Just don’t know how I am going to get to Sunday without exploding

[Holidaynervousbreakdown]

On holiday in lovely resort with DH DCs and PILs who we invited as they’ve had a tough year. I kind of regretted asking them after we did as MIL is so stressful and I know I have no one to blame but myself.

Basically been looking forward to this all year, DH and I both needed a holiday so much. I KNEW it was going to be stressful though DH kept saying it won’t be that bad. It is, and worse.

Cannot go and sit by the pool with my book as MIL simply doesn’t stop talking. DH said to her today I think R wants to read mum but she just started up again five minutes later. If I sit in another part of pool ‘for the shade’ she moves next to me. I ended up just going in today and reading inside.

Our apartment is on the ground floor, PILs have apartment on higher floor. Our apartment just gets used for toilet and kitchen purposes with MIL just coming in. We have a one bedroom apartment with DCs in bedroom and sofa bed in kitchen/living area. I went for a sleep today and MIL just came in and went to the loo
and was bustling about.

Tried to get a break today and bumped into her on way to shops. She ended up
coming even though I just wanted to walk to the supermarket and have an hour to decompress. Spent the hour going round supermarket instead with commentary on everything I put in trolley and whether it was needed or not.

Every day is just running commentary of questions and thoughts on plans for the day, when exactly is everybody doing stuff, no spontaneity at all like there would be if it was just us.

They have all gone out for an evening walk and I’m alone in the apartment trying not to cry. The resort is so lovely and without them we would be having such a relaxing time, I know I have no one to blame but myself. DH and I talked alone about coming back here next year and I said sorry not doing this again with your parents and he just acted really hurt. We can only afford one holiday like this a year and I just can’t do this again.

have my sympathies OP. I think tomorrow when it happens again that you are being talked at when trying to chill you should just be really polite and direct and say ‘MIL I’ve been really looking forward to some peace and quiet on this holiday to just read and relax, please can you give me some space to read now and we can have a natter later?’

she might be a bit offended in the moment but it will give you what you need

Are you joking. Poor OP

My mil talks alot too and can't amuse herself or read quietly l I never understand it

I would lock your apartment. Isn't there a communal loo she could use

Pack the ILs off on a day excursion or lunch out. Then stay and enjoy.

Or be really direct and say "I really do need space on my own, please leave me read."

Sorted.

Very good point about your dh op. Is he stepping up enough or is he, like many men on holiday, skilled at creating a force fiend around himself through which his mother’s chat is unable to penetrate, leaving you to be the default family people pleaser?

You are much more polite than me, I'd have said "I've tried to read this paragraph four times now- do you ever give it a rest?"

Sorry but that's almost as funny as "like shit mermaids"!

I feel like I need a little handheld sign that says “Book and Pina Colada time” like in real life and at work.

📖 + 🍹

I’m an introvert and it’s very important for me to communicate my need to be alone (or I get very cranky!). I’ve found if you speak directly and confidently then people generally get it. If you’re awkward about what you’re saying, people feel awkward and may get offended. If you’re chilled out and emotionless about it, I’ve never found anyone has been offended before.

Family I need some alone time so I’m going to read by the pool by myself for a bit, see you all later.
MIL would you mind if I sit here to read alone please?
MIL would you mind if we had quiet time while I read please?
MIL I can see you want to have a chat and I can’t blame you, it’s gorgeous here. I’m going to the other side of the pool to read alone but I’ll send DH over to keep you company.
You’re welcome to use the flat for convenience but if we are sleeping please don’t use it. By the way, we are going to have family time tonight so see you tomorrow.

etc etc

And yes I speak like this to my in laws and they think I’m weird because they don't understand being an introvert but they respect my needs 😄

This would do my head in. My mums a bit like this and drives me mad. I love quiet, alone time but she gives a constant commentary on anything and everything.

No suggestions but you have my sympathy

We just had this holiday! Everywhere I went, everyone drifted towards me so within ten minutes, I had a crowd around me.

one day I just said to DH and PILS and DS “I’m not going on the trip today, have a fabulous time” I got in the pool, then went to make a cocktail and a snack and got a text saying “we are in our way back” forty minutes is all they lasted!

then I started to have siestas and lie ins in the morning ( when I really wanted to get up early and swim) and avoided everyone for days apart from the evening outings. I found it much easier if I didn’t say what I was doing and just did it.

DH loved it.

It was not fun enough, relaxing enough or interesting enough for me ever to repeat as my only holiday as a year.

you can make it to Sunday but will need to become Houdini and amazing at escaping. Good luck!

@Bellyblueboy oh glad I'm not the only one. I called it book hour. Entire family know the hour after lunch is mum's book and wine time. If its not life or.death I don't want to know. My parents now fully understand that as do teen kids. DH just about there. We've holidayed with my parents for years. Separate apartment and the understanding if you see us during the day you won't that night. When kids were young they always bb set 2 to 3 times. We like 200 miles part so all appreciate time together just not too much.

I'm just blunt

"I am reading, leave me be for a bit." only thing that works... for a bit.

The thing is, different people, and different families, have differing rules and boundaries about what is polite and acceptable behaviour on holiday don’t they?

I think if you are a reasonable and polite person, you shouldn’t just assume that everyone else’s way of doing things is exactly the same as yours. Especially when it concerns the already potentially tricky realm of mil v dil relations.

My family would be the absolute extreme opposite of op’s mil and respect everyone elses’s privacy and space so much that it might come across as rude and standoffish to some.

The point is though, not everyone is the same! Op is entitled to some privacy. And a little time alone with her dh would not go amiss either. The mil needs a lesson in tact if you ask me.

Can you get a lilo and stay in the middle of the pool? 😂 or will she swim after you? Just take it as a compliment that she likes to spend time with you (I know that is totally unhelpful😂😂)

Get some earphones and put them in by the pool- tell her you’re listening to your podcasts etc. When you go to the apartment for a nap, lock the door & put a do not disturb sign up. I think you need to just take a firmer stance and verbalise ‘Thanks for the offer of company but I’d like some alone time’ and say it with a smile then go. Xx

how much more likely your children are likely to mirror this and invite you one day.

Awful advice OP requires peace now not later.

Buy her a book?

I just guffawed so loud I woke my own shit mermaids. The best comment I’ve ever seen on mumsnet.

Like shit mermaids.

Outstanding. Funniest comment I've ever read on MN. A pity there isn't classics for comments.

YANBU OP. Your DH has got to run interference. They’re his parents. He can entertain them for some of the time.

😂 at shit mermaids

I feel for you I made the mistake of going away with my sibling and their family and it was horrendous. Came back needing a holiday to recover. Never again.

"Like shit mermaids" 🤣😄🤣 brilliant, no wonder you're the favourite.

Headphones work wonders in stopping others talking to you and drown out the noise. Go out for a walk and make it clear you don't want or need company. Tell her to use her own apartment as you are going for a rest and lock the door. Tell your husband to entertain his own flipping mother and you just want to chill on holiday without being talked at.

I feel for you but sometimes you need to be assertive and advocate for yourself. Does she help with the children at all? Can you get PIL to babysit?

@Squidlette not much can make me laugh out loud, but that comment did. Painted a great mental picture 🤣🤣

I'm sorry squidlette but that did make me laugh

Agreed