Funniest thing on your school report

[KMA2023]

I am an oldie so did O levels and actually did well. We had an amazing form tutor but apart from frequent asthma attacks I hated school and would skive off anytime I could get away with it.

His end of year comment was "KMA2023 does really well at school but would do even better if she actually turned up".

My parents would probably have been fined now but I didn't care.

What's your best school report comment?

I had a glowing report for RE ( religious education) back in the 1970s.

Unfortunately it wasn't a subject I actually took....

PE teacher who loved my sister but hated me when I was about 13yrs. “Pamela cannot throw or catch a ball” to be fair she wasn’t far wrong.

DS's Y6 PE report: "It's a shame xxx is not very sporty".

Which is actually bobbins. DS is very sporty - just not football and rugby, which is about as far as his PE teacher could see.

3 years later, DD's Y6 PE report (DD plays every muddy team sport going) "it is incredible that YYY is xxx's sister.

From a music teacher: 'Veronica has difficulty with pitching' [I couldn't sing]
In the parental comments my mum wrote 'Is MrX teaching music, or baseball?'

I was rather chuffed to be told 'Veronica does not suffer fools gladly' [true]

My daughter got 'She is a good team player, so long as she can be captain' [very true]

"Moasty needs to speak up in class".

I got a job which involved a lot of talking (call centre).

"she knows her colours" (eg. Her art is too dismal to comment upon)

At age 6: 'ToWhitToWhoo needs constant practice with scissor work.'

“Lobster tries hard in art, but displays little natural talent.”

I mean, it’s true, but I would be sacked if I wrote something like that in a report now.

Nepotism is very enthusiastic about English lessons but has absolutely no talent.

I became an English teacher

'has got over the incident with the pyramids'

not
a
clue

My best was the report saying I was a danger to myself and others on the hockey field.

I had a primary school one where the form teacher said I was having problems with maths. My father replied that I had no problems counting my pocket money

In infants, dd had a comment along the lines of “Little Watto enjoyed the class trip to the museum.” She was off school with chicken pox at the time!

"Bruce worked very hard at cleaning the classroom"

One of my infant reports said

"ZZGirl loves the imaginative play and will often take on the role of the princess"

Prawn is Prawn is Prawn... but with all her faults we love her still - from my A level English teacher.

Not funny (sorry) but a comment that I still think of often when feeling down about myself - my Year 2 teacher wrote "I shall miss the twinkle in her eye" 🙂 such a lovely thing to write and something I keep in mind when writing reports for my own class - these comments can be held on to for a lifetime!

Not written on a school report, but was told I'd be an excellent used car saleswoman. This was after I skived an entire term of maths and persuaded the head not to tell my parents and to let me take my suspension from lessons in the deputy heads office. I spent a week answering his office phone and eating Christmas selection boxes. I actually wish I could turn back time and be that girl again as I'm a shadow of who I was sadly. I actually did really well at school in the end!!!

It’s kind of funny that I ended up with a degree in French when my very first report (after one term) said “Clarinet’s French is mediocre”.

At my school the teachers had to write something positive and I was hopeless at pe. So my teacher wrote "Ellie is very good at remembering to bring her pe kit".

L6 Economics report (in the days of O and A level).
"Meceme would be more successful in this subject if the U6 rugby team were not practising outside the window at the same time."
To be fair, he wasn't wrong.

My first school report from primary school had the line,
'Can be quite temperamental.'

Genuinely puzzled by this, I thought I was a model pupil!

I also got "does not suffer fools gladly" which I still have mixed feelings about.

One of my 6th form teachers wrote in my UCCA report that I had no friends which as I was aiming for a vocational degree with a strong people-based element was a bit damning.
Turns out that her DS who was in my year was asked (don't know if about just me, or all the class) who had friends/was popular for the teacher to write the UCCA report. I couldn't stand her son (in fact, in year 9 he had punched me) so was extremely happy going around with an entirely different group of friends.

We only found this out after getting 3 rejections out of my 5 choices and the school wrote separately to the others to say "ummm this was a huge mistake" and they interviewed me and I was prepped on what to say about this report.

'I shall miss Bridget's grumblings from somewhere below my left elbow. '

From a male English Literature teacher. Anyone else read something a bit rude into this or was it just my fevered 16 year old mind!

In the subject Art, in 1982:

"LetUsPounce tries."

Talk about damning with faint praise 😂.

Not me, but a school friend of mine got "Xxxx is a colourful diversion to the maths curriculum" in her report!