Sorry, ANOTHER babies at weddings thread, but I would like your views on this - AIBU?

[champagnesupernova]

I have a q good friend (ex-colleague, she was my boss but we've kept in touch) who's a good deal older than me, been big on career and so never got round to having kids.

Having been with her man for over ten years he finally gets round to popping the question and setting the date.

She tells me this the day I've arranged to meet her to tell her I'm pg with number 1. Big all round

Turns out the date of the wedding is 3-4 weeks after my baby's due.

As I said we're q good friends, so imagine my delight when a save the date card comes.

And then the invitation arrives addressed to Mr and Mrs Supernova (no mention of the bump, but it's not born yet)

I reply very early and in the reply card I put "Mr and Mrs Supernova and infant" and add a note saying I know planning a wedding is v complicated, just want to say that as it's so early and I"m planning on b/fing I'll have the baby with me, but I've heard they sleep for ages so hopefully it won't be a problem Wanted to check you're okay with this.

Met up with her today and said are you okay with this.

She's not and basically doesn't want us to come as she's worried about saying no to other people with babies and not us and annoying the other guests (most of whose kids will be grownup)

I am really really really by this.

She invited us. Knowing we were going to have a brand new baby. She could have just not invited us and said they were having probs with numbers and I wouldn't have been any the wiser. Now I feel that I've misread the invitation and that I've been UNINVITED.

AIBU?

I agree, I was surrounded by people with babies and children (it took us seven years to have dd1) before I had a baby, but I still didn't have a clue what the reality of having a child was like.

It seems sad and a little drastic to suggest cooling off the friendship. I couldn't go to a wedding before christmas, because we couldn't find someone insane enough to want to look after our (then) 7 month old and 21 month old, and the wedding was quite away away, the couple specified no kids, my dh went (it was a college friend of his), and I sent a video message congratulating them. Of course I would have loved to have gone, but it was their wedding, and I truly hope they had a fantastic day.

But you did realise that leaving a newborn wasn't an option didn't you? I mean, I can't remember a time in my life when I didn't know that tbh. I might not have known the ins and outs of what babies needed (art galleries forsooth!) but I did know that leaving a newborn wasn't an option. I think a lot of people simply don't know that nowadays, and that's a pretty basic gap in common knowledge really.

YABU and that may partly because this is your first baby and you misunderstood the invitation. An invitation written to Mr and Mrs is an adult only event - it's not an invitation to your family. It's probably the first time you've come across this. Your challenges of how to manage with a baby are yours alone - not her concern. She doesn't know what's involved or what your options are, and it's not her worry. If you can't make it because of your circumstances, she will no doubt be disappointed, but she will understand. It's no different to someone having another arrangement that day really or any other complication which makes attending tricky.
We only invited close family kids to our wedding - 2 friends did bring babes in arms along - a few days/weeks old. Now I know what a major effort it was for them, I'm simply amazed at their energy to do it (both first babies) and travel for hundreds of miles. In both cases they bought friends/parents to look after the baby, so in reality they weren't "at" the wedding. Don't think either was in the church and have no idea if they were at the reception. (briefly so we could coo and congratulate as I remember and one of them was there at midnight to wreck our car ...) Anyway, it's an option to take a friend with you to take care of the baby while you are in the wedding.
It's not worth loosing a friendship over IMO. In life, we are given so few real friends.

I agree with LadyPenelope.

but the op's friend may not have known she was breastfeeding and so couldn't leave the baby and probably doesn't know all about expressing/supply. also when ds was 4 weeks old it was my friends birthday party. so from when he was 2 weeks old i expressed milk at the end of each feed and froze it so i could go so it is possible to express at 2 weeks. but a 4 week old baby is very different to a 2 week old baby if it is late.

Lord above, this is still going on!!!

/Kimi turns off PC and gets out the ironing instead