Was this text ok to my mum?

[user86654110]

My mother said I treat her like a slave and asked her not to treat her like a maid all the time after this text to her.

I asked her to clarify and she said my text message to her was rude and I didn't say please.

For context I'm mid-30s with 2 young kids (she was picking me and the kids up which was pre-agreed).

I thought I was being quite calm having to wait 40mins with the children but maybe IABU after all and am a rude and terrible daughter.

Need honesty here please! I'm an only child so can't ask any siblings for reference.

Exactly this.

Agree it sounds like a last straw.

Don't wilfully miss the wider point she's making by focussing on the text. DM is obvs feeling taken advantage of and that helping you is a thankless task. Not cool. Do you do nice things for her?

You have 101 other unread messages??

I wouldn’t have a problem with it.

I arranged for my mum to pick me up from a hospital appointment yesterday.

I texted “Ready”
She texted back “👍”
😂

Thats just how we text in that kind of situation. We’ve already made the plans, this is just the confirmation, obviously I thank her, ask about her day etc when I get in the car.

When we’re chatting on messenger or something it’s completely different.

Your texts do not seem rude but are efficient with words to someone you know well.
I detect an annoyance in your mother's message at having to disrupt her life to come at all.
Perhaps she expected you to notice her busy life and to communicate in a more thankful way.

Splurge more affection and attention on your mother during this period where she, who is getting older, is accommodating your activities. Tell her that you appreciate the cost to her usual routine.

Ok, so you didn't arrange a definite time, in that case I think you are being a bit rude. She clearly didn't know the exact time of picking you up, and she had been busy baking her bread. It might be your manner, but you seem put out you had to wait 40 mins (not an unreasonable given it's a 20 minute drive!).
It was a hot day, and your mum interrupted her own day to help you out, and get the car out in the heat. She sounds lovely. You say please in the first text and then that's it (or maybe the thank you hasn't been shown on the photo you updated). But without a thank you, you do come across as a bit foot stampy she wasn't there sooner!

I don't think there is anything wrong with the text, you had previously said please, no need to say it on every text.

So now we have to be overly thankful for a simple ride from a Mum and Grandma? isn't this what we're all here for? To help our kids out when they need it? A please and thank you should suffice. None of us know if this is something asked a lot so on its own, nothing wrong with the texts.

I think people responding here seem to fall into two categories

1. Mums of teens/ adult children who seem to do a lot of running around at their kids convenience
2. Adult children who expect their mums to do stuff for them

A recent pp has proved this point perfectly!

she did! you have to click on the screenshot

I can't see the thank you on the screen shot...I think that's the problem, I'm guessing others can't either

I also assume that you would have thanked DM in person and that the texts were not the limit of the communication.

I don't see much wrong with it op I wouldn't get wound about that if I was your mother.

you have to click on the image to see all of the exchange

It's literally in the first text

I don’t know whether this is universal, but I was brought up to believe that where the please is in the sentence tells you a lot:

’Please could you come and get us’ is polite.

‘Can you come and get us please’ (what you wrote) is a bit more demanding. There is an assumption of getting what you want that puts pressure on the recipient.

‘Can you please come and get us’ is rude. It suggests ‘hurry up’.

Preferably add that the wait is absolutely fine, an apology for the inconvenience and say how grateful you are.

Yes it comes across as rude.

It was a bit blunt, but it seems she planned her time very badly. Why cook bread knowing you have to be somewhere at a set time?

Apologise, say you didn't see how they came across at first but there was no ill intent. Next time take a little more care to be polite, it's something she values.

honestly is that how you text with your Mum or child? Its a lot when in a hurry, hot day, kids. Seriously I can;t imagine being this emotionally demanding on any of my children and glad we have a more relaxed relationship.

Was just about to post the same! I'd expect this sort of text from my teen DD but actually, come to think of it; even she aged 17 manages a please via text if I'm picking her up. 😬

Which most of us can't see unless we click.

But that please was for coming out. Not for parking up and waiting. I agree that the last text sounds more like instructions for a delivery driver. And I think I'd have been less abrupt even for a driver!

It's not spectacularly rude, but I'd not have phrased it like that to someone who's doing me a favour, and who's clearly got a bit stressed because she still has stuff to deal with before she's coming out.

I think that the messages are absolutely fine.

Not rude at all as far as I can see

Your mum sounds like the hired help. I think it was rude.

Seems blunt but when you got to her what did you say?

"Oh this is great, lovely, thanks!"

Or did you just get in the car.

The bit about not waiting outside seems badly worded to me tbh & a bloody crying emoji?

I'd have expected you to get your arse out to me tbh.