AIBU? Other half preventing us from going on holiday even though I’m paying for everything

[HC1718]

This is totally a first world problem so I’m going to start by apologising for that.

AIBU to be really upset with my other half for preventing us from going on holiday with my DS(5) to Florida next year even though I will be paying for everything (literally everything!)

Our relationship has a complete imbalance as I am a high earner and his salary is fairly low. I have always paid for pretty much everything and I gave up a long time ago asking him to contribute to things for our son (I pay for all the child care, clothes, shoes, school uniform, clubs/activities, birthday/Xmas presents, birthday parties etc), the only contribution he makes is to half the food shop and a third of the mortgage, everything else (including all the bills) are paid by me. Now, I have never had an issue with this as I don’t believe that the only contribution to the family is financial. However, I’m also the one that has to organise everything, cook the dinner, make sure there is bread and milk available, deal with DS’s social life, do DSs homework with him, fix things around the house (other half has self declared he has no practical skills and refuses to even attempt these things even with a YouTube tutorial), etc. Other half goes to work, comes back, has a shower, eats dinner, washes the dishes (which he will make a massive deal about that he has done it), watches some TV and sleeps, so he has a pretty sweet deal in all of this. My biggest issue is that I take on all of the mental workload for the family.

One of the things I really need is a holiday every year. My job and home life are stressful and I need to have something to look forward to. I also want my DS to have happy holiday memories. I have approached the subject of going to Florida next August, but my other half is kicking off at even the mention of it as he has decided it is not the holiday that he wants, and he wants to decide what we do if we go anywhere. My issue is that I will be paying for literally everything (including food, drinks, attractions, car hire etc), this is somewhere that I want to go and is also where DS has been asking to go for ages (the power of the TV adverts have got to him).

AIBU for feeling that he should be more open to going on holiday and that he cannot expect to make us go on a holiday that he wants if he’s not paying for it. If I go on holiday without him, then how do I explain to DS that his Dad refused to come on holiday with us?

go without him and ask him to pack his bags while you're gone?

And his good points are?

Well he's got it made with you, hasn't he?
What does he bring to your life that makes all this shit worth it?

Why don’t you leave him, and then you’ll have one less person to pay for on the holiday.
you’ll still do the same amount of childcare, housework and mental load but have one less person to pay for and manage.
you may even get some CMS and be financially better off too.

not sure why you’d want a man in your house, sponging off you and being a drain and controlling as well! What value is he adding to you or your son? And what sort of role model is he here.
enjoy Florida op!

Can I introduce you to ‘Holiday Rules’? These were established in my household years ago. Basically once a vacation is planned everyone is on their own to make sure they join. So if one person can’t make it for some reason (or in your case doesn’t want to go) everyone else will feel bad as they wave from the airplane window… and then forget about them.

Go without him. Or if you have a single mum friend that would like a holiday companion perhaps you could pair up and go together.

As everyone else has said, I would go without him without a second thought.

There are so many women on here putting up with completely useless and controlling men.

Come on, OP. You know you deserve better than this man.

What a fucking fun sponge!!!!!

Make your plans and go.

If he wants to plan some other holiday let him crack on (&,pay,) You get 5 weeks plus bank hols every year you can do 2 holidays.

Florida is magical but a word of caution about august iit s ball meltingly hot and humid... i got heat stroke twice on a 14 day hol to disney at 14 years old. Deeply unpleasant.

Absolutely book the holiday for you and DS and leave the cocklodger at home with a note to pack his bags before you get home

Go without him. He sounds insufferable

To be fair I wouldn’t want to go to Florida on holiday and neither would my DH, however we earn about the same and agree in holidays together.

Do you have a friend or relative you could go with for adult company, or just take your child on your own? There are definitely bigger problems in your relationship than holiday destinations.

Yabu because you’re a complete mug

Why are you with this cocklodging prick?
Do you have really low self esteem?

Darling partner or darling burden..... Or darling cock lodger. Personally I couldn't cope with a scrounging DCL like that. Let's hope your son doesnt grow up to role model scroungey cocklodging!

What exactly does he bring to the relationship?

Why exactly are you still in a relationship with him. Doesn't sound like he contributes anything to it that couldn't be covered by you buying a dishwasher. Probably be cheaper in the long run!

Book it and go without him.

'I've decided to take DS to Florida next august, I'm going to book next month so have a think and let me know if you're coming'

Stop asking him

He's probably "a great dad" 🙄

OP, what on earth do you see in this useless specimen?

Is there someone else you could take - a grandparent or sibling?
If possible I would not ask him again just book and go with your child and someone else- start getting excited and start planning. He had his chance. Bet he doesn't ignore your holiday ideas again.

I’d start by renaming him 15%, he’s falling very short of ‘other half’

Sounds rubbish and you probably should go just the two of you, but just to play devli's advocate – Florida is not just theme parks. There are many beautiful natural wonders – everglades, the keys, cultural stuff ...... what kind of holiday does he want, has he said? Could you compromise and do half and half? Preferably with him forking out for some of what he wants to do!

ffs Go without him. Anyway you have told him when/where you are going. He can enjoy or stay home.

He’s a hindrance. Don’t settle for this.