Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Was this text ok to my mum?

298 replies

user86654110 · 25/08/2023 08:16

My mother said I treat her like a slave and asked her not to treat her like a maid all the time after this text to her.

I asked her to clarify and she said my text message to her was rude and I didn't say please.

For context I'm mid-30s with 2 young kids (she was picking me and the kids up which was pre-agreed).

I thought I was being quite calm having to wait 40mins with the children but maybe IABU after all and am a rude and terrible daughter.

Need honesty here please! I'm an only child so can't ask any siblings for reference.

Was this text ok to my mum?
OP posts:
TidyDancer · 25/08/2023 08:18

Yeah I do think that comes across a bit bluntly tbh but it's difficult to tell how much that is just the way you speak to each other. I think you could've been more polite and grateful though.

Motomum23 · 25/08/2023 08:19

Yes it's rude and short. Where is your please??
I would have put 'kids are really hot outside so will wait inside can you text when you have parked please and we will come out to you, thanks mum'

ImGoingThroughChanges · 25/08/2023 08:20

I think it’s a bit rude too. A couple of “thanks” and a “would you mind” would go a long way.

Russooooo · 25/08/2023 08:21

What was she picking you up for? And how difficult is it to park near you? My mum wouldn’t think twice about a message like that, but without the context, it’s hard.

Original poster
user86654110 · 25/08/2023 08:21

Yikes 😬 ok thanks!

OP posts:
sunflowerdaisyrose · 25/08/2023 08:21

Your last text was a little blunt but not awful!

Keyworks · 25/08/2023 08:21

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

maddening · 25/08/2023 08:22

I didn't see an issue with it - not to the extent that you are described as rude or terrible!

FrogsAreMean · 25/08/2023 08:23

I think your texts are perfectly fine

SuperSange · 25/08/2023 08:23

Well she's not wrong, you didn't say please. 🤷🏻‍♀️

moomoosaka · 25/08/2023 08:23

Yes. I'd find that rude.

towriteyoumustlive · 25/08/2023 08:23

A little bossy writing "park the car " but the message seems fine to me!

I personally wouldn't take offence to it as it is clear and to the point.

Tryingtokeepcalmandcarryon · 25/08/2023 08:23

Do you think this might be one of those ‘straw that broke the camels back’ moments? If your mum says you treat her like a ‘slave’ and a ‘maid’ sounds like there is way more to it than this one situation and this has been building for a while.

Does she regularly do lots of lifts for you, at random times? Does she look after the children regularly for you etc? Maybe you need to sit down and have a chat with her about how she’s feeling as there’s clearly resentment there.

FightingFate · 25/08/2023 08:24

If I was sent that, I wouldn’t think it was rude. You had said please and thanks previously in the conversation so obviously didn’t mean it badly and the emoji helps too.

If she takes things like that as rude then you’ll have to be more careful how you word things in future with her. Text can sometimes have an unintended tone.

Brefugee · 25/08/2023 08:24

it is quite blunt. If i was doing my DD a favour and she was "asking" me to vary the arrangement (does she have to park then walk somewhere to meet you and then walk back? i wouldn't fancy that in the heat - especially not without a "do you mind..." or "please would you...")

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 25/08/2023 08:25

Blimey - yes you were rude.

Ohhshite · 25/08/2023 08:26

I don’t think it was rude, but it was very direct. I had some advice from somebody, they said that it’s better to call in these circumstances, as sometimes messages can be lost in translation, or miscommunicated, have an underlying tone etc. If you had said ‘can you please park the car first/is it ok if you park and let us know when you’re here please’, that may have been better…

Findyourneutralspace · 25/08/2023 08:26

It does sound a bit like you are clicking your fingers. You probably didn’t mean it too but the subtleties get lost in texts.

The ‘Can you come and get us please’ is where it starts. I’d probably have said something like ‘we’re ready now’.

And the last message could have been more ‘would you mind’. It sounds like she’s put herself out to come for you and it’s been taken for granted a bit.

anunlikelyseahorse · 25/08/2023 08:26

Your say it was a prearranged pick up, but had you arranged a definite time? Only asking as you're first message is requesting her to come and get you.

cinnamonfrenchtoast · 25/08/2023 08:26

The messages are quite...demanding to me. They read more like they were sent by a 15yo, not a mother of two in her thirties 😳

moomoosaka · 25/08/2023 08:26

Findyourneutralspace · 25/08/2023 08:26

It does sound a bit like you are clicking your fingers. You probably didn’t mean it too but the subtleties get lost in texts.

The ‘Can you come and get us please’ is where it starts. I’d probably have said something like ‘we’re ready now’.

And the last message could have been more ‘would you mind’. It sounds like she’s put herself out to come for you and it’s been taken for granted a bit.

Yes i agree. It's very do this, do that.

VitaminDee · 25/08/2023 08:28

It depends on your relationship. I would have that kind of exchange with my husband and it would be fine. But not my sister for example.

Context matters. It sounds like she feels a bit taken for granted and this might be the last straw.

WhenIWasAFieldMyself · 25/08/2023 08:28

Yes, it does sound a little bit like you're telling a paid taxi driver what to do. And a bit precious about not wanting to wait outside because it's hot when someone has got in a car and driven to fetch you.

It's the problem a bit with messaging systems though, my accountant always terrified me and makes me think he's going to have unearthed that I owe eleventy billion in unpaid taxes but when I see him face to face he's lovely. We just come across differently if we're not careful in quick SM messages.

However, for her to have exploded at you sounds as though you possibly don't show enough gratitude for what she does for you, so maybe just explain that you really are very thankful.

Original poster
user86654110 · 25/08/2023 08:28

anunlikelyseahorse · 25/08/2023 08:26

Your say it was a prearranged pick up, but had you arranged a definite time? Only asking as you're first message is requesting her to come and get you.

It was pre arranged that she would pick us up some time in the morning with 20min notice because it takes 20min to drive there (school orientation for the kids).

To answer PP, no she doesn't do regular childcare or give us lifts everywhere - we got a taxi to the school this morning. I'm buying a car so this is a short term fix.

OP posts:
Callmemummynotmaaa · 25/08/2023 08:29

Op, I wonder if what your mum means is that…her messages to you tell you she has a lot going on (cleaner, baking, house stuff) even though it may not register as important to you (I know with two toddlers in my house chaos looks a bit different!) but…it seems to important be to her? And was possibly stressful to manage.

I’d have texted back ‘Ah sorry it’s been a frustrating am mom. Kids playing up here too! Hope you get the issues sorted.”

Then depending on the reason for the lift: “we’ve to be X by Y, do you still think it’s possible for you? “

or “putting pressure on but if you could let me know an ETA it would be great. Thanks”