The other mum on the ward WWYD

[Lwrenagain]

I've just given birth to my beautiful little DD but she's been quite unwell and I'm only able to hold her during her feeds as she needs the light therapy for jaundice.
I'm naturally devastated, incredibly grateful I'm next to her and can hold her, bit we've not really had much time with cuddles etc yet.
Anyway, because of this, even though I've had a section, I'm well rested.
I really don't do anything but look at my baby. Like now, I could be asleep, but I'm just unable to.

Anyway, there's a mum here who's also had a section and her wee DS is quite unsettled and she sounds for lack of better description, fucking shattered.

I think they're asleep now but the poor woman hasn't had a minute to rest, let alone sleep. Bless her baba, he's a half an hour and wide awake lad!

I don't want to be weird or make her uncomfortable at all, but I'd like her to know if she wants a few hours kip I'd happily mind her wee fella for her, he's bottle fed so she could realistically get a bit of sleep. I feel awful for her and I'd love to help.

Would I seem like a creepy weirdo trying to steal her baby or would it be one of those "it takes a village" things and she'd be happy for the chance of sleep?

I don't want to make her feel awkward or anything, but I'd like her to know if she needs some rest, I'm literally a curtain away.

Hey, congratulations on your new arrival:) I think I would offer but word it as "an extra hour's sleep" rather than "a few hours" which she is unlikely to be comfortable with.

@Stonebridge thank you for your reply! I'll definitely say that instead of a few hours, you're right! I'm just rooting for her to get some sleep 😂

It's a balancing act wanting to be helpful but worried you're being a bit of a dick at the same time. 😂🙈

I'll definitely say it much more casually, just incase she would like some rest!

You're a hero!

Just a super quick and amazing update, seconds ago my baby's blood result was returned and she's now able to be snuggled and she's not under the lights, so I won't be asking after all, but I feel like I've just won the lottery here!

I'm so proud of my little one, we might even be able to get home by the weekend now 🤞🏻🤞🏻🤞🏻

Congratulations btw

Congratulations on your new sweet baby!!
You obviously have an incredible heart and that's seriously beautiful.
But you need to just focus on your baby and yourself. Even if you are only watching you're sweet baby under lights.

Congratulations

For what it's worth

The ward probably wouldn't have let you anyway due to infection control guidelines!

I wouldn't. If she wants to sleep, especially with a bottle fed baby, the nurses can organise for the baby to go to the nursery (or be cared for in the nurses station for a bit).

Nearly 21 years ago, when I had my first baby, there was a mother with a newborn next to me who was really struggling - my DS was quite settled and so I took the opportunity to offer a helping hand - I’m so glad I did, they were very appreciative and we’ve been close friends ever since

Congratulations! My first baby needed to be under the lights for jaundice too. He is now a strapping 6ft doctor.

I'd take that as you thinking I couldn't cope 🙈

YANBU, that’s very kind of you, but I would hope the nurses will be able to take the woman’s baby for a bit so she can get some sleep. They did for me after I’d been awake for most of three days in labour and had a newborn who simply would not sleep

Honestly yes I think that would be weird. I’m sure if you had your daughter with you, you wouldn’t want to hand her off to a stranger because you’ll feel in love and you’ll feel protective.

Congrats on your little one. Happy snuggling x

I don't think its weird. You sound kindhearted and a lot of people would appreciate the offer. She might turn you down and not feel comfortable with it, but it wouldn't hurt to ask.

I'd have been so grateful if you'd offered, mine wouldn't sleep. But so happy for your update, enjoy your cuddles 😊

The staff will take her baby and let her sleep if she needs to. They did for me in the night after I'd not slept in 3 days due to a long labour. I breastfed but I allowed them to give him a bottle as I wasn't safe holding him so tired. Funny you are offering as a fellow patient what do you think the ward staff are there for at night? I'd have said no to such random offer, she has no idea if you know what you are doing/are mentally sound etc. You'd be better telling the staff she's struggling so they can offer instead.

Is this common? There isn't a nursery at my hospital and midwives/nurses wouldn't watch DD so I could shower. I was in a room by myself and was told to just leave DD in there

And when I was falling asleep sitting up as I was so exhausted and DD would only be held they wouldn't help either, I'd be super grateful if someone offered this to me OP!

Yeah no nursery in either of the hospitals I’ve been in either, I don’t think this is really a thing anymore

To all those posters saying a nurse will look after your baby if they don’t sleep, in my case I found this very untrue. I had a 24 hour labour and was in agony, I was put on a post op ward with my newborn screaming, after many complaints from other patients, the nurse took him for an hour then returned and said “he obviously wants his mum” and handed him back to me. I was then told not to get out of bed due to my condition but no one came when called so I had to pick him up. I hadn’t slept for 48 hours at that point and was a wreck. My phone has died (no charger) the dad had gone home and I felt so totally alone in this world. If someone had offered to try and comfort him I would have accepted. Eventually I was moved to the post natal ward but told to “stop crying as the baby will pick up on it” . I then went on to develop post natal depression, no one would help or comfort either of us. Honestly the worst time in my life, in my experience kindness that like that is very rare.

My first was taken to the nursery as I was so very tired after a horrendous birth and then when I had my second, I knew I could ask so I did! They took the baby for about 3hrs. It was blessed relief.

I don't think they offered if you looked like you were coping and esp for a second baby but I was bloody exhausted so I asked anyway.

Congratulations, lovely news about your baby improving.

For what it’s worth, one of the other mums in the ward offered help when my baby was the hysterical overnight screamer, and I felt supported and appreciated it. Even though I would literally have done anything but let that baby out of my sight, the words of kindness and solidarity meant everything.

I had mine at home, so no experience. I was just commenting on what happened with a relative. They took her baby to the nurses station and watched her there.