to be upset all grandparent names have been used but mine?

[2408username]

I get I might be massively unreasonable here and I just want to say that I have never said this to anyone and is just me seeing if my feelings are outrageous or most would feel the same way. I have changed my username as well by the way.

I have 3 lovely grandchildren all from my only child (my daughter). They are due their 4th and final and we are obviously all overjoyed and I love that we have a bigger family now as I was only able to have the 1.

They first had 2 boys and their first had DH's first name as a middle name, their 2nd had her husband's dad's, their 3rd was their first daughter and did give her DH's mum's name as the middle name. They are having a 2nd daughter and I must admit, I did think it would maybe be my name as her middle name. None of our names are outrageous or particularly old fashioned/bad in any way and I am very, very close to them all and the main person for childcare if and when they need.

My daughter told me the name they have decided on and the middle name is her DH's grandmother's name and she did specifically say to me that it would have been most fair/nice to use my name but she wanted them to all keep the middle names starting with J (all names do start with J and mine doesn't) both her and her husband's name also begin with J... the children don't have J first names just to clarify.

AIBU to be a bit upset by this?

No, I would be very upset too x

No you're not.

Yet I don't think it's reasonable to do or say anything. They've made their decision.
And its perfectly understandable to be upset.

Wow I'd be very upset at that you're not unreasonable at all. Obviously it's their choice but it feels very deliberate and her reasoning would annoy me.

Yeah, that’s a bit shit. Using all the other grandparents names bar yours. I can see why you are a bit upset.

I wouldnt be upset no, because their reasoning makes sense to them. Middle names are never used anyway.

Even your dd recognises it's hurtful.
One of the many reasons I'm not a fan of using immediate family names for dc.

Well the J thing seems a bit daft but if that’s the reason then I can see why they chose it instead of your name. They did explain it to you too.

You’re not wrong for being upset about it, I would be too. I’m not sure how you could really address it though 😞

Well, middle names never getting used makes it especially daft to give them all the same initial then, doesn't it?

I do think this is a bit hurtful, and no, it's not a choice I'd make.

I'm quite relieved we're having a boy, because we can use the granddad's names easily - both are nice. But whilst my mum's isn't something I'd normally choose, it's at least nice as a middle name, whilst my MIL's is just ick. But we'd never choose to exclude her!

I'd be quietly upset....I wouldn't say anything to them.
I totally understand how you feel

I couldn't have children but I have lots of nieces and nephews who I'm quite close to who have lots of children of their own. Every time a new baby girl arrives I secretly hope they might use my name as a middle name and it always makes me sad when they don't.

I thought I was being irrational and a bit stupid until I realised that it's actually down to my fear of being forgotten when I'm gone.

I’d be upset too OP.

It's all a bit stupid, but I don't blame you for feeling upset.

Regardless of their reason why, it does seem very disrespectful, that they appear to have 'honoured' the other DGPs but not yourself, and I think I would be upset as well.
However some people are really weird about 'names' I know families where all kids have the same initials -combination ofmum and dads initials, where boys have certain initials and girls a different one, all kids start with the same initial except their final 6th kid for some reason, so I can see they might 'believe' thats a good reason not to use yours.
Personally I can.see that this would be so upsetting for.my DM that I couldn't do it, however maybe your daughter thinks you wouldn't be bothered when you know the reasons. Very shorted sight for her and her DH not to see that this could be upsetting.

I would be upset and I would be letting my daughter know that as well. It’s all very well her saying it would only be fair to use your name but she isn’t, she needs to know how much this hurts you

Yanbu. I would be upset. I don't think you should say anything though.

Personally it wouldn't bother me at all. It's not a tradition we have in our family...I've never used a parent/ grandparents name for my children.

No you aren't being unreasonable. You are entitled to be hurt about this.

I'm not sure what to suggest though.

It looks like she's just used names from her husband's side of the family as middle names (more than naming after grandparents).

I'd be telling her to stop being so superficially and consider what using those names actually does and doesn't mean both to them and the people around them...

Pretty sure I’d be upset too. It’s the implicit meaning behind it, isn’t it - she’s saying that appearances are more important than truly honouring her parents.

Going against the grain, I think I’d have said something. If I didn’t (tactfully, being careful to explain my instinctive reaction so they could think about it) then I’m pretty sure my DH would say something straight after the baby got here (not tactfully in the slightest).

YANBU, I'd be sad as well.

Are the children Christened? At a Christening they can add another name, although it has to be the name of a saint or a goodie in the Bible IIRC. If so and your name qualifies then it would be lovely to have it as a Christening name for your youngest DGC.

My parents more or less forbade us to use their names, as they both disliked them and didn't want their grandchildren to be saddled with them. I am not upset that my son and partner haven't used my name, it is definitely a 50s name, after a 50s film star🙄

I’m a gran. It wouldn’t upset me but if it did I wouldn’t say anything. My name is very much of its time and, while it’s not horrible I wouldn’t give it to a baby even as a middle name. Do the other grandparents have bland timeless names like John and Jane?

YANBU to be upset. Their reasoning is (imo) daft and I'd be hurt too. It would feel like a snub.

I don't think there's anything you can or should do, though.