?
just go without him and tell your ds that daddy didn't want to come. Not wanting to go to Florida is the least of your problems.

Go without him. Let him have and pay for his own holiday.

Just book it and go. Tell your child daddy couldn’t come, you don’t need to say any more than that

but I would also be looking at the whole relationship tbh.

and if he wants a holiday he can book and pay for his own

This

Sell it to your DS as a special break just you and him.

I'm guessing your partner doesn't do lions share of kids entertaining either...

Go without him! He can arrange and pay for his own holiday if he wants to go somewhere else.

Also realistically consider if this is the relationship you want to be in. He contributes essentially nothing and yet apparently behaves like an entitled little brat with your money.

Definitely go without him , and tell him to find somewhere else to live.

I know someone who had this and just went.

It gave the other partner the kick up the arse that they needed.

Just go.