Just don’t know how I am going to get to Sunday without exploding

[Holidaynervousbreakdown]

On holiday in lovely resort with DH DCs and PILs who we invited as they’ve had a tough year. I kind of regretted asking them after we did as MIL is so stressful and I know I have no one to blame but myself.

Basically been looking forward to this all year, DH and I both needed a holiday so much. I KNEW it was going to be stressful though DH kept saying it won’t be that bad. It is, and worse.

Cannot go and sit by the pool with my book as MIL simply doesn’t stop talking. DH said to her today I think R wants to read mum but she just started up again five minutes later. If I sit in another part of pool ‘for the shade’ she moves next to me. I ended up just going in today and reading inside.

Our apartment is on the ground floor, PILs have apartment on higher floor. Our apartment just gets used for toilet and kitchen purposes with MIL just coming in. We have a one bedroom apartment with DCs in bedroom and sofa bed in kitchen/living area. I went for a sleep today and MIL just came in and went to the loo
and was bustling about.

Tried to get a break today and bumped into her on way to shops. She ended up
coming even though I just wanted to walk to the supermarket and have an hour to decompress. Spent the hour going round supermarket instead with commentary on everything I put in trolley and whether it was needed or not.

Every day is just running commentary of questions and thoughts on plans for the day, when exactly is everybody doing stuff, no spontaneity at all like there would be if it was just us.

They have all gone out for an evening walk and I’m alone in the apartment trying not to cry. The resort is so lovely and without them we would be having such a relaxing time, I know I have no one to blame but myself. DH and I talked alone about coming back here next year and I said sorry not doing this again with your parents and he just acted really hurt. We can only afford one holiday like this a year and I just can’t do this again.

A friend of mine went through something similar recently - she needs a holiday from the holiday. She can’t afford more time off either.
Lesson learned the hard way, just try your best to get through this one. ♥️

I really feel for you.

Do you have earphones? Might be harsh but just put them in and ignore.

Pretend to be asleep and ignore?

Lock the front door to the apartment?

Say you have explosive diarrhea, might keep her away?

Talk about something she despises

Keep coughing every time she talks to you.

Say you have an ear ache and act in pain if someone talks.

Sounds horrendous! Not a lot you can do now, but chalk it up to experience and never do it again. Your DH doesn't get to dictate how you spend your one holiday. It should be a joint decision. Get your book out quickly now while they're all out and enjoy the short-lived peace!!

Tell your husband to take them somewhere on a trip tomorrow , they are his parents , he needs to step up .

Put headphones in when she tries to talk to you. Tel dh you're off to the beach and have a few hours to yoursey

Why are you not being direct with her?
"Can you leave me in peace to read for a bit Pam, I'll come and talk to you after."
"I'll let you get on, I'm just off to the supermarket, see you when I'm back in an hour."
"I'm going for a rest, if you need the loo you'll have to go up to your own apartment."
Polite and breezy, big smile and a wave. Would that work?

Headphones in and say 'I am going to listen to a mindfulness podcast so won't be able to chat for a bit'. Can DH take her on a day trip somewhere?! Or you both organise something to send them out of the resort for the day?

Can you be upfront “I’m so glad you could join us for the holiday but I just need a bit of space for myself/we just need a bit of family time”?

If you don't want to wear earphones, or tell her to shut up, invent an ear wax build up that means you can't hear her as you're now dear!

Just say, 'I can't hear you!' and point to your ears! Whistle and hum if she starts talking.

I really can't see why you can't say that a holiday dow your means peace and quiet and her wittering away is not your idea of peace and quiet.

You have to assert yourself.

She can chose to take umbrage, that's her problem not yours.

I expect the father in law is having a lovely holiday now that his wife has latched onto you and is talking the hind leg off a donkey!

Reframe it. Think of this week as an ‘investment’ in your future. It’s given you the strength and knowledge you need to never holiday with them again. So it’s been a week well-spent.

(Can you claim you have a migraine, put dark glasses on and switch off alone?)

I agree with head bones, say you’re listening to podcast/audio book/music and just do not take them out even if she comes and sits next to you.

Agree with lock the door if you’re having a sleep.

Get dh to take them out tomorrow and leave you to relax for the day.

I can totally understand how you feel because I feel exactly the same with my MIl. We only holidayed once with her and I vowed never ever again.

Spell it out to dh. It's his dm. And your bloody holiday too. That you bloody paid for!!

I feel you pain. FIL's girlfriend never ever ever stops talking. Never for a second. If by some remote chance you are not in the same room as her FIL starts. Nothing works except rudeness I'm afraid.

However your DH seeing his arse is quite another thing. HE can take them out for the day if he doesn't mind them. MIL is presumably mithering you because she doesn't do it to him.

I think I might try the 'MIL, I'm actually trying to read right now, if you want to chat, why not go and talk to DH, as you don't get to see nearly enough of each other', or, 'why don't you go and do 'X' with the kids', or 'why don't you and DH go for a walk'. Failing that, if she won't take the hint, I'd be inclined to say something like 'MIL, I don't want to seem rude, but would you mind leaving me to read in peace for a while, as part of my holiday ritual is to enjoy a good book in the sun/by the pool/ whatever the situation is, and I really can't concentrate if you keep interrupting'. I really think it's time to communicate with her. 'MIL, while it's great that you were able to come on holiday with us, would you mind babysitting tonight while me and DH go out for a bit of romantic time?' 'MIL, I'm going up to our room for an afternoon snooze, so would you use your own apartment, for anything you need please, as you woke me up / kept me awake yesterday when you popped up to use the loo, and then pottered about for a bit. Failing that, tell your DH to sort her out, tell him he thought it would be fine for them to come and join you on holiday, but you're not enjoying yourself because you feel he is using YOU to entertain HIS mum! Tell him you need some time to relax and read your book in peace, and that you expect him to see that you get that time, otherwise it's the last time you'll be going on holiday with him, let alone his parents!! Hopefully this way you'll get to enjoy your holiday like all of the others.

Yes, keep it light "nothing personal MIL [ha ha] but I need a little me-time so I'm just going over there to read and have a little sleep. See you at dinner..."

Just say "no, MIL, i am trying to read. I am not available for the next 3 hours"
Tell your DH that she has to leave you alone and he has to run interference.

If you are in your room lying down - people may not use your facilities. etc etc

There's a special place in heaven for you! Think about how much pleasure you're giving them and how much more likely your children are likely to mirror this and invite you one day. I'd ask to swap apartments, or ask that yours isn't used as a loo - say you've not been sleeping.

You need your DH to act as a decoy so you can go off and have a coffee somewhere. Can you wear headphones and say you're listening to a podcast for work?

Speak to your DH. Choose your words carefully. "Your mother is doing my head in!!!" Is only going to get his back up. But if you say "DH, I really just need some alone time to chill, please can you speak to your mother?" Hopefully he'll have some sympathy for you!

Is it a surprise that she keeps talking?

Why you?

Do the others just ignore her?

1. Can you swap apartments?
2. Have a word with your dh and ask him to take your mil away for the day
3. Tell your dh to tell your mil that from now on, bc you are not sleeping well, you will be having a two hour rest from 2,30 to 4.30 every afternoon when you won’t be available to talk
4. Ask your dh to ask your mil to babysit so you can have a night out with your dh (ils should be offering to do this anyway)
5. Next time, only invite your in laws for part of the holiday

"There's a special place in heaven for you! Think about how much pleasure you're giving them"

I'm sorry, but I think women are far too often asked to sacrifice to give others pleasure, all for some delayed reward in heaven ....

Instead, I'd Cheerfully, and clearly assert your boundaries and needs direct to MIL, and don't make it possible for her to be so inconsiderate. Take your slice of heaven now!

The whole point of going on holiday with parents/grandparents is that they look after the children whilst you and DH have time to yourselves!

So next year you get to take your parents right? And prime your mum to be on at your hubby all the time, let's see how he likes it?!

Headphones for sure, and studiously ignore her.

Can you go off somewhere for a few hours tomorrow? Don’t tell her, DH can mention it after you’re safely away.

Is there anything you could do with the family that MIL would hate? Boat trip, jeep off roading, segues?

And we FORBID YOU from ever going on holiday with her again!

Your DH needs to step up big time here. He needs to take his mum out fir the day. He needs to step on when she starts wittering.
His parents, his problem.