To think there should be a freedom project for men?

[Lilolilibet]

I encouraged my friend (a bloke who is a victim of rather horrific domestic abuse) to do the freedom project. I knew there was a version for men.

On looking closer it turns out that the men's version is to help them curb their abusive behaviours. Doubtless much needed but where is the help for men who are also victims?

It is off putting to apply for help and discover an assumption that you're the perpetrator because you're not a woman. I fully understand it's men's fault that this is the way it works but it's hard on the men who are also victims. Shouldn't there be some acknowledgement of their position too?

I fully understand where you're coming from but don't you see the issue with there being less awareness or support for men?

All these women I'm reading that are desperately trying to get support like you say. Yet there's women out there who are using these services when they themselves are the abusers, preventing others from getting the services they require.

Mines been taking up advice lines, police, social services, everything when it's fabricated.

So yeah it's not women's reasonability, women are at risk but if both sides had better support and it was more known of both sides struggles, maybe everyone across the board would have help and those who are committing abuse would be held accountable.

"What I don't like about your post is the dismissive implication that if they can't be bothered to set something up/advocate for themselves then that's on them and let them suffer."

I don't want them to suffer. I do want them not to piggy back on women's work.

So who do you think should set them up?

Loads more ads aimed at men rather than women about mental health and talking.
we did a talk about prostate cancer at work and not a single man turned up to listen.

Yes this!

I want them to get organised, to get angry at the lack of resources, to raise funds, to set up help lines, to campaign for more awareness, understanding and support, to stand up and talk about it - to do what women did 50+ years ago!

How do you propose we raise awareness?

I have no idea but I'm just saying it's not down to women to do it, it should just be there. As I said earlier that may be down to men's view in general but that doesn't mean it's right.

In the same light it shouldn't take this amount of effort from women to get support setup for themselves.

There are also organisations specifically aimed at helping men with mental health and encourage them to open up and talk.

I wonder how many people bleat on about how unfair this is for women who also struggle to talk about their feelings...

it's not that most people, including women, don't care about DV against men. It is just that we are exasperated by the lack of initiative a lot of people moaning about the lack of resources for men are displaying.

If you care about DV and abuse of men: start fundraising and get on with it then. Literally nobody is stopping you. Give us links to those and I, for one, am more than happy to share them on my SM platforms.

But here's the thing: Every year on international men's day i share resources, all day, on Twitter and other SM pointing to men's mental health resources, CALM, ACORN etc. Posting about getting checked for prostrate cancer etc etc. And do you know who shares those resources? men and women. (more women but that might say more about my networks)

On women's day i do the same but for resources for women. What happens? i get insulted. I get a lot of whining about how those things aren't available for men (they are, fewer and less well known but that's not my fault)

It is EXHAUSTING. Having people say "but men don't have..." and describing toxic masculinity and how men suffer from that (because they daren't show weakness, their feelings or ask for help)

So. Men (and women for all i care) can go ahead and fundraise and set up things.

You win the internet! The perfect answer.

👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

You mean like how support for women was always ‘just there’? Oh wait...

Fair enough!

Look under the videos of many of these. You'll see women supporting them.

Thankfully less now and more people calling the behaviour out.

A woman who is sexually abused, raped, kicked, punched, thrown down the stairs, deprived of freedom, resources and dignity by someone with the power to physically impose their will over hers, who has her bones broken and may end up being murdered, has every right to complain regardless of her race or social class.
You are right there is a hierarchy of vulnerability amongst women, but from the top to the bottom of that, we are as a group more at risk from men than they are from us.

as happens whenever we mention any man who did something awful: Not. All. Women. Are. Like. That.

And some hideous oul prick now lecturing on abortion. Now brendan smith. Jfc.

You're totally missing my point. I'm saying it shouldn't be this way for women either, as in I presume it's taken women to get organized yet it should have been there already because abuse happens.

There's support for men I'm not denying that, I've used it. However, all the support women have fought to get setup is also being misused by abusive women in order to get away with the abuse, and in return real victims aren't getting support or are not believed.

To be honest (and this is never a very popular opinion) the only people I have ever seen laugh at or belittle male victims in real life are other men.

It’s also pretty common for male abusers to pretend to be the victim....

If someone is asking for support how can you ever be really sure if they’re the victim? Surely anyone in any situation can be twisting things around to make it look like someone else is in the wrong. How do you police this?

Come on, OP came onto a majority women site moaning about the lack of provision for men. Everybody thinks that there should be DV support for men and in fact women HAVE set up many charities and resources for this exact reason but why didn't the OP go on a majority man site and say this, why here?

I don't know how you expect anyone to take you seriously if you're going to use tiktok as proof of anything @AnObserverInThisDarkWorld

Thats a big accusation in your second paragraph. How do you know this?

I've read that three times and i still don't get it. Could you 'tell it to me like i'm i a six year old' like Denzel would say?

Johnny Depp WAS abusive to her too though.

That is not true about women being favoured, the courts are used to abuse women all the time and courts start at 50/50 or with the primary care giver for wellbeing reasons for the child.