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AIBU?

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Original poster

Was my bf BU when he said my vagina is loose?

329 replies

shamelesschocaholic · 23/08/2023 11:59

I’m mortified to be posting this, but I want to show him this thread as we have just had words for the second time in two days!

I am a perimenopausal 46 year old woman. Without blowing my own trumpet, I still look good for my age, I wear a size 10 and I still like to have fun.

I have three kids with an ex partner who I was with for over 20 years. I’m in a fairly new (1 year) relationship and I’m madly crazy in love.

ivw been getting lots of UTIs which I think is due to perimenopause. Yesterday bf helpfully sent me a link to something he saw on YouTube about this and women’s sexual health generally.

When we discussed it, he matter of fact said my vagina was loose but this was to be expected as I’ve had three children. I was devastated by this comment, I actually felt so hurt. He can’t see what he said wrong as it’s “the truth”.

We have barely spoken, when I said earlier I have to get over it or end our relationship as it’s going to impact our (what I thought was an amazing) sex life he’s made me feel as if I’ve over reacted and am being sensitive. He just said he will, moving forwards be careful what he says to me when - before that he referred to how we always pride pursue on being open and I’d said that women are told negative things from young about their vaginas and it’s really knocked me confidence

pleasw let me know how you would have taken this as I’m so upset that he genuinely can’t see how upsetting this is and has tried to make me feel like I’m overreacting?

OP posts:
IDidntbuyThefridge · 23/08/2023 12:01

Maybe the issue is just his penis is too small …..

WeetabixTowels · 23/08/2023 12:01

Say “Nah it must be your tiny cock”

Highlyflavouredgravy · 23/08/2023 12:01

I hope you pointed out that actually his penis is too small.

barbarahunter · 23/08/2023 12:01

How bloody insulting! I don't think I could get past this.

Stompythedinosaur · 23/08/2023 12:01

What a arsehole.

Probably the real problem is his tiny dick rather than your entirely normal vagina.

Whatsmyusername1235 · 23/08/2023 12:02

Why haven’t you dumped him yet?

sheeplikessleep · 23/08/2023 12:03

Would have upset me.
Is he normally so tactless and thoughtless?

Uncooperativefingers · 23/08/2023 12:03

He's a manipulative twat.

First he says something deeply hurtful, then blames you for having been hurt and then threatens that the relationship will change if you aren't OK with him saying hurtful things.

This man isn't good for your self-esteem and you deserve so much better. Dump him please!

gamerchick · 23/08/2023 12:04

What they said ^

There are some things you don't say because you can't take them back. Some words will always stay in your mind.

Reugny · 23/08/2023 12:04

What are you waiting for?

Chuck small dick back in the sea.

Lobelia123 · 23/08/2023 12:04

He surely cant be as insensitive and clueless as to think that saying that would not be both offensive and hurtful - just as much as if you had commented that he has a small dick. Thats strike one. Strike two is that when you said how you felt, he tried to dismiss and minimise your feelings. This one is not a keeper.

mistermagpie · 23/08/2023 12:05

I'd be so upset. I'm also in my 40s and have had three children, I'm happily married but I sometimes think that if I had to 'date' again I would be worried my vagina wasn't up to scratch, so to speak, due to having my children. My husband has never said anything of that nature but he's very kind and never would, because he knows I'd be mortified and probably never shag him again anyway!

I'm honestly not sure I could get past this, it would make me so self conscious during sex.

LateSummerLobelia · 23/08/2023 12:06

Stompythedinosaur · 23/08/2023 12:01

What a arsehole.

Probably the real problem is his tiny dick rather than your entirely normal vagina.

This. Dump. He deliberately said something designed to make you feel inadequate.

If you do show him this thread then he might want to have a thought about how he is lacking as a human in empathy or just plain old good manners as well as in size.

The issue is him and not you.

flipent · 23/08/2023 12:06

Anyone can say something hurtful without malice (although this was a fundamentally stupid thing to say).

His dismissal of your feelings about it would have him out of the door without a second thought.

He has said something that just isn't true because he has read somewhere that it's acceptable to make that kind of comment.

TomatoSandwiches · 23/08/2023 12:07

He doesn't understand how vaginas work, they don't get "loose" Iand he wasn't with you pre babies so he can not make a valid assessment on it either wauu.
I would find the misogyny and stupidity so unattractive I would end it.

Rainbow1901 · 23/08/2023 12:07

WeetabixTowels · 23/08/2023 12:01

Say “Nah it must be your tiny cock”

^ This!!!

What an insufferable man!! Not worth your time!!

Flopsythebunny · 23/08/2023 12:09

Your vagina is not too big, his penis is too small. I he probably doesn't get hard enough anymore.

whatwhatinthebutt · 23/08/2023 12:10

It has to be taken in context, but it seems that he's made you feel insecure.

I don't know about you, but having sex whilst feeling insecure is just a non-starter for me. It would spell the end, probably, because of that.

Only you can know his true intentions, your gut will tell you.

Doesn't look good though or you would have laughed it off along with him.

What does it even mean? I have never had sex as a man.

IDontLoveTheWayYouLie · 23/08/2023 12:10

"I'm sure there's someone out there who will put up with a small dick. 👋"

VeridicalVagabond · 23/08/2023 12:11

Suck your teeth and ask him why none of the women he's had sex with in the past have been properly aroused, has he only recently learned how to have sex properly?

Or make a throwaway "oh my ex never had a problem, but then his penis was far bigger and girthier than yours" and see how he likes it.

ManateeFair · 23/08/2023 12:11

What strikes me here is that if the conversation was about UTIs, there was absolutely no reason for the size of your vagina to be mentioned. It's not relevant to your sexual health. If he'd mentioned it in a context where the fact that you'd had kids was a potential explanation for your problem, that would be different, but what the fuck is he doing casually telling your vag is loose when nobody bloody asked him?

CaptainSeven · 23/08/2023 12:11

It's his failure to get you aroused enough as you swell with blood when aroused.

TossacointoHenryCavill · 23/08/2023 12:11

He’s an idiot. Has he never seen a tampon? They don’t fall out of women once they’ve had kids. The whole loose vagina thing is just misogynistic nonsense. I’ve heard (young, admittedly not very experienced) men say similar nonsense about women who have had lots of sex, or sex with a well-endowed partner. Your partner needs an anatomy lesson.

MaggieBsBoat · 23/08/2023 12:14

Realistically his penis is small. I’m not trying to be an ass but I had a long conversation about such things with EXDH and for reference he was an asshole, he told me that he had dated or had sex with many women who’d had children and it makes no real difference and that men saying it does is reflective of their own issues not the woman. See? Even my twatty ex spoke reasonably about this. (As a side note I’ve never given birth so he wasn’t just trying to save my feelings, it was just a general conversation)

To be honest, I’d really struggle to ever have sex with this man again if it were me. He has deliberately made you feel lousy.
He is unkind and deeply unpleasant.
You can absolutely do better.