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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Just want to go home and live with my mum

261 replies

Aserena · 22/08/2023 23:05

I suppose you could say I’m a successful independent woman.
Left home at 18. BSc, MA, Phd. Got a good career which is stressful sometimes but overall I enjoy it. Bought my own house. Good group of friends. Single but content with that. Own a little dog. Go on a nice holiday every couple of years.

I’m 38, and really very lucky- I know have a good life.

And yet, if I am perfectly honest, there is quite a large part of me, that would like to chuck the job, sell the house and go home to live with my mum. Get a job at a supermarket somewhere.

Living alone is hard. Keeping on top of the housework, working full time, maintaining friendships and social connections. I can do it, but it’s just relentless, and I’m not as good at any of it as I want to be. I’m feeling fed up.

I feel as though I left home at 18, all wide eyed and excited, wondering what the world held in store. And now, like a day out at the theme park, I’ve been around a good few times, done all the things, won some prizes, got the T-shirts, had a good time but now I’m tired and I’m ready to come home again.

I’m probably not going to. But AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:

Cherrysoup · 22/08/2023 23:06

What purpose would this serve? Company? Does your mum want you to move home? Could you keep your job and move back to hers?

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 22/08/2023 23:06

Why not if she'd like that too? I remember Jane MacDonald saying she lives with her mum and wouldn't have it any other way.

Skyisbluegrassisgreen · 22/08/2023 23:07

Could you go home for a weeks holiday? Just to rest and be looked after?

Findyourneutralspace · 22/08/2023 23:07

I’ve been feeling like this too. I have DCs who are almost grown up but being a single adult woman is pretty relentless the moment.

MotherofGorgons · 22/08/2023 23:07

Aw. I totally hear you. I often want to go and live with my mum. It's that unconditional love. Don't do it though!

Sheswearingthatdressinggownagain · 22/08/2023 23:07

Nope, I feel this too at times…life is hard and it’s a lot of responsibility

MotherofGorgons · 22/08/2023 23:09

My mum is 78 but she still asks if I have eaten my lunch! Nobody else does that. When she goes, that will be my unconditional love person gone

Butchyrestingface · 22/08/2023 23:10

It's the supermarket job I'm a bit at, not living with your mum. Unless you really like the KER-CHING of a cash register, I imagine you could come to regret that decision, and sharpish.

Laburnam · 22/08/2023 23:11

Why not if it’s something that you both want?

TenOhSeven · 22/08/2023 23:11

I hear you. It's tough at times being single and living alone and being responsible for every little thing. I sometimes think I would like this too but in reality my parents would drive me daft in less than a week.

Original poster

Aserena · 22/08/2023 23:11

MotherofGorgons · 22/08/2023 23:07

Aw. I totally hear you. I often want to go and live with my mum. It's that unconditional love. Don't do it though!

Thanks. Why shouldn’t I do it? I know that you’re right, but I think I just need to hear the reasons.

OP posts:

MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 22/08/2023 23:12

MotherofGorgons · 22/08/2023 23:09

My mum is 78 but she still asks if I have eaten my lunch! Nobody else does that. When she goes, that will be my unconditional love person gone

I feel that about my dad,he's 80 next year and the thought of losing him terrified me for exactly that reason.

MotherofGorgons · 22/08/2023 23:12

My DC are grown and DH works insane hours, so this summer I went and stayed with my mum for a month! It was great. I plan to do it again.

caramacyears · 22/08/2023 23:13

I know the feeling. Not trying to pour cold water, but I would at least consider the possibility that she might have built up her own life since you left home, so would find it hard to revert to being a full time mother again? And you might, in the fullness of time, find it hard to revert to being a full time daughter

tobeornottobe1 · 22/08/2023 23:13

Why not? I would go and live with my mother again if I could, however we got on very well and enjoyed each others company and could live with each other.

Hubblebubble · 22/08/2023 23:13

You're suffering from burnout.

Original poster

Aserena · 22/08/2023 23:14

Butchyrestingface · 22/08/2023 23:10

It's the supermarket job I'm a bit at, not living with your mum. Unless you really like the KER-CHING of a cash register, I imagine you could come to regret that decision, and sharpish.

Yeah, you are right. Sometimes I just quite fancy something easy, no pressure, stress-free, etc

OP posts:

continentallentil · 22/08/2023 23:14

Well Mum is Home isn’t she

Don’t do it though, but do consider why life feels relentless and what you can do about that.

Is it working hours, or work stress, or a social life where you’re going through the motions, or what?

And get a cleaner while you think about it

Titsywoo · 22/08/2023 23:14

One of my close friends is in her 40s and still lives with her Mum. They have a fab relationship and have a great life together. If you don't think you'd end up getting annoyed with each other I don't see why not! And nothing wrong with working in a supermarket. It's fairly mindless work but that can be lovely and stress free tbh.

MotherofGorgons · 22/08/2023 23:14

@Aserena I only meant you shouldn't give up your job and take a supermarket one. Not after working so hard! And doing so well!

Can you wfh and take a break to be with her?

WhatAPalaverer · 22/08/2023 23:14

My mum isn’t the best but I’d love someone else to be the grown up for a week and I could just relax and not worry about all of the logistics of adult life.

ladyvimes · 22/08/2023 23:15

I feel the same. Married, 2 amazing kids and a good career. Nice house, good lifestyle but i sometimes wish for an easier life! Totally normal.

Themuffintop · 22/08/2023 23:15

Could you take a sabbatical from work, rent your house out and move home for a little while? See how you feel.

GarlicGrace · 22/08/2023 23:16

I'm supposed to hate words like 'adulting', but that. It's hard work sometimes, and often a bore.

I STRONGLY recommend outsourcing as much of the repetitive crap as you can afford to. Get a cleaner. If your cleaner doesn't do washing & ironing, find out whether you can afford a laundry service. If she doesn't and you can't, find a launderette that does service washes.

Do a regular online grocery shop - for delivery or pickup, whichever is easier for you. Maybe even make it a repeat shop: infinitely less hassle to do, and works if you enjoy flitting around delis & markets for your food.

If you're careful about grooming, outsource all the bits that feel like hard work. Paying someone to do your nails & hair, etc, is worth the mental rest.

Schedule do-nothing time, just for you. It's tempting to squeeze too much into your time, but you also need to veg out in front of the telly or simply get an early night.

And go visit your mum!

TotalOverhaul · 22/08/2023 23:16

You need to give yourself some of the kind of love your mum would give you.

Can you have a duvet day? Can you have a week where things are just easier - buy healthy ready meals or just nice bread and cheese so you don't have to cook. Watch old movies in your PJs. Do some journalling and see if you are just ready for a change, a quieter pace of life. Or are you reaching a stage where you'd like a partner? Someone kind to come home to who brews the tea and shares the load of every day chores? If so, could you start looking out for chances to date?

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