Treating grandkids differently in Will

[GloriaVictoria]

Need to rewrite my Will following a recent bereavement.

For various reasons I would prefer to leave most of my money to my grandkids rather than my 2 sons. DSs are both in their 50s and my thinking is that the money could be put to better use in giving 20-somethings a helping hand. DSs will get something but not massive amounts.

My first problem is that one DGS has learning difficulties and behavioural problems and is living in supported accommodation. He does not work and will probably never be able to live independently. Any money would need to be under the control of a trustee, adding a level of complication, and with no real guarantee that the money would be used wisely. (A holiday would be fine but I object to paying for his carers to accompany him.) Yet it doesn't seem fair to exclude him completely when his sister stands to inherit a nice chunk. Does it seem reasonable to leave him a token amount, say £1000?

Secondly, what do you think about not leaving anything at all to a DGS who doesn't seem to want a relationship, to the point of not being invited to his wedding and christenings? We haven't had a falling out (that I'm aware of) just that we have never been close. Lives 40 miles away so I wasn't around when he was younger so we never really got to know each other. Is it spiteful and selfish to exclude him? Sounds like emotional blackmail doesn't it, keep in touch if you want to get anything when I'm gone.

Please be gentle.

@CoteDOpale

If the family is the sort that will fight over money ,and admittedly there seem to be many of that sort, the OP cannot fix them in death just as she couldn't not fix them in life.

People who became angry over the distribution of funds to which they have no entitlement are beyond fixing. OP's. assets are meant to be a gift not a cure.

You sound thoroughly spiteful OP.

No one is owed an inheritance, but if you can't bring yourself to treat your children with equal care and respect, just leave it all to charity. That's preferable to treating them unfairly and leaving a whole load of upset in your wake. Though that seems to be what you want as your legacy

You put trust in a care team to support your grandson because your family don’t want to do it… but you resent them being able to do anything fun with him? Miserable. Regardless of anything else, this aside frames what kind of person you are. Maybe save yourself the stress of trying to divvy the money out and just plan a nice party for when you die so everyone can enjoy it?

Wow .... "I object to paying for carer" that's nasty which I suspect you are in general. And not treating DGC equally could cause long lasting damage.