To think there should be a freedom project for men?

[Lilolilibet]

I encouraged my friend (a bloke who is a victim of rather horrific domestic abuse) to do the freedom project. I knew there was a version for men.

On looking closer it turns out that the men's version is to help them curb their abusive behaviours. Doubtless much needed but where is the help for men who are also victims?

It is off putting to apply for help and discover an assumption that you're the perpetrator because you're not a woman. I fully understand it's men's fault that this is the way it works but it's hard on the men who are also victims. Shouldn't there be some acknowledgement of their position too?

How are abusive women using support meant for victims to get away with abuse? I'm going to need some evidence to back up this bold claim.

I see its been said already but just adding to the voices that are saying there's absolutely nothing stopping anyone from setting one up for men 👍

I know...and I honestly don't know the answer to that. It's fucked up on both sides. However, I'm fully aware that the likelihood is men are generally more abusive than women are so it's kinda leaning on that front.

It's just shitty to take up resources in that way assuming there is more demand for women's support than there is for men...

To be honest I was actually wondering that myself....

By this I mean mine was abusive and not only to me, it bled out into the entire family both sides, it was extreme.

Now I have got out, she has now claimed to be the victim and is going through all the support services like a loose cannon, wasting everyones time. Even though, all the evidence says otherwise.

So instead of speaking or helping someone who is in need, they are helping someone who isn't at all.

So you know one abusive woman who did this? And that means it happens a lot? OK.

I also don’t think that’s what that other person meant by evidence...

This!

You're actually being delusional now. No one thinks that.

You don't think others could possibly be doing the same?

That's like saying because one man is acting the victim then other's couldn't possibly be.

I wasn't quoting anyone I was just saying in my case there's a lot of evidence but she's going for it regardless.

^besides which, men kill women all the fucking time. Almost daily. Nothing close to 'smashing up an xbox.'

Around 30 men a year are killed in incidents related to domestic violence. More than one a week

God I'm so bored of all the MRA/F4J types hanging around here lately.

Has a board closed down or something or a bat signal gone up?

It's v tiresome

who is killing them?

Sorry I couldn't get through all the comments so this may have already been mentioned. There is a new course in my area called "The Voice Programme" which supports victims of coercive and controlling behaviour. I haven't done it, but from what I hear it's less gendered than the Freedom Project. From their website there are a few councils delivering this. There is training available for facilitators.
I don't know the stats but have come across men who have been abused by women, women abused by women, men abused by men. There are just a lot of shitty, abusive people out there and I hope that anyone who needs support can find it somehow.
The thing with the voluntary sector is that people have to choose to set up their cause, and are completely entitled to support the group they want to, as that's what they know best. The Freedom Project has it's place and has helped so many women, myself included. It's contents are not the issue. The lack of people with lived experience, time, funding and passion choosing to set up similar offers for men is.

This!

Sorry but abusive women? They're like unicorns/ hens teeth compared to abusive men. Abusive women tend not to have the power imbalance anyway. There will always be some, but look at the numbers ffs!

Domestic partners apparently

Again, I'm not denying that and I'm not here fighting for mens rights or whatever, I'm looking at both sides.

All I'm saying is men in general don't even admit anything, seek support or know what it all is in the first place. Therefore the numbers may be skewed but likelihood is, yes, women are abused more.

That however doesn't discount that there are abusive women, how many are not reported. How many turn the tables on the victim in the same way men do to women out of punishment or revenge.

The whole abusive nature is a power imbalance.

Again I'm not arguing here, just my view.

I'd like to see sex disaggregated stats for that, tbh

I also remember reading, quite some time ago (years rather than months) that men are more likely to report DV (when they do report it) more quickly than women do, so after the 1st or 2nd occasion whereas women only go after the 7th time. Which would indicate that, maybe men are 30% of reported DV, but the proportion of women may still be higher if you count actual incidents. (but i can't remember where i read it. And tbh even one event is too many)

30 a year is (quite a lot) less than one a week though?

But also who is the perpetrator? The statistics show it's overwhelmingly men doing the violence in which case aren't we all on the same side? Shouldn't we all be pushing for feminism to overtake the patriarchy, to create equality for the sexes and stop living in a society which supports male violence and toxic masculinity?

According to ONS for the period March 2019 to March 2021 the majority were killed by other men. This isn't to say women do not abuse men, nor minimising this, but overwhelmingly violent men are the issue even when it comes to DV against other men. That doesn't mean it's less serious or any less abhorrent when the abuse is from a woman, neither am I insinuating that it means men don't deserve support; they can be victims absolutely and should be supported.

Because in the thought of good faith I'd say OP was an existing poster to MN and potentially its her social media of choice and she wanted to have a discussion about her friend

@Golden407

Around 30 men a year are killed in incidents related to domestic violence. More than one a week

All loss of life is tragic, but for the sake of accuracy - there are 52 weeks in the year so that doesn't equate to one a week, or more than one a week?

There is.