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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sorry, ANOTHER babies at weddings thread, but I would like your views on this - AIBU?

506 replies

champagnesupernova · 28/02/2008 22:41

I have a q good friend (ex-colleague, she was my boss but we've kept in touch) who's a good deal older than me, been big on career and so never got round to having kids.

Having been with her man for over ten years he finally gets round to popping the question and setting the date.

She tells me this the day I've arranged to meet her to tell her I'm pg with number 1. Big all round

Turns out the date of the wedding is 3-4 weeks after my baby's due.

As I said we're q good friends, so imagine my delight when a save the date card comes.

And then the invitation arrives addressed to Mr and Mrs Supernova (no mention of the bump, but it's not born yet)

I reply very early and in the reply card I put "Mr and Mrs Supernova and infant" and add a note saying I know planning a wedding is v complicated, just want to say that as it's so early and I"m planning on b/fing I'll have the baby with me, but I've heard they sleep for ages so hopefully it won't be a problem Wanted to check you're okay with this.

Met up with her today and said are you okay with this.

She's not and basically doesn't want us to come as she's worried about saying no to other people with babies and not us and annoying the other guests (most of whose kids will be grownup)

I am really really really by this.

She invited us. Knowing we were going to have a brand new baby. She could have just not invited us and said they were having probs with numbers and I wouldn't have been any the wiser. Now I feel that I've misread the invitation and that I've been UNINVITED.

AIBU?

OP posts:
snottyshoulders · 28/02/2008 22:45

OMG!!! That's outrageous! I wouldn't want to go to their wedding!! What an unreasonable woman..... I would just cut off contact personally.
Sorry no construtive advice...too tired

snottyshoulders · 28/02/2008 22:46

or constructive advice either

Neverenough · 28/02/2008 22:47

YANBU-she is, in expecting you to come to a wedding and leave an infant behind! Even if you weren't BF I wouldn't expect you to leave the baby at that stage!
TBH I would plead that DH is worried it will be too soon for you post delivery(or something) and tell her regretfully you can't attend.
She does have a point as lots of people especially if there are family members may well be angry if you are allowed to take yours but no others.
I think she is NBU in the broader scheme of things as it is her choice whether to have kids at her own wedding but neither are YBU-'tis an incompatible situation!
HTH and best wishes for your pregnancy.

MaureenMLove · 28/02/2008 22:47

Ah, I love this topic! Personally I feel that a wedding is a family thing, just by the fact that it is the joining of two families! Sadly, however, so many people feel that children at weddings are just a PITA.

I take it she has no children of her own? Which is probably why she has decided she doesn't want kids there. Sorry that you're about it, I would be too, but ther'snot a whole lot you can do about it.

Emprexia · 28/02/2008 22:47

YABU, why should she assume that you'd want to bring baby with you?

If she'd wanted your imminent child (congrate btw to be there, she could have written & family on the invite, but she didn't.

Octothechildherder · 28/02/2008 22:48

Don't go - snuggle up in bed with baby and get some sleep - she (ex friend to be) can clearly wait.

Dropdeadfred · 28/02/2008 22:48

she neds telling that if there is any etiquette regarding this then 'nursing mothers and babies' are normally exempt from a 'no children' rule.
However, seeing as your baby may well arrive late, I'd be amazed if you actually wanted to attend a wedding with such a young baby...

llareggub · 28/02/2008 22:49

Would you really want to go? If baby is 2 weeks late than you'll have a 2 week old baby and be leaking madly from every orifice and be so tired you won't know whose wedding it is anyway.

MotherFunk · 28/02/2008 22:49

Message withdrawn

nelliesmum · 28/02/2008 22:50

4 week old babies don't count as guests, I would have just brought it along without asking, chances are no-one would have noticed it was there (That's what happened at my wedding)

nelliesmum · 28/02/2008 22:50

4 week old babies don't count as guests, I would have just brought it along without asking, chances are no-one would have noticed it was there (That's what happened at my wedding)

amytheearwaxbanisher · 28/02/2008 22:50

ynbu

mylovelymonster · 28/02/2008 22:51

Some people do decide not to have babies at weddings, but she ought to have made this decision and told you about it beforehand, rather than put you in an awkward position. So 50/50 really.
No, YANBU that she's not been thoughtful enough to declare openly that young babies/infants are not invited (& some people do this, believe or not)
but, OTH, yes YABU that this is her decision to make.
She may regret in the long run, especially if she has children of her own, but it is her decision.

Octothechildherder · 28/02/2008 22:51

(((Runs for cover)))

AbbeyA · 28/02/2008 22:52

Unfortunately there is not much you can do as it is her wedding. I think it is such a shame, weddings should be a big celebration for everyone from babies to great grandparents-not some great showpiece. I can't see the problem as you would take the baby out if they cried. We had a magician at ours to entertain the children while the speeches were on.

mrsruffallo · 28/02/2008 22:53

YANBU- But you won't want to go two weeks after giving birth anyway.
I believe weddings should be joyous, organic occasions, a gathering of friends and loved ones to celebrate a union.
Then again, I don't really like conventional gaudy weddings anyway.

Emprexia · 28/02/2008 22:54

I just wanted to say... my BFF and Maid of Honour was getting married.. only her wedding was actually on my Due Date.

At no point did i ever even contemplate saying i'd be taking DS if he was here by the time she got married... infact, i didn't even know if i'd be going.. attending a wedding with a new baby wasn't on my agenda.

Even at 4 weeks PP i didn't feel up to going anywhere with a fanjo full of stitches....

(he arrived 4 days early, so i only came home from the hospital the day before)

AbbeyA · 28/02/2008 22:55

Of course she should have assumed you would bring the baby with you-how could you leave such a small infant for that length of time?

Octothechildherder · 28/02/2008 22:56

Just think of all the germs the baby could have picked up, the stale smoke lingering around, the coughs, colds and piss heads learing at your lovely new baby. The waitress spilling gravy on her and people constantly (accidentally) kicking her car seat when they walk past.

Leaky boobs, discharge, lack of things to wear and a pissed hubbie despite promises to stay sober ....

Stay at home.

Lauriefairycake · 28/02/2008 22:57

MotherFunk right - you misread the invite

yabu - but you won't actually want to go anyway, you will just have given birth! Good excuse not to go

HarrietTheSpy · 28/02/2008 22:57

If she has no first hand exp with babies, she might not have had a clue that it's not erally possible to leave them at home at 3 wks.

itsahardknocklife · 28/02/2008 22:59

I doubt if you'll be in the mood to go yourself anyway, and I wouldn't have been happy taking my son to a wedding at such a young age.
I wouldn't take it personally - she didn't know you were pregnant when she got engaged.

Tommy · 28/02/2008 22:59

I'm always a bit amazed at threads like this - why did you ask her? Why don't you just assume the baby will be OK to take with you? It's not going to cause any trouble or eat anything or take a chair or anything - at this age, carrying a breastfed baby around is just like carrying a big bag (which you also have to carry )

mrsruffallo · 28/02/2008 23:04

Do people really have no chilren policies at weddings?

hunkermunker · 28/02/2008 23:08

I'd be tempted to have a baby just to get out of going to weddings, frankly.

You lucky bastard.

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