Just don’t know how I am going to get to Sunday without exploding

[Holidaynervousbreakdown]

On holiday in lovely resort with DH DCs and PILs who we invited as they’ve had a tough year. I kind of regretted asking them after we did as MIL is so stressful and I know I have no one to blame but myself.

Basically been looking forward to this all year, DH and I both needed a holiday so much. I KNEW it was going to be stressful though DH kept saying it won’t be that bad. It is, and worse.

Cannot go and sit by the pool with my book as MIL simply doesn’t stop talking. DH said to her today I think R wants to read mum but she just started up again five minutes later. If I sit in another part of pool ‘for the shade’ she moves next to me. I ended up just going in today and reading inside.

Our apartment is on the ground floor, PILs have apartment on higher floor. Our apartment just gets used for toilet and kitchen purposes with MIL just coming in. We have a one bedroom apartment with DCs in bedroom and sofa bed in kitchen/living area. I went for a sleep today and MIL just came in and went to the loo
and was bustling about.

Tried to get a break today and bumped into her on way to shops. She ended up
coming even though I just wanted to walk to the supermarket and have an hour to decompress. Spent the hour going round supermarket instead with commentary on everything I put in trolley and whether it was needed or not.

Every day is just running commentary of questions and thoughts on plans for the day, when exactly is everybody doing stuff, no spontaneity at all like there would be if it was just us.

They have all gone out for an evening walk and I’m alone in the apartment trying not to cry. The resort is so lovely and without them we would be having such a relaxing time, I know I have no one to blame but myself. DH and I talked alone about coming back here next year and I said sorry not doing this again with your parents and he just acted really hurt. We can only afford one holiday like this a year and I just can’t do this again.

"Like shit mermaids" - fabulous description

Totally relate to the non stop MIL chat. I've started asking hubby what he thinks about what MIL has just said to draw him in and then backing the fuck away from the conversation.

Feels like everyone is having a holiday from her chat except you :(

I hope it'll be better then you think it'll be

Earphones,sunglasses and be asleep

WHAT? Wow, just wow.

This would be my idea of hell and my MIL is EXACTLY like your MIL, which is why I also wouldn’t want to holiday with her even though she suggests it every year.

I honestly don’t know what to suggest other than getting your husband to tell her that you just want to be left alone for a bit and that she needs to back off and give you a bit of space. Otherwise, you tell her yourself.

I had to do this with my MIL when we went away for the weekend with them. By the second morning I had completely had enough of her and got up early to take the dog out for a long walk to get an hour or so to myself. Oh no, she heard me get up and got up with me then insisted on coming for the walk with me. I just turned round and siad ‘MIL, I mean this kindly but I really just want some time to myself- I’ll see you when I get back.’ Smiled and walked off. Got back to a tense atmosphere and her with a face like a smacked arse for most of the day with me so clearly it had offended her, but you can’t worry about that with these overbearing types. They know they’re overbearing and don’t give a shit sk you have to be a bit rude and not give a shit!

Hope things start improving for you x

You forgot to say, ‘she won’t be around forever’.

OP is not being a cow and if she was really being one she would have told MIL to bugger off.

It’s OP’s holiday too and she should be able to enjoy it without having to be someone else’s entertainment.

MIL is an adult and there are other people she could be chatting with or occupying herself in some way. Many adults know how to occupy themselves and understand that others may want some time to themselves or to do something as simple as read a book in peace. I’ve gone on family holidays with my DH, his parents, siblings, and their children. Siblings and DH will be in and out of the pool, MIL sits by the pool and reads, and I will take the youngest out with me to explore or go on an excursion alone and we all will have dinner together. We all understand that this is everyone’s holiday and we should be respectful of each other.

It takes nothing to take into account someone is reading and would like to be left alone, that you don’t enter an area where someone is taking a nap and make lots of noise. It’s simple respect.

I hear you. I’ve tried being direct with my FIL before about how I need a bit of quiet alone time because I’m an introvert and he follows me and tells me all about the fact that he sometimes needs introvert time too 😫.

I bet your husband reads his book in peace.

Even if you don't say anything now, when home you need to have a frank convo with your DH on why you won't do it again. Make him understand how you don't dislike MIL but didn't get a break at all. Do it or DH will invite PIL without consulting you next time, because 'it was so enjoyable last time'.

I've had to outline this to DH to ensure he didn't just 'invite' his DF on our holiday this year (I know he would do it in an instant). I told him how much extra work it is for me, and how his DF monopolises DH's attention and time. The kids & I would basically holiday alone as DH would alway be focusing on his DF's wants & needs & staying back to look after him. I don't think DH was very happy but he knows not to screw with my one holiday a year! I need a break!

Why can you not just quietly say to her “MIL, I’m so glad you and FIL came and it’s lovely to have you here but I’m going to be honest and hope you can understand and not be offended - I need a bit of my own time, I would really like to have a bit of chill time to read and relax and do my own thing away from everyone. This doesn’t mean you aren’t welcome but I get very little down time so I’d like to make the most of it”

the thing is if you don’t speak up then you don’t really have much room to moan. You either need to express yourself of your DH has to do it on your behalf.

Op imo you need to offend her. Or they will label this The Best Trip Ever and want a repeat next year...

You have my sympathies, we've holidayed a lot over the years with MIL. Now she has better manners than yrs, and can self limit a bit better. And she'll literally talk to anyone so I get lucky at times when she latches onto someone else and I get a break. So its far more bearable, and she can be fun, and someone to share a bottle of wine with as Dh doesn't partake.
But to play devils advocate here, do you think she's a bit lonely and delighted to have company and someone to talk to for the week? What's the FIL like? Do they get along?
If you can't avoid doing this again make sure you have the upstairs apartment, they'll be less likely to climb the stairs up to disturb....

You DH needs to be taking some responsibility for entertaining his parents, can’t he take your MIL round the supermarket or talk to her while you get on with reading your book?

You have my sympathies op, my mum is like this and it drives me nuts! I'm just following for the excellent suggestions!

You need to be more assertive overall and I kind of think YABU because you invited them and unless MIL has had a massive change in personality you could have foreseen this. So you've invited PIL on holiday but now your grumbling about them being there.

You are an introvert and she is an extrovert. She gains energy from interaction, whereas you restore energy by having time alone/quiet time. She is literally depleting your energy.

Nothing sinister, it's just a clash of personality and needs.

You need to say to your dh that you just need some quiet time alone to recharge. I'm like you, and sometimes all it takes is a few hours reading alone undisturbed to recharge and be ready for company. Go for a nap but tell everyone you'll be locking the door so you're not disturbed like before. Everyone can use the upstairs apartment for toilets for one afternoon.

How come she can just walk into the apartment? Can't you double lock the door?

Maybe MIL would like to go on some coach excursions from your resort? It sounds as though she's bored.

OP does literally say that she has no one to blame but herself in the original post.

She was trying to do a good thing for them after they had a hard year, but that doesn’t mean that it is ok for MIL to go out of her way to disturb her unnecessarily. There’s a difference between being chatty and being rude and ignoring the obvious actions of someone wanting to be left alone. Her DH should be stepping in to spend time with his own mother instead of leaving it to his wife knowing how his mother is behaving.

All the best op, I'm similar that sometimes I prefer quiet rather than constantly chatting and running over the same plans or micro analysing each perspective.

You will just have to make the best of things this holiday but don't go on holiday with them again. She obviously thinks that because you are on holiday together then you should spend a lot of time together. This isn't really an unreasonable assumption IMHO. But I do sympathise with you if you like quite a bit of time alone.

Ooh I have an elderly relative like that (tbf she was like that in her 50s too). NON-STOP Talking, running commentary, cannot have a minute on your own. It's insane and NOTHING works. None of the rational suggestions work. You have my sympathy OP, just grin through this and learn to never invite her again.

Can you sun bathe topless and hope she is so shocked she takes herself and FIL away for they day?