Funniest thing on your school report

[KMA2023]

I am an oldie so did O levels and actually did well. We had an amazing form tutor but apart from frequent asthma attacks I hated school and would skive off anytime I could get away with it.

His end of year comment was "KMA2023 does really well at school but would do even better if she actually turned up".

My parents would probably have been fined now but I didn't care.

What's your best school report comment?

PE report from year 9 circa early 2000's "hatsforcats always remembers their PE kit". That was the entire report for PE. Fair play to teacher finding a positive given I was both equally rubbish and disinterested in most sports!

Could do GCSE Art. I hope she doesn’t.

"Giespiece will either end up as prime minister, or in prison. Neither would be a surprising outcome."

I had a friend who had to do a self assessment alongside the teacher's report. He wrote , "I hardly ever forget my penis". He meant pencil case.

Not school but college lecturer: "peakygold will attract people and do well". He was a total pervert, though 😕

She needs to come to school not looking like a walking Avon Book

All my reports says ‘very quiet, shy, lovely to teach’. My DC don’t even believe they are my reports! I found DHs reports in 6th form - he is extremely bright- and one said ‘if he can’t be bothered to work he would be better off elsewhere’. I felt so sorry for his mum.

Ewwww.

‘Her effort warrants an invitation to the concern evening. Her end of year exam results were the highest in the year group in 5 subjects. She is possibly capable of great things, but does not evidence this through behaviour or classwork’

Not mine my mum's for geography "does well to find her way home!"

"Bbq1 will never make a sportswoman" ... Cheek of it, i was really active but because I didn't excel at athletics, cross country or netball i was written off... The same teacher taught English as well as Peand verbally told my mum and dad at a Parents Evening that "Sometimes the way Bbq1 looks at me, I want to slap her face"!!! Worse still, i was quiet, shy and well behaved in school. Imagine a teacher saying that now.

Ooh I got the sports thing too, despite competing at a decent level outside of school! But it was horses and so didn't count!

Omg that is shocking!!
As an ex teacher how bloody unprofessional! Hope they were hauled over the coals for that!

"Madness has shown particularly strong skills in written French".

From my German teacher.

"Madness has excelled in snooker and table tennis this year"

Neither of which I'd done in PE. Ever. In fact, not one child in our school did either in any year in the five years I was there so that was a complete mystery. My dad was a massive snooker fan and got very excited at the thought of father/daughter snooker games!

Old thread, but I’m reminded about the time when the entire class got exactly the same report from the IT teacher (something bland along the lines of “I have enjoyed teaching <name> this year, keep up the good work)

The class wasn’t even doing IT that year, so goodness knows how he managed to get that into our reports!

I did teacher training in the 90s. I was based at a primary school in a really rough area, I loved it.
There was a lad in y2 and the teacher said to me ' in 10yrs he'll either be a hero or a criminal ' . He had quite a distinctive name and yrs later was in the local paper for helping save someone who'd fallen into a river from a waterfall! No idea if he achieved anything else!!

Panda wields a badminton racquet like a frying pan! Very true.

From PE Teacher :

When the going gets tough, Sunshine gives up.

Never a truer thing said

That's awful that she'd write such a thing.

Here are a few, some of them positive:

Often seen alone, as scalt likes to make up own mind about people.
Showed great stamina for walking, and left the "toughies" trailing.
Is a rather dreamy child, but could respond to teachers' instructions more quickly.

@flexigirl Many adults would do well to remember that netball is a non-contact sport (I am an umpire).