Funniest thing on your school report

[KMA2023]

I am an oldie so did O levels and actually did well. We had an amazing form tutor but apart from frequent asthma attacks I hated school and would skive off anytime I could get away with it.

His end of year comment was "KMA2023 does really well at school but would do even better if she actually turned up".

My parents would probably have been fined now but I didn't care.

What's your best school report comment?

These are hilarious! I need to find mine.

I seem to remember dbro got a rugby report along the lines of "If he would run towards the ball rather than away from it when it is thrown to him, he would do better."

Back in the days a report was a cluster of little handwritten slips stapled into a folder, I didn’t understand what the teacher had written so looked it up in the dictionary. For ages I wondered why he had said “Trethew is self defaecating”. Many years later I found the report and realised it said “Trethew is self-deprecating”

I can’t remember what’s on my school reports, but I do remember having “doesn’t suffer fools gladly” on an annual report at work. I was really miffed and wanted it taken off but he (line manager) wouldn’t. My mate got that she was very Bolshie on hers and she got the hump about that. 🤣

Teacher friend whose father was a Head back in the 60s. PE teacher wrote a report that just said, ‘ This boy is too small.’

Not me but my DS. The teacher started calling him by his best friend's name halfway through the report. I wasn't too fussed as he is probably better behaved than DS.

"Cerise has no problem with articulating her opinions on a range of issues", written by my form tutor, who then wrote a variation on that the following year.

If (name ) spent less time on talking to the girl behind her and more time with her eyes on the exercise book in front of her she could go far .

My favourite ever primary school teacher once wrote on my report, "Runner is very conscientious and a joy to teach" - I glowed!!

English teacher on an exam essay - "Runner makes good bricks with little straw here"!!

Probably best of all, "Do not be facetious!" on A level French essay on Maupassant - no idea how anyone could be "feticious' with the utter bore?!

My A level chemistry teacher said in my final report that he'd follow my future progress with interest.

Well, I should think so, Dad!

This from years ago was written about my friend’s brother.

John and I have both failed this year but at least I tried.

Not a report but a phone call from the head of R.E. - Eldest child had ' Ludo has an interesting attitude with regards to finding ways around other peoples viewpoints.' this was after a supply teacher made a comment about them adding Latin quotes to an essay. Lived up to their nickname of Loophole.

Middle child used to get comments about how enthusiastic she was, usually in P.E, and usually ended up in visits to the nurse or being called to take her to A&E.

Just read my last school report from 1987. "He won't amount to much as he is pretty lazy" I was semi retired at 49. I hated school but thrived in a working environment.

I was referred to as a “paragon of virtue” by my year 8 and 9 German teacher. Think she liked me.

My grandmother found one of my dad's shoved down the back of a chest of drawers that said "I don't know why Kevin bothers to get out of bed in the morning".

I once had to do a 10 page review of a particular topic- aged about 10.

all the way through, the teacher who marked it crossed out the word “gratefully” and replaced it in infamous RED biro with greatfully.

at the end of term, the report from that teacher said that my review “ had merit but that lack of attention to detail had spoilt it”

my mother’s shrill voice could be heard across the entire school when she confronted the teacher, who promptly giggled and said she had never really been gifted at spelling!

Mine are boring, so here’s an extract from one of Jilly Cooper’s reports:

“She has set herself an extremely low standard, which she has failed to maintain.”

Amiable is not as sweet and innocent as she appears to be.. sounds harsh but very justified!

Pe for me
dullard can zip through those legs at speed. I played hockey and was tiny but today that would raise some eyebrows

English Dullards writing is very dark she needs counselling, i wrote horrors of course it’s dark. Mother wrote horrors are not light and breezy. 1970s

these are the two that stand out.

Why wouldn't you let him see any of your work. Were you intending to publish it?

@CutTheBSJustGiveMeCake "Needs to be more outgoing and socialise more with the other girls." "Needs to improve her French accent" "quiet but has worked satisfactorily this term."

Physics...if CrazyFrogDingDing paid as much attention to the lesson as she does to her make up, she may actually learn something.

Chemistry.... Unfortunately the decision was taken to ban CrazyFrogDingDing from participating in the lessons for the safety of herself and everyone around her.

P.T.... CrazyFrogDingDing appears to suffer gynaecological problems every Tuesday between 10 & 11 in the morning. Perhaps an appointment with a gynaecologist may help to resolve it.

Otherwise my report was glowing. Haha.

From my form teacher "it's difficult to know what to write about seahorse as we never see her" it's true I was a school refuser, for most of my secondary years.

Summer report, 1984: 3rd year RE:

"Joan works quietly."

I'd joined the school in the spring of that year. Mr C clearly did not know who I was!

Something about my clarinet playing.

I have never touched a clarinet.

To be fair my class had 5 girls with the same name and another 3 in other classes and another one with my surname and a very similar name, think Lisa and Liza.

Not on a report but my first headmistress remarked to my mother that, "I'm confident I could leave sashh and her cousin to run the school" we were both 5.