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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Just want to go home and live with my mum

261 replies

Aserena · 22/08/2023 23:05

I suppose you could say I’m a successful independent woman.
Left home at 18. BSc, MA, Phd. Got a good career which is stressful sometimes but overall I enjoy it. Bought my own house. Good group of friends. Single but content with that. Own a little dog. Go on a nice holiday every couple of years.

I’m 38, and really very lucky- I know have a good life.

And yet, if I am perfectly honest, there is quite a large part of me, that would like to chuck the job, sell the house and go home to live with my mum. Get a job at a supermarket somewhere.

Living alone is hard. Keeping on top of the housework, working full time, maintaining friendships and social connections. I can do it, but it’s just relentless, and I’m not as good at any of it as I want to be. I’m feeling fed up.

I feel as though I left home at 18, all wide eyed and excited, wondering what the world held in store. And now, like a day out at the theme park, I’ve been around a good few times, done all the things, won some prizes, got the T-shirts, had a good time but now I’m tired and I’m ready to come home again.

I’m probably not going to. But AIBU to feel this way?

OP posts:
starlight13 · 25/08/2023 08:28

Ah, it sounds as though your biological clocks ticking in and the real meaning of life is comig through - time for a baby and to settle down.

SecondhandSalute · 25/08/2023 08:29

starlight13 · 25/08/2023 08:28

Ah, it sounds as though your biological clocks ticking in and the real meaning of life is comig through - time for a baby and to settle down.

That’s the ‘real meaning of life’, is it? 🙄

OleMioSole · 25/08/2023 08:33

YANBU to feel however you feel but I find your post baffling. What 'housework' exactly do you have to keep on top of?
What is 'maintaining friendships'?
I see my friends a couple of times a month and send them memes in between that's all. Maybe yours have loads of drama and text constantly/go out constantly if so you need to find new ones.

EmmaPaella · 25/08/2023 08:40

starlight13 · 25/08/2023 08:28

Ah, it sounds as though your biological clocks ticking in and the real meaning of life is comig through - time for a baby and to settle down.

That won’t help with the housework or feeling of being overwhelmed…

EmmaPaella · 25/08/2023 08:41

OleMioSole · 25/08/2023 08:33

YANBU to feel however you feel but I find your post baffling. What 'housework' exactly do you have to keep on top of?
What is 'maintaining friendships'?
I see my friends a couple of times a month and send them memes in between that's all. Maybe yours have loads of drama and text constantly/go out constantly if so you need to find new ones.

House stuff can be relentless, even when you live on your own. Maybe especially so, with nobody to ask to help. Why is that baffling?

Beesandhoney123 · 25/08/2023 08:46

Agree with pp you are suffering from burnout. Can you take a sabbatical? Don't do anything in your sabbatical. Just be at home, go with the flow. You won't get bored. You'll avoid a breakdown.

See a doc too.

OleMioSole · 25/08/2023 08:48

EmmaPaella · 25/08/2023 08:41

House stuff can be relentless, even when you live on your own. Maybe especially so, with nobody to ask to help. Why is that baffling?

Show quote history

Because I never needed to do anything much when I lived on my own. Apart from laundry. Cleaner once every 2 weeks major cleaning but that was it. Nobody else to please but myself. If I cooked it was becauase I fancies it otherwise meat, veggies and potatoes all in one pan then straight into the dishwasher.
Living with other people was relentless, I had to constantly make sure I was cleaning up after myself!

Of course if you have high standards you may feel it relentless but that's not necessary it's just an expectation you put on yourself.

OleMioSole · 25/08/2023 08:51

Also @EmmaPaella the assumption that you have 'people to help' is laughable... most of the threads on here.... husbands don't help (or bloody do their share, it's not 'helping'), kids don't help.

Yes, if you have always been single you may not realise but that is the easiest. In most other situations not only do you as a woman have NO or half-arsed help but you have additional work created by other people.

My DH does his 'share' thankfully but many other men don't...

EmmaPaella · 25/08/2023 08:59

OleMioSole · 25/08/2023 08:51

Also @EmmaPaella the assumption that you have 'people to help' is laughable... most of the threads on here.... husbands don't help (or bloody do their share, it's not 'helping'), kids don't help.

Yes, if you have always been single you may not realise but that is the easiest. In most other situations not only do you as a woman have NO or half-arsed help but you have additional work created by other people.

My DH does his 'share' thankfully but many other men don't...

I guess it depends on your house. When something goes wrong with a house, which can be often, being on your own can be lonely and overwhelming. If someone with a family is doing not only all the housework but all the outside stuff, house admin, bills and getting workmen in, then they of course have my every sympathy.

I have a family, so understand being overwhelmed by day to day housework, but I also remember living on my own so can empathise with it being a different type of stress.

Feverish · 25/08/2023 09:01

With regards to your career, maybe there’s something in between your current job and a job at a supermarket. It sounds like a change of job might be the change you need.

I left a “career” job for a retail job and absolutely love it. It’s not in a supermarket, it’s in a boutique/gift shop type place. I have lovely team members, a supportive manager and nice surroundings.
Obviously, money will be a factor as to which direction you move in but maybe see what’s out there?

Messyhair321 · 25/08/2023 09:09

Yanbu but God the thought of living with my mother. Never in a million years could I.

electriclight · 25/08/2023 09:34

Assuming your mum is in agreement, why not do it?

Rent your home out, take a sabbatical from work and try it for a year.

Batatahara · 25/08/2023 09:47

God, I can't imagine anything worse!

I emphasise with adulting feeling hard but I don't think it would be any easier living with your mum.

I think there is some reduction in chores when you share a home but you also need to consult someone else about everything and take their views into account.

I loved living alone and being able to do whatever I felt like.

Harrysarseinthedogbowl · 25/08/2023 13:11

starlight13 · 25/08/2023 08:28

Ah, it sounds as though your biological clocks ticking in and the real meaning of life is comig through - time for a baby and to settle down.

Patronising bollocks.

MevBrown · 25/08/2023 16:04

I suspect there is something missing in your life.
Whatever it is, I suspect it isn't your mum.

starlight13 · 25/08/2023 16:20

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Jeannie88 · 25/08/2023 17:18

If that's what you want to do and your Mum wants it as well go for it! I know plenty of people who still live with their parents or have returned and have a great relationship. Xx

MovieQueen12 · 25/08/2023 18:09

@starlight13 Patronising much? Honestly this place at times.....

Gwlondon · 26/08/2023 08:32

At some point your mother might need care. So you might find yourself as a carer and running a house. I am not saying don’t do it. It’s just she may not be able to actually look after you if that’s what you imagine.

Saverage · 26/08/2023 08:49

starlight13 · 25/08/2023 08:28

Ah, it sounds as though your biological clocks ticking in and the real meaning of life is comig through - time for a baby and to settle down.

Ah, it sound as though you have a limited experience of life and zero imagination. Time to broaden your outlook!

starlight13 · 26/08/2023 08:59

On the contrary. I live everyday to the max and cherish the small and simple things in life - gratitude, kindness and respect is how I live my life. I work hard but fully look after my children as they will always come first - this is the natural way of things.
Also made sure that I travelled the world to over 70 countries before having children. I immerse myself in other cultures and speak 5 languages as well as my native tongue. The OP is stuck in a rut and as you do it seems, needs to broaden her horizons and embrace life. Show respect, humility and practice self worth and you will no longer feel the need to post such negative and draining comments.

SecondhandSalute · 26/08/2023 09:33

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I have a child. I adore him. It doesn’t turn me into the kind of repellently patronising individual who arrives on a thread posted by someone who is struggling and armchair-diagnosing that their ‘biological clock’ is ticking.

starlight13 · 26/08/2023 10:01

🙄

DrMarshaFieldstone · 26/08/2023 10:13

starlight13 · 25/08/2023 08:28

Ah, it sounds as though your biological clocks ticking in and the real meaning of life is comig through - time for a baby and to settle down.

Genuinely curious to know if you consider this post to be kind, respectful, or humble.

Ohforfox · 26/08/2023 10:19

I'd love to go home to my mum. She died a few years ago & sometimes all I want to do is pop in for a cup of tea & a chat to make the world right again. If that's what you need right now then do it, take a week off work & go and stay, talk things through with her. You'll feel better for it.

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