Sleazy text from colleague, how to reply?

[Chickentikka567]

I work in a job where we occasionally work with different people from various areas, sometimes we can work with someone once then not see them again for weeks.
Anyway, I worked with a male before around 10 years older. We're required to have all colleagues' numbers to arrange meeting times.
I worked with him for around an hour as required, he seemed pleasant. Asked me if I were married but I thought it was just chit chat.
I arrived home and an hour ago I received a text saying 'Got any single friends for me? ;) '
I haven't replied. Not sure whether to ignore/reply/report to HR?
Unfortunately not the first time I've had things like this. It's out of order. My reply would be telling him it's completely inappropriate.

So much bollocks on this thread. I think some posters may have been the sleazy older man in question themselves at one point or another.

Or actually write, No, I do not.

Fuck sorry

If I saw no reason for the female student to have complained about the message after I had completed a thorough investigation, then no, of course not. Don’t be ridiculous.

Just ignore it.
I don't think that's worthy of going to HR for.

I'm not the one being ridiculous. Earlier you stated “if a male child sent a message that made a female child feel uncomfortable, it would be a safeguarding concern and we would come down on it like a ton of bricks”. You didn’t say anything about doing an investigation first to decide whether they were right to feel uncomfortable.

Yes, I can absolutely see this happening. In fact, I expect it would be more common for a man to text another man with some "banter" about the "hot girls in the office".

Where did I say he was totally innocent or that the message was appropriate? I just don't I think the fact that he is 10 years older is particularly relevant if OP is over 28 years.

Quite. I wonder what world some people live in if they think men would never ask a male colleague if they had any single friends.

It has not been proven that East Germans or North Koreans are biologically different to us. Every society has its percentage of ugly repressed and unloved people. Weirdly a high proportion seem to work in HR!

Pardon?
Well this thread has taken a weird turn.

Agree. I just wouldn’t respond at all to that.

If it was persistent or targeting me in particular I would respond asking him to stop and also go to HR.

“No. Please only use this number for work messages. Thanks”.

Ignoring it kind of lets him off the hook though. Telling him it's inappropriate and unprofessional and that if it happens again HR would be informed, makes how the message has been received very clear.

Omg love this 😂😂😂😂😂

Id send a photo of a male friend with said froends consent obv n say he is free and interested but thst just me and my friends sense of humor
Other then that say no move on ignore no need for hr to be involved in such a minor thing

As a woman working in a senior HR position .... YES! We do deal with this and it IS sexual harrasment. How you respond is key. I suggest that you respond the following:
Dear X, your message is inappropriate and unsolicited. Unfortunately you leave me with no option but to escalate this. Kind regards X

Oh for goodness sake as someone allegedly senior in HR don't you have better things to do? He ill advisedly asked her if she had single friends he wasn't propositioning or 'sexually harassing' her. Jesus.

The correct response is to ignore it. If he persists then you escalate.

...and then of course if she ignores and he persists, it'll be "Why didn't you do anything sooner?" #go home pickmeisha

Not allegedly. I am a qualified employment law advocate not a Mumsnet expert so actually deal with this and the consequences on a day to day basis. In my experience unless this is dealt with appropriately at the start it can escalate to further inappropriate conduct.

I find it disappointing as a woman that you feel it's acceptable to be the recipient of these types of messages in a workplace and just have to ignore them.

Exactly my point. As women we do not have to accept this type of behaviour in the workplace. By ignoring it we become complicit, by highlighting it as not acceptable, we put a stop to it.

'I find it disappointing as a woman that you feel it's acceptable to be the recipient of these types of messages in a workplace and just have to ignore them.'

Not acceptable no. But 'as a woman' I do think we should be able to handle some things ourselves without running to 'qualified employment law advocates'.

Context. He said did she have any single friends. Not quite the bar for running to 'advocates' imo.

I would try to diffuse this without escalation. You shouldn't have to, but our society is fucked. When Lucy Letby was killing babies and doctors suspected her, management determined that doctors bullied her and needed to apologise to her.

I would reply: I guess you meant to send this to someone else. Try to keep things light.

I've seen the inside of a courtroom with a sex offender. The bullshit that they come out with against female victims is astonishing. "She wanted to have an affair with him" (when a man in a position of trust is raping her).

That phrase "behave yourself!" will be taken as a tone of "playful banter" by some people, especially leery men.

I wouldn't have any truck with it - the "just one message or comment, just one more thing and THEN I report it" feels like it makes sense at the time, but that creates exactly the space dodgy men adapt to and thrive in, and if they want escalate. Even if they would not be dodgy, you are depriving them of an important lesson about the workplace: it is not your pick up joint, you are not entitled to make it uncomfortable for others, and you need to be aware that is what you are doing.

Shut that shit down. Say it makes you feel uncomfortable and forward it to HR. He needs a shock, to make sure the next inappropriate thing, he thinks twice about.

Sadly, teaching men they are entitled to be sleazy and inappropriate without consequences can be very bad for the women they interact with subsequently, there are so many instances where predatory men have a history of going unchallenged...so even if you don't do it for yourself which you should, do something about it on principle.

Why are ones encouraging op to go to HR drama queen city my word where has common srnse and a sense of humour gone or can women not cope without speaking to a manager or having a man at their side 247 what happened to indeoendant women who think for themsekves dear me it one text message be a grown up pull up ur big girl pants say no n move on no need for hysterics

I agree that 'as a woman' we should feel empowered to deal with these situations, but the very fact that the OP has asked for advice shows that they are not. Why would you feel that it's 'running to' when it is a perfectly valid option to resolve the situation and for additional support? To ask guidance from someone who has a lot of experience and is trained in how to deal with these situations? The text is inappropriate and highly unprofessional for a workplace conversion.

Definitely this. HR if it happens again.