The other mum on the ward WWYD

[Lwrenagain]

I've just given birth to my beautiful little DD but she's been quite unwell and I'm only able to hold her during her feeds as she needs the light therapy for jaundice.
I'm naturally devastated, incredibly grateful I'm next to her and can hold her, bit we've not really had much time with cuddles etc yet.
Anyway, because of this, even though I've had a section, I'm well rested.
I really don't do anything but look at my baby. Like now, I could be asleep, but I'm just unable to.

Anyway, there's a mum here who's also had a section and her wee DS is quite unsettled and she sounds for lack of better description, fucking shattered.

I think they're asleep now but the poor woman hasn't had a minute to rest, let alone sleep. Bless her baba, he's a half an hour and wide awake lad!

I don't want to be weird or make her uncomfortable at all, but I'd like her to know if she wants a few hours kip I'd happily mind her wee fella for her, he's bottle fed so she could realistically get a bit of sleep. I feel awful for her and I'd love to help.

Would I seem like a creepy weirdo trying to steal her baby or would it be one of those "it takes a village" things and she'd be happy for the chance of sleep?

I don't want to make her feel awkward or anything, but I'd like her to know if she needs some rest, I'm literally a curtain away.

Congratulations!
For what it's worth, I was that mum 3 months ago. The nurses took my baby away at 4am as I'd been awake solidly for 3 days with a screaming child - including labour. I was a risk to him as I simply couldnt stay awake.
They took him for 90 minutes at the station and that was enough.
Now, if another mum offered, I would think it was a sly dig or a hint I was keeping everyone awake. Even if you mean extremely well, and I know you do - sleep deprivation can make you extremely edgy and paranoid.

Mention it to the nurses quietly and I'm sure they will spring into action to help this poor mum.
You get some rest too! And I hope your baby gets well very soon.
Xxx

@OhMerseyMe The cast majority of hospitals in the U.K. don’t have nurseries at all. If your child doesn’t need NICU and you don’t need ICU yourself, then you will be caring for them 100% from the moment they are born.

I had my babies in the 80s. With the first two, you were made to leave them in the nursery overnight. Things were more relaxed by 89 when I had my third (although I was left alone with my baby in a downstairs labour ward for a hour with the lights off when they all went off shift …) With my first, I didn’t want to put her in the nursery so I refused. The head midwife (sister?) was called in to tell me off. She said I’d been reading too many books and I’d end up on the psychiatric ward.
All or nothing. Then, they HAD to be in the nursery. Now, exhausted post partum women can’t get any break at all. I’ve been shocked to read some of the posts here.

@greenbeansnspinach add to that, limited/no access to pain relief is a common experience. If there’s a next time for me, I’m taking my own flipping paracetamol!

Pls do it, I had premature twins who wouldn’t feed and needed to be fed every few hours to gain weight. I didn’t sleep. I’d have been eternally grateful if someone had offered what you are - you are a hero !

Congratulations OP. What a lovely kind offer.

I had DD in 2021, pandemic rules so no DH. I had a 3 day induction with no sleep and then she was born in the middle of the night. I was so tired I was hallucinating. Luckily for me I gave birth on week two of a fresh intake of midwifery placement students who were all too happy to take her at 3am when she wouldn't settle. In fact, as my bed was wheeled to the ward, there were two babies at the nurses station being cuddled by students and HCAs. They did return her after 45mins as she needed fed again and i suspect they were busy, but thise 45 mins were my lifeline.

Thank you for lovely comments and well wishes, we're home now! I'm in heaven with her she's so lovely! ❤

A very mixed bag of responses to this, it's quite saddening how little support women get and some stories here have been heartbreaking.

I hate it's such an unsupportive experience for so many of you and I hope one day women rise up and demand much better health care 🙏🏼

Thanks to you all for your opinions etc, really appreciated.

Congratulations on your baby.
I'd offer as someone offered this for me when I had my daughter. It was during covid so I wasn't allowed any family and I really needed a shower as I had blood in my hair. It was only for a few minutes but I'm really grateful and it was nice to not feel so alone.

It does take a village. I was nearly 30 when I gave birth and the 17 year old in the next bed, took my dc when I was sat bawling my eyes out. soothed him, changed him and gave him cuddle while I changed my saturated bed and had a shower. She was amazing, she said she was eldest of 10 so had lots of experience with babies. She helped me so much, and made me feel so much better.

@Hankunamatata how lovely x

Congratulations again, OP, and enjoy this magical time with your beautiful baby 🥰

Lovely post, @Hankunamatata, she sounds like one of life's much needed people 🥰

@greenbeansnspinach

That's a really interesting and valuable post.

How things have changed. That must have been very hard for you too.

A middle ground where mums have choices that are respected would be ideal.

It's come to something that we don't even collectively expect this, let alone, demand it.

You legend and your little one too ! Congrats … remember YOU will need some sleep too and hope you have support when you get home 😘 - enjoy it’s wonderful all that love ❤️

Congratulations, but with regard to the other mum,why are the nurses not helping ? She's had a major operation , patient care is their job, or was once upon a time before they got their backsides welded to their stations .

Glad your DD is doing so well. And yes, it would have been odd. I had this with c-section no 4 and after 2 nights a kindly nurse took him to her station for hours and hours! 😀

Congratulations!
You're lovely for considering this and I would totally offer

Troll comment.
for a start we are MIDWIVES not nurses and as far as I am aware we are chronically understaffed, over the last 5 years we are being given more women and babies to look after than ever been deemed safe before. There is the odd person who is lazy but the majority of us don’t stop all shift, sadly we have to prioritise making up IVABX, doing clinical assessments, discharging women to keep the constant flow of patients going. Luckily in my trust patients can have birth partners 24/7 so hopefully they can help with the settling/passing of baby changing nappy ect basic care needs that staff don’t get the time for unless it’s a night shift where we can take them for a few hours.

if you are unhappy with the current nhs services (which majority of us are) don’t take it out on the staff, the problems are a lot higher up than that.

Mine got readmitted at six weeks. The nurses took one look at me and CUP-FED through the night, changed nappies and even gave them a bath. I woke up after a full night's sleep to seemingly a different baby (hospital tags fell off but they look extraordinarily like me so).

The nurses do step in and do things if they feel a Mum needs it. I'm glad yours is well enough to go home!