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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Is DS's new GF a CF or AIBU?

325 replies

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 11:32

Adult DS 25 still lives at home. DH and I go away every weekend in our caravan and so his newish GF 26 and also still lives at home (who I have yet to meet in person) comes and stays with him which I'm absolutely fine with she lives 3hr drive away. The last 2 weeks we've come home and she's left used panty liners both in the bathroom bin and in DS's wastepaper bin in bedroom.
I don't know how to broach it with him. He will take it that I don't like her without meeting her etc. It's not like she's a young kid at 26, personally I would either empty both bins before I left or pop them in my wash bag to take home with me. I left the caddy bags out as a hint this weekend. I would be mortified to think someone else would see something so intimate and for context they're not wrapped back up in their packet either.
Opinions?

OP posts:
multivac · 21/08/2023 11:58

multivac · 21/08/2023 11:51

I don't need to dispose of sanitary products; but when our sonsI' gfs started staying over regularly, I bought a lidded, lined bin with a non-touch lid for the bathroom. So they didn't need to feel uncomfortable, or that they had to stuff used pads or tampons in their bag to ' take home with them'.

NB it was an ordinary open waste paper basket before. My partner calls the new one ' your patriarchy bin' 🤣

Coulditreallybe · 21/08/2023 11:58

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 11:47

It's more the fact for want of a better way of putting it leaving them "sunny side up". I wouldn't mind if they were wrapped, they're just chucked in without regard. I don't want to have to see someone else's bodily fluids staring at me on a pad.

Then tell your son to clean up after himself and his guests Confused

WhateverMate · 21/08/2023 11:59

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 11:47

It's more the fact for want of a better way of putting it leaving them "sunny side up". I wouldn't mind if they were wrapped, they're just chucked in without regard. I don't want to have to see someone else's bodily fluids staring at me on a pad.

So tell his Lordship that and make him empty the bins?

Friggingfrog · 21/08/2023 11:59

It’s odd to not wrap them up but your DS is perfectly capable of emptying bins! Surely you don’t empty his bin at his age?!

OilOfRoses · 21/08/2023 12:00

Just tell your son you'd like him to change the bin bags over before you come home.

chunkychunks · 21/08/2023 12:00

Sorry but I think YABU

Bathroom bin - what's the problem

Bedroom - why are you in his room / your son should empty his own bedroom bin

FloweryName · 21/08/2023 12:01

Gross and inconsiderate to not wrap them. Someone needs to tell her.

Tourmalines · 21/08/2023 12:03

catsoop · 21/08/2023 11:43

She's not a CF she's grim AF.
Who leaves used sanitary products in full view ?
That's just rank. If it was me I'd wrap it in loads of toilet paper & put it in the bin if it wasn't flushable.
She's rank.

This
its disgusting to leave it fully face up in a complete strangers house , how disgusting is that . It should be wrapped up with toilet paper .

Proudgypsy · 21/08/2023 12:04

YANBU I wouldn't want to come home to unwrapped, used sanitary products.

Tbh I think she's cheeky for staying in your home without having made the effort to speak to you.

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 21/08/2023 12:04

I would definitely wrap mine up but it’s hardly the crime of the century.

He obviously clears his own bin and so perhaps just remove the bin from the bathroom when you go away. Then she’ll have to put them in his bin.

Grapewrath · 21/08/2023 12:05

She should wrap them but you’re really weird to think she should take them home and weird that your own adult child isn’t looking after his own bin

Itsnotrightbutitsok · 21/08/2023 12:06

OilOfRoses · 21/08/2023 12:00

Just tell your son you'd like him to change the bin bags over before you come home.

I agree.

Just be honest with your son and ask him to do the bins before you get back.

Not everyone is taught to wrap their pads up and this maybe what everyone does in her home.

AlwaysOnVacation · 21/08/2023 12:06

Why is every one being so obtuse? The panty Liner comes in it's own little pocket.. use it rather than chucking it in an open bin (or roll it up in a sheet of toilet roll). It has bodily fluids on it which is unsanitary when disposed like that... shows a lack of basic hygiene knowledge!

thecatinthetwat · 21/08/2023 12:07

I’d be glad that she isn’t embarrassed, ashamed or disgusted by her bodily functions and your son seems to feel the same way. You could make them both embarrassed if you want to though, in line with your own disgust. Up to you I suppose.

JudgeAnderson · 21/08/2023 12:07

Why are you emptying your adult son's bathroom bin? You're lucky that used condoms are not staring you in the face! It's far too intimate, he should be doing it.

WeirdBarbie · 21/08/2023 12:08

Bluesky85 · 21/08/2023 11:40

She certainly shouldn’t have to take them home with her. But I do object to people not wrapping them up first. If they are wrapped then they are easier to tip out without sticking to the sides of the bin, meaning no one else has to handle them. Periods are normal of course but no one particularly likes to see other people’s bodily fluids! If it was me I would have a word with DS and suggest he empties bins more frequently during these times for hygiene reasons etc.

This.

Pantyliner in bin, rolled up and wrapped it lol roll = fine.

Pantyliner dumped in bedroom bin, unrolled up = peak grim.

Growlybear83 · 21/08/2023 12:09

catsoop · 21/08/2023 11:43

She's not a CF she's grim AF.
Who leaves used sanitary products in full view ?
That's just rank. If it was me I'd wrap it in loads of toilet paper & put it in the bin if it wasn't flushable.
She's rank.

I agree. Why on earth isn't she emptying the bin bags into your dustbin when she leaves?

WeirdBarbie · 21/08/2023 12:09

Toolittl · 21/08/2023 11:47

It's more the fact for want of a better way of putting it leaving them "sunny side up". I wouldn't mind if they were wrapped, they're just chucked in without regard. I don't want to have to see someone else's bodily fluids staring at me on a pad.

Perfectly reasonable.

SmellsLikeTeenSpirits · 21/08/2023 12:09

Sounds like you’d just like to come home and find your house as you left it which is fair enough. Is it time for DS to look at moving out?

Dullardmullard · 21/08/2023 12:09

Why doesn’t your bin have a lid and then you wouldn’t see them

also your lad is 25 not 5 anymore stop cleaning his room he’s an adult remember that adult

bluedelphiniums · 21/08/2023 12:09

With you OP. Gross not to wrap them up in loo roll or something - who wants to see them - have had exactly the same scenario with my stepdaughter. Also, ignore the unsolicited comments about your 25 year old living at home - nobody's business except yours and no one knows the circumstances. I also empty my kids' bins when I'm upstairs emptying bins, I just whip round and do everyone's bedroom. Not a big deal and no expectation from anyone, just makes sense to do it at the same time.

Original poster
Toolittl · 21/08/2023 12:10

Bathroom bin is lidded with a bag in it, but I still have to open the bin and see the contents, I don't empty DS's bin. I took some clean washing in this morning and there they were. There's a bag in that too.
I get it IABU.
I would just be polite enough to empty at least the bathroom bin myself before I left. I make sure there's a clean bag in every Friday before she comes, I wouldn't leave anything for anyone else to see. DH and DS don't use it. I did tell DS to let her know if there was anything she needed sanitary wise it's all in the bottom drawer, there's as someone else suggested nappy sacks, pads, tampons and wipes there should she need.

OP posts:
Soverymuchfruit · 21/08/2023 12:10

FeltCarrot · 21/08/2023 11:37

Oh come on! You’d all seriously be happy disposing of someone else’s used sanitary ware? I’m with you OP.
And pantyliners aren’t good for the planet either.

I have had visitors put used sanitary products (tampons, sanitary towels etc) in the bathroom bin on many occasions. It had never occurred to me to mind. They just go out when I'm emptying the bins anyway. What on earth do you expect your female friends to do, if they happen to need to change these things when they visit you? You can't seriously expect someone to put a used tampon in their handbag?

Bellaboo01 · 21/08/2023 12:10

Yuck - that is gross.

Why don't you or your H just say to your son that he needs to empty the bins?

Very odd that she is ok with doing that though.

MXVIT · 21/08/2023 12:11

Whammyyammy · 21/08/2023 11:43

Because he's 25 and still lives with his mommy. He's a Manchild

Show quote history

I lived with my Mum until I was 23 then again from the ages of 27-30. I agree with your point around him being old enough to empty his own bins but to mock him for living with his parents is just rudex.

I pity your kids if this is your attitude.

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