To think there should be a freedom project for men?

[Lilolilibet]

I encouraged my friend (a bloke who is a victim of rather horrific domestic abuse) to do the freedom project. I knew there was a version for men.

On looking closer it turns out that the men's version is to help them curb their abusive behaviours. Doubtless much needed but where is the help for men who are also victims?

It is off putting to apply for help and discover an assumption that you're the perpetrator because you're not a woman. I fully understand it's men's fault that this is the way it works but it's hard on the men who are also victims. Shouldn't there be some acknowledgement of their position too?

I'm not sure where the OP has said that women should set this up? She just made an observation that the program she knows about doesn't help men and didn't think there was help for men.

I'm bewildered at the suggestion of at least one reply that her friend who is a sufferer of domestic violence should set up a whole charity for other men to get help, I'm not sure how that provides her friend help, and can't see how someone who needs help is the best source of help for others.

Seems like a lot of posters couldn't wait to jump in to be snarky to a poster which essentially boils down to them having a pop at men who are abused. You should be ashamed of yourselves

This.

This is spot on

yes it shouldn’t be on women, clearly. It’s also rarer for men to be a victim, it’s still stigmatised so much harder to find others who have suffered, and victims can feel alone. It can feel no-one believes you, if you speak
out you’ll be derided, and you’re the only one suffering this (you must be or there would be help).

i understand the “it’s not women’s job” point.

There are several national helplines for men who are victims of DV. I'm not sure what you think the government really does for women who are victims of DV either- the answer is...not much at all.

Mumsnet has a blind spot when it comes to male victims of abuse. Posters tend to perpetuate the myths of them being somehow to blame and not really worthy of help

No one is having a pop at men who are abused.

Who has said that? No-one that's who.

Absolutely fucking this.

I think men haven’t set their own support up
properly for this as male victims are thought of as weak, not real men, should stand up for themselves, so the majority (?) of men feel they’re not worth supporting. Toxic masculinity.

It’s a theme that always comes out on any thread about male dv victims. It hasn’t yet on this one. I hope it wont

There is, it’s called ACORN

I've recently come out of one and there is support but in general other men don't understand or care and that's likely the reason. It doesn't happen to men kind of thing. I didn't even understand what it was until recently, I just took it all.

It's very similar behavior to abusive men, like identical in my case and I can relate to what women face. At the same time, not everyone obviously but a case of it must be your fault as your a man. I'm struggling to know who to trust these days.

How much money, time and expertise have you spent on setting these services up this year? How much lobbying, writing to male politicians and philanthropists?

Compared to how much time you spend on here telling women off? Which appears to be a full time job.

I've worked with male victims. Me and all my female colleagues. Didn't see you there in the trenches.

Maybe not directly, but the majority of answers on a thread about a man seeking help for domestic violence are passive aggressive snarky comments about men or the victim himself setting up a charity to help men. This is neither helpful to OPs friend, nor would it be said to a woman who suffers domestic violence. What about all the women who suffered before the charities were set up? Presumably the posters feel that those victims were lazy and didn't deserve help as they hadn't set up the domestic violence help before that? Like it's so easy to sort out and anybody can do it

More than you'd think

And quite possibly more than are recorded. Because the women that killed them claimed self defence.

As women we need to acknowledge that we can be abusive and harmful too. Rather than be dismissive

Yes its a shame. But I'm a woman so it's neither my responsibility or on my list of priorities.
Every service available for women has been hard won by women, and capacity still doesn't touch the sides of demand, so I'm well occupied with worrying about and trying to change that at the moment.
At the top of every institution in society men hold the power and the purse strings. If as a group they wanted these services they would have had them by now. Clearly they don't care about the minority amongst their number who do. So if the idea is that women should care on their behalf, well they'd better take a ticket and get in line.

https://abusedmeninscotland.org/

You know nothing about me

i was telling men off in my post. Not women

I am absolutely not saying (nor did i try to infer) that woman's DV info is better. But there are way more ads, as there needs to be, because volume. But there is no excuse to ignore male on male (assume we're talking about partner) violence. It's present and it's serious. But i suppose is enveloped in the general 'men' envelope and not the intimate relationship space. And the any 'general' men are violent ads are aimed solely at women ime experience.

Oh but Spatular, i am in Ireland so don't see too much english tv these days. We could definitely do with a bit of improvement.

Honestly the dismissive attitude coming over is just showing the problem.
"Well women have it worse"
"We've had to fight for this"
"Men have the power anyway"

OP isn't saying women should set this up. She's saying there should be something.
The reason why there's fewer and less well known services for men is evident in this thread. Because men aren't allowed to be victims.

But if it isn't your responsibility to help men in need then it isn't men's responsibility to help women in need and that depresses me.

And i'm also worried that it is a short step from saying it is not my responsibility to saying and frankly I don't care about them.

I can honestly say I've never seen anything regarding abuse towards men until I got away myself and sought help. I wouldn't expect women to organize this but there needs to be more awareness because there are abusive women who are dangerous.

Not only this, these types like mine are diminishing real cases of abuse against women by continuing abuse post separation and also lying.

Er Male DV victims can be victims of female on male violence

The reason why there's fewer and less well known services for men is evident in this thread. Because men aren't allowed to be victims.

Are you serious? No, it's because women are more often and more seriously affected by DV.

And because women need practical support with the common situation of leaving with no children and no money with their lives at risk.

Pick up any weekly 'real life' tabloid and there will be one or more stories of a woman killed by her partner.

Male victims should have whatever they need. But it's nowhere on the scale of violence against women.