Funniest thing on your school report

[KMA2023]

I am an oldie so did O levels and actually did well. We had an amazing form tutor but apart from frequent asthma attacks I hated school and would skive off anytime I could get away with it.

His end of year comment was "KMA2023 does really well at school but would do even better if she actually turned up".

My parents would probably have been fined now but I didn't care.

What's your best school report comment?

My maths teacher ambiguously stated that he would quite like me to be assessed. Not sure by whom, or why. He was an alcoholic, and I have A level maths, so it makes no more sense now than it did then.

DS, around 8, had one with a small excerpt of his work book photocopied and attached. The question shown was something like :

"How do you think the author wanted you to feel after reading this paragraph?"

DS: "I want pasta. I want cheese. I am angry. I want pudding.

The report stated; "CrumpetTheYounger notably works better in English lessons after lunch, than before."

I got a, "conkers does not have an affinity for this subject. Overall score end of year exam 98%, year position 1."

Secondary school music lessons basically involved playing the keyboard, while the teacher occasionally listened in.

My end of year report stated that I hadn't yet mastered playing with two hands. I'd been having piano lessons for a few years and had just passed my grade 4 (I think!) piano exam!

My P.E. Report from 1976:

'Desdamona never arrives on time to the lesson and rarely has the correct kit her attitude is apathetic and she regards PE as beneath her.'

She wasn't wrong

“Daisy has the most English French accent I have ever heard.”

This could well still hold true.

Chemistry
Exam mark: 100%
Teacher’s comment: LoserWinner could do better in this subject.

I did one of those personality assessments at school. Everyone did and got huge reports back that were distributed to all the staff. Mine said with my personality type I was in danger of becoming a doormat!!! I was so offended.

Another friend was damned with the faint praise that she had learned to "catch and distribute the ball" at age 13.
Thank goodness she could throw a ball at that age.

PE/Games report “Rusty continues to take a little gentle exercise”

I came top in the end-or-year history exam having been mediocre all year. My report said "Sandy has been hiding his light under an extremely large bushel".

DS got "working at" for lifesaving skills this term. There is no context to this so we don't know what the expectation of him is. Could he go & work on the front line of a war zone? Or does he just know to get help if a friend is injured? I'm hoping not to have to test this one out so it will always remain a mystery.

In my first job, my manager was confused that I was perfectly happy with the statement "letmesail sometimes gives the impression that work is interfering with her social life". I did try to hide it a bit better after that

Geography teacher for the equivalent of yr 9 wrote simply ‘ Appears to be progressing’

In other words he had absolutely no recall over who I was. Still makes me laugh decades later.

Y8 report for Latin:

Gatehouse has ability but does not concentrate well in class and seems to expect all the rewards of the subject without making any effort.

Very true!

I had “Lorraine’s handwriting is appalling” as a comment from my RE teacher once.

Sadly my parents couldn’t read her handwriting well enough to translate it.

“PE is not ellesbelles’ forte”

also: “ellesbelles has an effective if not stylish swim stroke” 😁

I had”slipshod tacking” in needlework. Still proud 40 years later.

DS1 got ‘struggles with focus in class, but has an excellent singing voice and has made a positive contribution to choir this term’ same report, second page, maths ‘a positive start to the year, needs to practice his 7&8 times tables over the Christmas break.

since DS has the singing voice of a frog and had known his times tables for about 4 years at this point, we realised that school had embarrassingly sent home someone else’s report. (We never told DS or the other parents).

I met an older American woman who told me that, as a teenager in the 1950s, was given such a personality assessment at her school. It was obviously intended to test how shy versus assertive people were. She was shy and people often criticized her for it; so as a sort of 'cheating'/wishful thinking, she answered all the questions in the assertive direction. She was then told that she needed counselling for being too assertive!

Zanatdy talks too much. Still true now in the workplace, only I’m in charge so no-one can tell me off now! I do sometimes think to myself that I need to talk a bit less and I go quiet for a bit. Good luck I’m always disappearing to meetings so it’s not actually that noticeable. Working at home 3 days it’s nice to have a chat when in the office and that’s the message we gave the staff after covid, we are coming in for ‘collaboration’ - ie chatting!

Gingerlygreen swims like a demented windmill.

My best friend and I had a maths teacher who looked a bit like Bamber Gascoigne. For two whole years, every time he walked past us in the corridor, we would hum the theme tune to university challenge and laugh to ourselves at how hilarious we were.

On the day we left school we were humming it for one final time as he strode past and he turned around and said “I got it the first time ladies.”

Mine was 'flexigirl needs to realise that netball is a non contact sport' 😂

Halo is extremely knowledgeable. I only know this because of their exam results, because in class they appear to be paying zero attention.