The other mum on the ward WWYD

[Lwrenagain]

I've just given birth to my beautiful little DD but she's been quite unwell and I'm only able to hold her during her feeds as she needs the light therapy for jaundice.
I'm naturally devastated, incredibly grateful I'm next to her and can hold her, bit we've not really had much time with cuddles etc yet.
Anyway, because of this, even though I've had a section, I'm well rested.
I really don't do anything but look at my baby. Like now, I could be asleep, but I'm just unable to.

Anyway, there's a mum here who's also had a section and her wee DS is quite unsettled and she sounds for lack of better description, fucking shattered.

I think they're asleep now but the poor woman hasn't had a minute to rest, let alone sleep. Bless her baba, he's a half an hour and wide awake lad!

I don't want to be weird or make her uncomfortable at all, but I'd like her to know if she wants a few hours kip I'd happily mind her wee fella for her, he's bottle fed so she could realistically get a bit of sleep. I feel awful for her and I'd love to help.

Would I seem like a creepy weirdo trying to steal her baby or would it be one of those "it takes a village" things and she'd be happy for the chance of sleep?

I don't want to make her feel awkward or anything, but I'd like her to know if she needs some rest, I'm literally a curtain away.

I had my twins in 2001 and they spent their first night in a hospital nursery. I had lost a lot of blood during a CS and the nurses said I needed to sleep.

Times have obv changed!

Omg, I've only read the OP but this would've saved my sanity on the postnatal ward. I had a 3 day labour and section and I was so tired I started hallucinating. I was breastfeeding so I had no choice but to be up with baby as I wanted to establish feeding. If she's bottle feeding then definitely offer, the worst she can do is decline. And congratulations! You sound like you'll be a lovely mum xx

OP I was in your position. My second premmie vaginal birth at 36 weeks (so almost fell out). they were in the fish tank cot having light therapy. I was on a ward with Mums who had had horrific births and csections. I offered to help people as and when needed (I was able to stand, walk and lift unlike many of them) and no one minded and most were really grateful for the help (be that getting them water, holding a baby).

So I say go for it. She can always say no thanks.

Enjoy those baby snuggles. :-) Such a special time.

Congratulations 🎉

Do they have nurseries in hospital now? In the 80s there was, with nursery nurses - they would come round and teach new mums how to clean cord, bath baby and help with feeding. They would take babies overnight if needed and bring them to mum for feeding.

When I had my first he was a super fussy baby and so was the ladies in the next bed. We happily settled each others whilst the other had a shower or an extra hours sleep.
But that was over 20 years ago and we are still friends now (we make sure we meet up for coffee a couple of times a year).
It definitely wouldn't be weird to me to offer 🤷‍♀️
But just seen your update and glad your little one is on the mend x

If a patient refuses to take care of their infant you can expect sone concern to be raised. If you’re deemed well enough you should be doing it.

A nurse took my baby to the nursery overnight after an emergency section in 2003 so I could get some sleep. I was incredibly grateful. This was in Scotland.

No, nurse has responsibility for both patients. Well gaslit, though.

Congratulations on your lovely baby, and so pleased to hear she’s back with you.

It sounded a nice offer but I don’t think it would be allowed.

There really should be an option to ask for babies to be taken to a nursery for new mums to get some sleep on the ward - overnight if desired. I think it’s barbaric the way women are expected to go straight from giving birth to 24 hour care of a newborn. There should be an emphasis on their recovery.

Firstborn no, second born totally would 😊

I had a very similar experience and developed pnd. There wasn’t this rush of support, totally the opposite. Awful place.

That’s such a kind offer. The woman in the bed next to me complained about my baby screaming all night. I was mortified when I heard her asking WTF was wrong with my baby.

Very traumatic delivery and my poor baby had a swollen head and bruised eyes. I couldn’t stop her from screaming, she was in so much pain.

Both times, I've had midwives offer to take DD1/2 so I could get an hour or two of sleep (Scotland, if that's relevant) overnight. I didn't take them up on it, though I probably should have with DD1 as we were in a few days and I had about five hours' sleep across four days! DD2 was a planned section and I was well rested and flying high on those birth hormones, so I happily went without sleep that night.

Not remotely gaslit. Read what I said. If you’re medically well enough to take care of your infant you should be. It’s not rocket science.

If you're a patient in need of rest and unemcumbered toilet visits, you should not be "looking after your infant" at all times.

I take it you've not had a baby recently

I don’t think it’s common. Mine are older now, one adult and two teens. My middle child was the unsettled screamer on the ward. No nursery in our hospital definitely. I had to wait for family to visit before I could shower or even brush my teeth !

That's great news. My baby was in that billie box for a week, it's so tough.

Where do you live that’s there’s such a thing as a nursery! Definitely nothing like that in our hospital.

It’s a really kind hearted thing to think but in reality it could be interpreted as a bit weird/creepy/judgemental- we all know our hormones can make us super protective and a bit weird after having a baby so you don’t know how she would take it. As well intentioned as is obviously is.

They took my baby for me in the night when i gave birth in 2021, only the first night I was in, when I was less than 12 hours after giving birth. I couldn't walk and hadn't slept in days, they were very kind and really helped me, I did need it though it wasn't just a case of being tired.

I would've loved such an offer when I had DD, especially at night as i could barely move(and I still had a catheter in) and I struggled to get DD, change her etc. I did ask a night nurse for help but she never came back. After that the "help" I got was them allowing us to cosleep so I didn't actually have to leave the bed. By day 3 I was murderous despite all the lovely snuggles.