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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DS's new GF a CF or AIBU?

325 replies

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 11:32

Adult DS 25 still lives at home. DH and I go away every weekend in our caravan and so his newish GF 26 and also still lives at home (who I have yet to meet in person) comes and stays with him which I'm absolutely fine with she lives 3hr drive away. The last 2 weeks we've come home and she's left used panty liners both in the bathroom bin and in DS's wastepaper bin in bedroom.
I don't know how to broach it with him. He will take it that I don't like her without meeting her etc. It's not like she's a young kid at 26, personally I would either empty both bins before I left or pop them in my wash bag to take home with me. I left the caddy bags out as a hint this weekend. I would be mortified to think someone else would see something so intimate and for context they're not wrapped back up in their packet either.
Opinions?

OP posts:
StampOnTheGround · 21/08/2023 11:34

No problem with leaving them in the bathroom bin, that's completely normal surely?

ChristmasCrumpet · 21/08/2023 11:34

Why is your son not emptying his own bedroom bin at 25yrs old??

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 21/08/2023 11:34

You expect her to take them home with her? That is insane. She is a guest in your home, if it is a problem for you to realise she has a vulva you should probably seek therapy for your hangups.

RudsyFarmer · 21/08/2023 11:35

I’d rbi k a bin was there to be used, so would use it. It’s not like she’s sticking it to your dressing table mirror.

RudsyFarmer · 21/08/2023 11:35

*think

Darthwazette · 21/08/2023 11:35

I don’t see the issue with this. She is disposing of them in the bin.

WhereIsThisPlace · 21/08/2023 11:36

Hmmm I don't think I'd be able to help but make a breezy comment in passing - 'I'm really happy that you and GF are getting to spend some time together while we're away, and really looking forward to meeting her. Please do me a favour and have a whip round before we get back, empty bins and things so I don't have to see sanitary products, I'd really appreciate it Smile'

Any decent adult would be more than happy to oblige, and this way he can do it when she leaves rather than asking her. It's his choice.

Coulddowithanap · 21/08/2023 11:36

She put them in the bin correctly. Do you want her to take all her rubbish home with her?

Traxz · 21/08/2023 11:36

Its a bin....!?!?!

Summerrainagain1 · 21/08/2023 11:36

She's using the bin. I am not sure I would have thought to empty it. Surely if anyone shoud it would be your DS.

Step5678 · 21/08/2023 11:36

EscapeRoomToTheSun · 21/08/2023 11:34

You expect her to take them home with her? That is insane. She is a guest in your home, if it is a problem for you to realise she has a vulva you should probably seek therapy for your hangups.

This! Really not worth the fuss OP. What is really bugging you??

CatherinedeBourgh · 21/08/2023 11:36

She's a CF for putting her rubbish in the bins? Heard it all now...

Wanttoshavemyhairoff · 21/08/2023 11:36

YABU

FeltCarrot · 21/08/2023 11:37

Oh come on! You’d all seriously be happy disposing of someone else’s used sanitary ware? I’m with you OP.
And pantyliners aren’t good for the planet either.

sesquipedalian · 21/08/2023 11:37

I wouldn’t do it, but I’m a Grandma, and she clearly thinks it’s fine just to drop them in the bin. Surely that’s the sort of thing the bathroom bin is for? My bathroom bin has both a bin liner and a lid - just make sure your bins have a plastic bag/bin liner.

CatherinedeBourgh · 21/08/2023 11:38

Rubbish is rubbish, just pull the bin bag out and tie it up, what's the big? Yes, I have no problem doing this for guests in my house.

Poivresel · 21/08/2023 11:39

At someone else’s home used pads go in a nappy sac or similar and then in the bin unless the bin already has a liner then you would surely tie it up and put it in the main bin before going back home.
It’s absolutely gross to leave them unwrapped for other people to dispose of.

viques · 21/08/2023 11:39

FeltCarrot · 21/08/2023 11:37

Oh come on! You’d all seriously be happy disposing of someone else’s used sanitary ware? I’m with you OP.
And pantyliners aren’t good for the planet either.

And putting them in a plastic caddy bag as the OP seems to want her to do is even worse.

And yes, why is the OP emptying her sons bedroom bin for him? Is she perhaps looking for condoms, pregnancy tests, empty lube tubes……….

SpunkyGibbon · 21/08/2023 11:40

Hide the bins? Grin other than that remind your son to empty all the bins before you get home

Bluesky85 · 21/08/2023 11:40

She certainly shouldn’t have to take them home with her. But I do object to people not wrapping them up first. If they are wrapped then they are easier to tip out without sticking to the sides of the bin, meaning no one else has to handle them. Periods are normal of course but no one particularly likes to see other people’s bodily fluids! If it was me I would have a word with DS and suggest he empties bins more frequently during these times for hygiene reasons etc.

WhateverMate · 21/08/2023 11:41

I mean firstly it's a bin so I've no idea why you have a problem.

But secondly...

I don't know how to broach it with him. He will take it that I don't like her without meeting her etc.

Tell him to grow up and empty the bins (since you have a problem with it.)

mosiacmaker · 21/08/2023 11:41

If your bins are lined you shouldn’t even see anything? Is it period panty liners or just daily ones? I’m not sure I would be very offended by daily ones or even think to empty a bin of those? I can see an argument that bloody tampons/pads should be more carefully disposed of. But if it’s just the dailies then YABVU to care about this.

SunsetsAndSandwiches · 21/08/2023 11:42

She's using a bin for her rubbish. That's the correct thing to do.
If it was make up wipes or an empty face cream container, would it also offend you?
I would be mortified if anyone ever complained about me using their bathroom bin to dispose of sanitary products.
I think saying anything specific about this will risk creating a very bad start to your relationship with her.
If you really can't bear dealing with it, ask your son to empty the bins but I wouldn't specifically reference why as he might well tell her.
The poor woman, honestly.

wink1970 · 21/08/2023 11:42

You could just leave some little sanitary bags out in the bathroom, to make it easier for both of you.

catsoop · 21/08/2023 11:43

She's not a CF she's grim AF.
Who leaves used sanitary products in full view ?
That's just rank. If it was me I'd wrap it in loads of toilet paper & put it in the bin if it wasn't flushable.
She's rank.