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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DS's new GF a CF or AIBU?

325 replies

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 11:32

Adult DS 25 still lives at home. DH and I go away every weekend in our caravan and so his newish GF 26 and also still lives at home (who I have yet to meet in person) comes and stays with him which I'm absolutely fine with she lives 3hr drive away. The last 2 weeks we've come home and she's left used panty liners both in the bathroom bin and in DS's wastepaper bin in bedroom.
I don't know how to broach it with him. He will take it that I don't like her without meeting her etc. It's not like she's a young kid at 26, personally I would either empty both bins before I left or pop them in my wash bag to take home with me. I left the caddy bags out as a hint this weekend. I would be mortified to think someone else would see something so intimate and for context they're not wrapped back up in their packet either.
Opinions?

OP posts:
DinaFox · 21/08/2023 12:23

How about telling your son to tidy up after his guest rather than making her the problem?

RainyDuvetDay · 21/08/2023 12:25

It's a bin? Presumably it gets emptied into the bigger bin when it's full so I don't see the problem at all.

But if it's a problem for you then it should be your son who is emptying it anyway since she's his guest.

Zoreos · 21/08/2023 12:25

I honestly don’t think I could get worked up over something so insignificant as a pantyliner in a bin. Who is the 26 year old here? It’s hardly as though she’s chucking them on the carpet or leaving tampons lying around. You can buy small liners/bin bags for pedestal bins. Do you honestly not line your bins with anything? That’s even more gross imo. Others have broached the fact that you need to stop molly-coddling your 25 year old grown up child and make him empty his own bin and tidy up after himself. If you make a habit of picking at her for nonsense reasons I can see you being a subject of a “MIL from hell” thread in a few years time.

whereismysleep · 21/08/2023 12:26

She's acting completely appropriately. She is putting them in the bin.

You obviously have hangups about body fluids that are very common for our generation but you need to recognise this is your issue, not hers, and try your best not to judge her.

Having said that, it is your house, it's perfectly reasonable to ask your DS to do a whip round and empty bins so you don't have to deal.with their waste when you get home.

Damnedidont · 21/08/2023 12:27

I buy brown paper bags designated for sanitary stuff off eBay and install them in a small box in the bathrooms with a small framed notice asking people to use them for anything that isn't toilet paper that they wish to dispose of. This worked fine for years until some idiot flushed their knickers down the toilet!

ThereIbledit · 21/08/2023 12:27

Lots of (most) pantyliners don't come in individual plastic wrappers, but loose in in a cardboard box.

I think YABU, but it is also your home and if you're uncomforable with it, why not provide some (hopefully biodegradable) nappy bags, leave them out somewhere obvious like on top of the loo, and ask your son to ask her to use those.

multivac · 21/08/2023 12:28

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 12:10

Bathroom bin is lidded with a bag in it, but I still have to open the bin and see the contents, I don't empty DS's bin. I took some clean washing in this morning and there they were. There's a bag in that too.
I get it IABU.
I would just be polite enough to empty at least the bathroom bin myself before I left. I make sure there's a clean bag in every Friday before she comes, I wouldn't leave anything for anyone else to see. DH and DS don't use it. I did tell DS to let her know if there was anything she needed sanitary wise it's all in the bottom drawer, there's as someone else suggested nappy sacks, pads, tampons and wipes there should she need.

Good grief.

How long do you stare at the contents of your bin liner before tying the top and chucking it in your main bin?!

Fidelius · 21/08/2023 12:29

This reply has been withdrawn

The poster has privacy concerns and so we've agreed to take this down.

ladyvivienne · 21/08/2023 12:29

I agree with you - disgusting. I don't like changing my own bin with these in, and they belong to me!!!

Tell your adult son he needs to empty the bins when his GF has been around.

GRIM as f. When i'm at my mums I double wrap them in tissue first so my Dad doesn't have to see them when emptying the bin.

ZekeZeke · 21/08/2023 12:29

I've no problem using bins for tampons/pads but totally agree they should be wrapped rather than sunny side up! Who needs to see that!
Come on, that's just basic manners.

Tell your DS to empty ALL bins and replace before you come home. That goes for bathroom, bedroom, kitchen...

Taketurn · 21/08/2023 12:33

Not gonna lie, I personally wouldn't feel comfortable just dropping my used sanitary pad in any bin. Even in my own bin; I always wrap it in toilet roll so that it's not noticeable.

Fannyfiggs · 21/08/2023 12:34

YANBU

Putting the PL in sunnyside up shows lack of respect for you. Wrapping it and popping it in the bin would be the polite thing to do. Emptying the bins and leaving the place as you found it would be the respectful thing to do.

No one wants to see your fannybatter. NO ONE! (urggghhh using my name in vain)

TenderDandelions · 21/08/2023 12:34

If I were you OP, I'd buy some sanitary disposal bags for her and tell your son "these are for X to use next time she needs them. I'm sure she doesn't want anyone seeing her used pads."

I can't see how your son would consider that you don't like her even if you've not met.

VanGoghsDog · 21/08/2023 12:34

FeltCarrot · 21/08/2023 11:37

Oh come on! You’d all seriously be happy disposing of someone else’s used sanitary ware? I’m with you OP.
And pantyliners aren’t good for the planet either.

It's a bin. You just empty it, you don't have to touch things.

"Not good for the planet", OK, but it's not your business what choices other people make, is it.

CandyLeBonBon · 21/08/2023 12:34

Just ask her to wrap them in toilet paper so they don't stick to the bin liner. If she doesn't, just get your son to empty the bins.

babysharkdoodoodedoodedoo · 21/08/2023 12:35

What?! She put rubbish in a bin and you’re saying she should have wrapped up used panty liners and taken them home with her?! Surely this isn’t real!?

AccountantMum · 21/08/2023 12:35

I don't think she is doing anything abnormal putting her rubbish in the bin.

He should empty his own bathroom bin - if you are going to say anything to anyone it should be to your son maybe his girlfriend doesn't realise you clean up after him.

PollyThePixie · 21/08/2023 12:36

Poivresel · 21/08/2023 11:39

At someone else’s home used pads go in a nappy sac or similar and then in the bin unless the bin already has a liner then you would surely tie it up and put it in the main bin before going back home.
It’s absolutely gross to leave them unwrapped for other people to dispose of.

I wouldn’t say it’s gross. But it certainly is lacking in courtesy.

JudgeAnderson · 21/08/2023 12:36

Putting the PL in sunnyside up shows lack of respect for you

It's in the son's bathroom though. Poor woman is probably under the misapprehension that she's seeing a grown man and doesn't realise that mummy still cleans his undies and peeks in his bin.

Welshgal85 · 21/08/2023 12:36

LittleMissUnreasonable · 21/08/2023 12:16

Instead of shaming her for her natural body functions, maybe get your grown up son to do some housework and empty the bins and do his own washing

This!

Also don’t get why people call them sanitary products…that implies there is something unsanitary about periods! 🤦🏻‍♀️

moistclam · 21/08/2023 12:36

All you folk who agree that the girlfriend is rude for leaving panty liners in a bin are mental - it's. a. bin. Un-wrapped or not! It's human nature, crikey. But then again, this is mumsnet.

moistclam · 21/08/2023 12:38

Also "fannybatter" - christ, the immaturity on here. They're bodily functions people, get a grip.

Highlyflavouredgravy · 21/08/2023 12:39

I've been married for 26 years and still empty the bin myself if I've been staying stvmy inlaws. It's just respect!

ClemmyTine · 21/08/2023 12:39

I agree with you op. I wouldn't leave them unwrapped even in my own bin. But the gf sounds less squeamish than us

marblesthecat · 21/08/2023 12:40

She should wrap them up. As long as they're wrapped up and they don't smell I think it's fine. Expecting her to take them home is insane.

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