Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sleazy text from colleague, how to reply?

198 replies

Chickentikka567 · 18/08/2023 14:57

I work in a job where we occasionally work with different people from various areas, sometimes we can work with someone once then not see them again for weeks.
Anyway, I worked with a male before around 10 years older. We're required to have all colleagues' numbers to arrange meeting times.
I worked with him for around an hour as required, he seemed pleasant. Asked me if I were married but I thought it was just chit chat.
I arrived home and an hour ago I received a text saying 'Got any single friends for me? ;) '
I haven't replied. Not sure whether to ignore/reply/report to HR?
Unfortunately not the first time I've had things like this. It's out of order. My reply would be telling him it's completely inappropriate.

OP posts:
Original poster
Chickentikka567 · 18/08/2023 14:59

This is the first time I've ever met him btw.

OP posts:
AffIt · 18/08/2023 15:00

Don't engage, screenshot and report to HR.

TyrannosaurusSex · 18/08/2023 15:00

I would keep the reply simple: 'this is not an appropriate text and this number should only be used for work-related messages'.

I would then forward the msg and my reply to HR 'for information' so that a clear and transparent record has been made of the interaction.

Original poster
Chickentikka567 · 18/08/2023 15:00

Thank you.

OP posts:
TetrapanaxRex · 18/08/2023 15:02

Reply -

Hi, I found your Facebook profile and showed all my single friends your photo but no is interested. Good luck.

Hearmeout · 18/08/2023 15:04

I think not everything life is that deep.

he's not asked you if you're single so I would ignore.

Maybe he's neurodivergent and doesn't get that you're still colleagues and not friends and so you're not the one to ask about prospective introductions.

If he messages again then fair enough, highlight it.

Sparklesocks · 18/08/2023 15:09

I would shut it down with a simple message asking to keep communication to work related matters only, then escalate if he continues.

SundaySundaeSondai · 18/08/2023 15:11

TyrannosaurusSex · 18/08/2023 15:00

I would keep the reply simple: 'this is not an appropriate text and this number should only be used for work-related messages'.

I would then forward the msg and my reply to HR 'for information' so that a clear and transparent record has been made of the interaction.

I would send exactly this and then screen shot.

However, I wouldn't get HR involved at this stage. If he sends another inappropriate message then I would.

Original poster
Chickentikka567 · 18/08/2023 15:18

Yeah, maybe I will leave it for now but involve HR if any further messages.

OP posts:
Findyourneutralspace · 18/08/2023 15:20

I had this. I just replied: ‘Behave yourself!’

It was enough to tell him I wasn’t engaging in his twattery but kept the working relationship intact. He apologised the next day.

Had he continued I would have taken a firmer stance, and I wouldn’t blame anyone who did, but the reply was completely the way I am and did the job.

Jellybean23 · 18/08/2023 15:20

"None that would be interested in you. Please don't message me again'.

ShinyAppleDreamingOfTheSea · 18/08/2023 15:26

When you say it's not the first time you've had things like this - do you mean from this colleague ? If this is new for this colleague I think I would give benefit of the doubt in this instance and reply saying that you assume he has the wrong number.

Instahelp · 18/08/2023 15:39

TyrannosaurusSex · 18/08/2023 15:00

I would keep the reply simple: 'this is not an appropriate text and this number should only be used for work-related messages'.

I would then forward the msg and my reply to HR 'for information' so that a clear and transparent record has been made of the interaction.

You have to make it very clear this is inappropriate. Ensure he has no excuse for thinking it’s not.

For example - same same but different - No, I have a boyfriend. Or. No, I’m really busy. Are conditional. Maybe you won’t always have a boyfriend or always be busy.

I appreciate this is not directly applicable to this message but a firm.

No. I’m not going to do that.

Is not conditional and it’s not a starting point for negotiation.

Then all the HR advice.

Aprilx · 18/08/2023 15:40

Findyourneutralspace · 18/08/2023 15:20

I had this. I just replied: ‘Behave yourself!’

It was enough to tell him I wasn’t engaging in his twattery but kept the working relationship intact. He apologised the next day.

Had he continued I would have taken a firmer stance, and I wouldn’t blame anyone who did, but the reply was completely the way I am and did the job.

I think this is the best response. It shuts it down firmly and there really is no reason to go to HR after one message.

Legomania · 18/08/2023 15:41

Just write 'Er no' and move on.

LlynTegid · 18/08/2023 15:44

I agree with the suggestion of telling him once how inappropriate the message is, if a second time then HR.

category12 · 18/08/2023 15:50

I'd just ignore it.

category12 · 18/08/2023 15:52

1 message I'd ignore, 2 messages I'd say "not appropriate topic", 3 I'd escalate things.

Topseyt123 · 18/08/2023 16:02

I'd also tell him that it was an inappropriate message and tell him to only message regarding work related stuff from now on.

Yes to keeping a screenshot and forwarding that to HR if he continues.

SallyWD · 18/08/2023 16:08

I wouldn't personally report it to HR unless he did this kind of thing repeatedly. I'd probably just say "not appropriate - you have my number for work purposes only"

Lenald2512 · 18/08/2023 16:08

In the first instance I literally think you just need to reply/

’Let me know if you need any information from me about work. Speak soon.’

Thats clear enough imo, if you need to escalate do so but right now I think that’s all that’s necessary.

OriginalBin · 18/08/2023 16:10

I would probably say ‘I think you must have sent this to the wrong person’.

HijoSinPadre · 18/08/2023 16:12

Telll him you"re notva dating agency

GinnerTakesItAll · 18/08/2023 16:14

TyrannosaurusSex · 18/08/2023 15:00

I would keep the reply simple: 'this is not an appropriate text and this number should only be used for work-related messages'.

I would then forward the msg and my reply to HR 'for information' so that a clear and transparent record has been made of the interaction.

This.

knobheed99 · 18/08/2023 16:18

I would reply saying that it's not appropriate and the number is to be used only in relation to work. Then screenshot and keep.
If he continues, then report to HR.
I wouldn't report to HR for that one comment he made. But I would if there was a repeat after he had been told it was inappropriate.