To think there should be a freedom project for men?

[Lilolilibet]

I encouraged my friend (a bloke who is a victim of rather horrific domestic abuse) to do the freedom project. I knew there was a version for men.

On looking closer it turns out that the men's version is to help them curb their abusive behaviours. Doubtless much needed but where is the help for men who are also victims?

It is off putting to apply for help and discover an assumption that you're the perpetrator because you're not a woman. I fully understand it's men's fault that this is the way it works but it's hard on the men who are also victims. Shouldn't there be some acknowledgement of their position too?

Apparently the men's version is for both men who want to improve their behaviour, and victims. They can do this because the behaviours of an abuser, such as isolating the victim are the same whatever the sex of the victim. So education about the tactics of abuse will be helpful to both victims and offenders.

There are certainly abused men, and they have charities. But on the whole abused women are massively outwieghed by them, and still under served. I'll fly the flag for abused men any time but never to the detriment of abused women. And no matter how many abusive women aren't reported, there will still be a problem with abusive men who aren't reported. It still seems, after so long now,that people aren't comfortable reporting. Overall, it's extremely depressing tbh.

Yeah I hear you, I'm the same in that regard. Abuse is wrong no matter but again I know it's women who get the brunt and I do not understand why anyone would treat a woman that way. I just find it appalling mine and I assume others are using those services when others actually need them is all.

Likewise, men who continue to abuse afterwards and go through courts to maintain control also diminishes others like myself who aren't lying.

People are arseholes all round.

Apologies, more than one a fortnight

Actually more and more people report abuse, neighbours, friends etc. If men really were abused at the same rate and style as women there would be police a.d SS reports to back it up.

I'm not saying it doesn't happen but it's rare.

Aargh tho, that's so sad though that you're saying 'i'm using when others need them more'. The reality is roaring out that there are not enough services for all that need them. There should not be a pick and choose. There should be services based on need. And some affordability. Or properly incorporated into taxes. But ugh, sometimes public health policy is depressingly imperfect.

Btw guilty of confusing Pat Craven and Lundy Bancroft! Still Bancroft didn't see the need either...

The last statistics for 2021 for male victims of domestic murder is 71 males

65 of those killings were by a male member of their family

The remaining 6 were their male partner

They both deserve a name check.

It's not just men that laugh and mock though. It's always been an easy laugh on a sitcom for a woman to hit a man, whether in a marriage/relationship or otherwise. I do think it's changing now.

Men tend to think "what's the point?" because of the general dismissiveness.

I am sorry, but what I do notice all over the world that when men think something is important to them, they move double quick to address their interest.

Might it then be that, truthfully, most men are unbothered by female domestic violence? I think so, because like male domestic violence, it doesn't bother many of them.

Oh right so men not doing anything is women’s fault for being dismissive? 🙄

YABU, it’s not women’s job to fight this battle for men. We’ve got our own shit to deal with, men have most of the power anyway, they can sort themselves out.

Physically, maybe. The effects of domestic violence for men is often psychological and mental abuse more than physical.

I know some men would never report DV because they fear their abusive partner would claim abuse (whether true or not) and they'd be the ones who'd be in trouble.

There's men's charities out there for it, so who said they're doing nothing?

It's not for women to do, but dismissive attitudes are part of the problem for men suffering in silence.

Oh I meant my wife is doing that because I finally said enough after a decade and to the manipulation that was occurring around our children after separation. She took offense and on the spot decided I'm dangerous, took our children and claimed abuse, used those services when she's not in danger or faced abuse, when actually she's been abusive the entire time.

So now I haven't had any contact with the children in five months won't allow it and they are isolated no father or wider family either as done the same to everyone both sides. Now all I can do is wait for court and hope they see it. I haven't been reported to police or social services, don't have a record nothing...just decided doesn't want to co-parent and wants the house. I'm powerless at the moment, nothing I can do.

But yeah services on need would help. I'm surprised at the amount of women I see who can't get through to support, I assume overwhelmed which is why I'm disappointed mine has done that as figured wasting peoples time which could be spent on others who are in danger.

But my point is, that generally men are not concerned by domestic abuse, either as perpetrators or victims. That is more to do with s masculine mindset.

Of course, if this mindset was easily changed, then women would be delighted since domestic abuse as an issue affects them in far greater numbers.

Some women would never report DV because they think they will be killed by their partners (and there's plenty of evidence to show that's valid concern). What's your point? Abusive people control their victims with threats (overt or otherwise).

Straw Man Argument alert.

@User135644
"OP isn't saying women should set this up. She's saying there should be something.

OK. Who should set it up?

What's my point? I was talking about male victims of DV, not women.

I still don't understand your point. Lots of victims would never report their abuser. For lots of reasons. I didn't report mine mainly because I didn't think the police would do anything.

I just don't understand what you're getting at. People don't report abuse, it's well documented.