Sleazy text from colleague, how to reply?

[Chickentikka567]

I work in a job where we occasionally work with different people from various areas, sometimes we can work with someone once then not see them again for weeks.
Anyway, I worked with a male before around 10 years older. We're required to have all colleagues' numbers to arrange meeting times.
I worked with him for around an hour as required, he seemed pleasant. Asked me if I were married but I thought it was just chit chat.
I arrived home and an hour ago I received a text saying 'Got any single friends for me? ;) '
I haven't replied. Not sure whether to ignore/reply/report to HR?
Unfortunately not the first time I've had things like this. It's out of order. My reply would be telling him it's completely inappropriate.

That’s right, embarrass him by calling him gay! Perpetuating 2000s homophobia is the perfect strategy!

🙄

Why so much drama? He’s testing the water, trying to initiate a conversation (albeit badly), just respond with a brief “Nope, and please remember that my number was only shared with you for work purposes :-)”

Keep it cool, don’t overthink it and only escalate this if he continues to attempt to make contact.

Agree with most of the others, unnecessarily harsh to tell HR after one message!

Presumably you wouldn’t mind if you fancied him and he was a bit less awkward! He’s making a move, which is fair enough. I’d rather not reply or use one of the other responses clearly shutting him down. You don’t have to be cruel or anything.

If he keeps trying stuff after that, report to HR by all means.

I'm loving Rosie's moxy. Did she couple the pic with a message about not wanting to downgrade?

Some thoughts:

• this is one of the many reasons why I never want to give/use my private mobile for work purposes. Of course HR has it in their records but beyond that I refuse for it to be used in days to day work situations/shared with colleagues. I always expect my work to provide me with a work phone instead
• Keep a screenshot in case he does this again
• in the meantime I would simply ignore it. Not even worth sending a reply and it should be the end of it
• of course if he sends more content then report him to HR.

I would ignore it and if he mentioned it, I would say I assumed it was meant for someone else.

After that, if he was persistent, I would tell him he's being a dick.

No way would I involve HR at this stage.

Yes this. Why do you need to share personal phone numbers. Surely meetings can be arranged by email or by sharing calendars?

"Your message is not appropriate and makes me feel uncomfortable, please can you keep this number for work stuff only."

How about that. ?

Don't be a cool girl.

He's not nerodivergent, he's not confused, you're not here to educate him.

This is your personal fucking phone that you pay for. Your personal number links to your social media too.

Don't respond, screenshot to HR. That's what I've done.

Please don’t respond with ‘behave yourself ‘! Sounds like something out of a carry on movie. Just tell him it’s inappropriate and your phone is for work messages only. Think HR at this stage is a bit of a leap.

For those saying HR is too much. I mean, why? How many creepy texts is an appropriate amount for me to receive? Should I wait and see if I get a creepy photo? Because then the line will be, " Well you should've said before..."

I can't remember what she said actually but I seriously hope she said that! 😂

"I think not everything in life is that deep."

THANK YOU!

It's like we've forgotten how to deal with things ourselves, a swift rebuttal of "behave!" as previously suggested would do the trick. If it doesnt, then by all means get some balls rolling.

For what its worth I don't even think the text is that bad? Ill advised? yes. Sleazy? No.

My thoughts exactly, imagine grown adults sitting around giggling at the idea of implying someone is gay because that's just such an insult 🙄

I also can't believe some of these responses telling op to reply "behave" etc. I am so fucking sick of this bullshit from creepy men, he knows exactly what he is doing and no doubt this is a regular occurance for him as he didn't even try to butter op up before he went in with his twatttery. And don't even get me started on the poster suggested he might be ND, I'm still scrabbling around on the floor looking for my eyes after they rolled right out of my head

The poster who suggested the clear message that this is not appropriate then screenshot it and send to HR has my vote. Let them decide how serious it is and hopefully at the very least put the wind up him so he learns to leave women alone.

Aboslutely this. For those saying not to HR yet - report it and let HR make the decision on what to do about it, he may have form with other colleagues, the next person he messages may not cope so well. Hr can have the conversation with him about what is and isn't acceptable

Massive overreaction. If you don't think he should ever for 1 second pretend he's a human being instead of a work robot then yes by all means report him.
From the words alone there is nothing offensive. If there is something more than you have described then please mention it.

For those saying HR is too much. I mean, why?

Because she has to work with him - and other people who know him - going forward. He’s done something that’s inappropriate, but not grossly offensive (would be totally different if he’d sent a dick pic, for example). Telling him directly gives him a chance to apologise, reconsider and put their relationship back on a professional footing. She comes across as no nonsense and in command. The risk with running straight to HR is that she looks like a tell tale who can’t deal with issues herself. And this is likely to be the view of her perpetuated by the offender. I’ve always erred on the side of giving someone a chance (one chance - I’m not a doormat) with this sort of thing. And it usually does get around and I think you do end up with more respect from colleagues for being able to handle it.

First response here is perfect. I'd say take it up with HR, just because it's the first message like this to you doesn't mean it's his first message like this to anyone.

Goodness, can’t believe folks would go to hr over this. Just ignore. Or respond lol. Yes it’s inappropriate but he’s hardly cracking on to you

I would take it to HR and mention that it made you uncomfortable that he also asked if you were married while you were working together. (It's the following it up with the text that is the problem.)

Meh, when I first started work I remember being advised to wear a ring on my wedding ring finger to avoid being hassled by male 'colleagues' - like to think we've moved past that but clearly not.

I'd just say, please only use this number for work stuff, thanks.

Write back that it's inappropriate.
Screenshot and report to HR

Private phone numbers? That's not compliant with data protection regs

Yeah also I would use it as a reason that I didn't want to use my personal number for work anymore.

I think there is fine line between shutting this down/letting him know it’s inappropriate and possibly causing yourself more hassle/stress at work.

I think a lot of people on this thread possibly don’t work in male dominated environments, and have no idea of the possible fall out from sending some of these messages. I’m not saying it’s right, but also, there’s such a thing as causing a storm in a tea cup, and messing things up for yourself.

I agree it’s an inappropriate message, I’ve had lots like it too. I’d either ignore since it’s the first, or reply “work only please”

I absolutely wouldn’t threaten to report it to HR, or get engaged in any other form of conversation. Men like these thrive on attention. I can guarantee if you said “behave” he’d reply… “I’m much more fun when I’m naughty” or something equally as vile.

if it happens again, have a word with Hr, and yes keep a record, but I’d imagine he’s just a Randy dog with too much time on his hands and isn’t capable of engaging his brain before his dick.

don’t give him oxygen

HR need to know that this is going on, because it is why it is inappropriate for people to be made to share their personal phone numbers. OP might be happy to handle it themselves on a first occasion, but they need to tell HR that on a number of occasions they have received inappropriate messages, and please could the policy on sharing personal numbers be reviewed. If they're getting the same complaints from others, they may then be interested in names, because if the same person is doing it to multiple colleagues, that needs acting on.