To think there should be a freedom project for men?

[Lilolilibet]

I encouraged my friend (a bloke who is a victim of rather horrific domestic abuse) to do the freedom project. I knew there was a version for men.

On looking closer it turns out that the men's version is to help them curb their abusive behaviours. Doubtless much needed but where is the help for men who are also victims?

It is off putting to apply for help and discover an assumption that you're the perpetrator because you're not a woman. I fully understand it's men's fault that this is the way it works but it's hard on the men who are also victims. Shouldn't there be some acknowledgement of their position too?

I agree but presumably men don't or at least one of them would have devised a program for men who are victims of DV just like the woman who developed the Freedom Program did.

Yes I agree but no reason why they can't make one is there?

Yes I agree that it's a shame that men put so little energy into supporting male victims of domestic violence.

There are some. One is called ACORN. If you look on men's domestic abuse charity websites like menKind then you'll find the details.

I agree. Would you be willing to organise it?

I agree too and would hope that public funding will be made available for one to be developed.

One of DHs friends got a lot of help from ManKind after leaving an abusive relationship and did a course with them. I don't know what its called, but the help is out there for men

Maybe your friend can attempt to set one up.
Lots of advice online.

Well, as PP said: men should feel free to advocate for themselves and set one up.

This is like on Women's Day when men on twitter bleat about how nothing gets set up for men. And we point out organisations like CALM (set up by a woman for men).

There are some out there, if the demand is higher than the provision then hopefully there are men willing to put the hours in to developing and evolving these services so more men can be supported. Of course there should be sufficient support for them, this isn't down to women though- women's services are heavily reliant on volunteers and low paid women who do an immense amount of work.

I think you were at least a little bit at fault tbh for telling him to do the Freedom Program without checking it actually provided what he needed, especially since it seems there are things for men provided by other charities- there’s no reason why the Freedom Program would have been the ones to do it any more than women’s health charities should be the ones to help men with parallel conditions.

Good luck to your friend. I hope he finds the help he needs.

In my opinion there is far less help for men. That might be because men are responsible for most of the trouble, but that doesn't help those men who are actually victims. And we know that many men won't help them they will just laugh at them.

What I don't like about your post is the dismissive implication that if they can't be bothered to set something up/advocate for themselves then that's on them and let them suffer.

There is, ACORN, and while not specifically DV mankind provides support to men with DV.

Men are free to set themselves up an organisation that relies on low paid men and volunteers to run it.

I don't think anyone is suggesting that men suffer. The suggestion is that somewhere in that roughly half of the population that is men, there must be someone with the wherewithal to organise this. Why wait for women to do it?

Domestic violence services for women were set up by women for women. Are you complaining that women haven't set up services for men?

And sod them if they don't. Let them suffer. Domestic violence isn't that bad anyway.

The freedom programme has its place but it’s considered a bit outdated I believe, there’s other similar courses that are aimed at anyone who has experienced DV but these might vary area to area.

DV is very much a gendered issue/crime: women are overwhelmingly the victims so it makes sense that these projects are mostly aimed at them/for them. I have been told by someone who headed the freedom programme sessions when I took it that the one aimed at men/perpetrators isn’t great, in the sense a group of abusers get together and talk about abuse and the abuse they have meted out to partners and come away feeling almost vindicated. Example: “I slapped my wife but at least I never chucked a telly at her”.

You are 100% right.
It should be available for all victims, instead of assuming genders and roles.
I would rather we shared this kind of project and service than toilets and flipping changing rooms.

What I don't like about your post is the dismissive implication that if they can't be bothered to set something up/advocate for themselves then that's on them and let them suffer.

Abuse kills multiple women a week in the UK. Any funds should go there. The fact that women's services are woefully underfunded while that goes on means my money, time and advocacy go there.

If spent a lot of my working life working with male clients (housing, social services) and most of my underpaid colleagues were female. The managers were often male of course.

So while women are clearly doing their bit for men, men aren't. Is the OP mithering on Reddit or Kiwi Farms for men to organise it? Or just giving women more work with limited time, resources and power?

Why should women who set up a programme for women be expected to create another service for men? Why?

Is there an 'Andy's Man Club' nearby or something similar?

How many men were killed by their abusive female partners last year? Zero? One?

The false equivalence drawn by the OP is ridiculous.

Because otherwise it shows that women don't think domestic violence is serious.

But I didn't say that the actual women who set up the freedom project had to do it. They need to carry on their good work. I think society needs to do it. Society includes men and women.

It's not rocket science to know why there isn't a men's freedom programme. Men have generally been raised to believe they cannot be victims of DV. So many of them can't really comprehend there are others out like them suffering. They have fewer places to ask questions. I agree there should be absolutely a mens DV safe space, here and a national phoneline. But it's not hard to see why there isn't one. Most men don't want to admit to their horrible experiences. And that's an easy (lazy) out for the government.