Sleazy text from colleague, how to reply?

[Chickentikka567]

I work in a job where we occasionally work with different people from various areas, sometimes we can work with someone once then not see them again for weeks.
Anyway, I worked with a male before around 10 years older. We're required to have all colleagues' numbers to arrange meeting times.
I worked with him for around an hour as required, he seemed pleasant. Asked me if I were married but I thought it was just chit chat.
I arrived home and an hour ago I received a text saying 'Got any single friends for me? ;) '
I haven't replied. Not sure whether to ignore/reply/report to HR?
Unfortunately not the first time I've had things like this. It's out of order. My reply would be telling him it's completely inappropriate.

Looool! OP do this

Not sure if being neurodivergent is the get out of jail free card people think it is when it comes to harassment

I agree @Aquamarine1029. The OP makes polite conversation in a professional capacity and has to put up with this. I’m also sick of women having to manage men’s behaviour and manoeuvre themselves around bad behaviour. Some men seem to feel so entitled to dismiss boundaries. It needs nipping in the bud, “my number is shared with colleagues purely for work related matters. Please stick to that”. I’d screenshot and I’d see what his response is. No contrite apology, or no response at all then I’d flag it with HR.

I would simply ignore it.

I would ignore it & delete it. Then if it comes up in convo, say 'I ignored it because I assumed you'd sent it to the wrong person.

Oh for goodness sake. He’s a single guy asking if you have single friends. This is how we used to meet people back in the day. Well do you have any single friends that want to be set up with him?! Would they like an into?! I know when I was single I completely relied on these kinds on intros. Get over yourself and remember this is how the vast majority of people used to meet and would still like to meet!

What you seem to have completely missed is that he felt as though he could text OP this after a first work meeting which lasted an hour. She had never met him before. And there’s something off about the way it was worded. Would you set any of your friends up with a bloke you’d only known for an hour ? I think it’s you who needs to get over yourself and stop being an apologist for sleazy behaviour.

And the op very clearly stated that this man asked if she was married.

He sounds like a Berk who went to the James Bond school of conversation.

Until I married mine, although he wouldn't have written anything that bad, I know his friends would've 🤦‍♀️.

Just send a laughing emoji and an erm I don't think so...

His winking emoji does suggest he liked you and was trying to make a joke. I wouldn't be contacting HR just yet.

This 👍

I second the person who said assume it’s the wrong number. I’d send a one liner back just saying “what an awkward message to accidentally send to a work colleague…”

then if he replies to that with ANYTHING other than an apology, you can screenshot the whole lot to HR knowing you are completely in the clear for a)appropriate professional response and b) trying to give someone’s character the benefit of the doubt.

"Pulling up your big girl pants" is shutting this shit down.

As for it being "Hysterics" to assert totally normal boundaries for yourself ...yeah. 👀

Or more likely a complete sexist creep who treats women like objects.

He is associating your interactions in the context of sex, not your work. Plenty of more appropriate places for him to have these conversations with women, if that is what is on his mind, that are not in a work context.

I would reply that this number is for work purposes only. Then screenshot the message and any other reply to HR for their records. If there is already a file on him, then this will add to it; if not, it can be added. As this is happened before you can also request a phone from work so you do not have to give your personal number out, and be very clear that you are interacting only for work purposes.

This would be the advice I would give to a man receiving that text from a woman.

I wouldn't report it. You are perfectly capable of shutting this down yourself.

👍

This isn't the standard advice, though I've worked as a contractor for years so don't have HR.

I get chatted up on a lot of projects by men who normally appear friendly. Most of them are secretly married. I'm not interested anyway.

About two years ago, one randomly sent me a text asking if I masturbate. Out of the blue.

I responded telling him to save this sort of conversation for his wife, or join Only Fans. Then I blocked him.

I kept a screenshot in case I ever needed it. I blanked him in work. It had zero negative impact on my career and I'm in a higher paying role now.

I've gone down the complaint and employment tribunal route before. It's very long and stressful. I got a decent settlement but it wasn't worth the stress.

Screenshot. Save the evidence. Ignore.

I would prob. reply saying not sure if you meant to send me this text but I've deleted it.

He just sent me a text. I was about to respond to tell him I'm done, but not taking the bait.

Opened and deleted.

Sorry, wrong thread!

Do this - including the bit about forwarding to HR now.

It has made you uncomfortable enough to seek advice here - there’s absolutely no reason why his potential discomfort at a conversation with HR, trumps your discomfort.

He may need some internal training/guidance so that he doesn’t do it to anyone else either. It’s not appropriate.

I wouldn't go to HR for one measage.
Tell him straight how inappropriate it was for you and made you feel uncomfortable and not to do it again.
End of.

This