has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

Ahh yes, the dreaded low salary of 76k.

It's worth bearing in mind that private school fees go up each year- how would you feel if you decided you could afford it now but four or five years down the line you couldn't?

At the moment, you really need to budget for a 10% increase each year, and some schools have had fee hikes of more than this, this year- there are lots of threads on mumsnet about this! And obviously the fee increases are cumulative.

So in 3-4 years time, you're potentially looking at fees closer to £2000 a month. Will you be able to increase your salary again?

I'd suggest looking around at different state schools- small really isn't always best from a friendship point of view. I promise the children are not just "left to roam". Learning through play is a thing in early years, but it's not directionless and they all get teacher input as a whole class and in small groups.

In most primary schools, at reception age, there will still likely be a TA in the classroom with the teacher, so two adults to thirty children- which really isn't a bad ratio. Have you been to any open events at your local state schools?

Many schools will also have wrap around care, or you can look at options like childminders- this is really, really normal and a lot of parents use it.

Poor woman

Did you go to private school OP?

There are hardly any failing state primaries in the whole country. If you're in a good area with a mixed intake the school will be nice and the teaching excellent.

Tbh on £75k you simply can't afford it even with DH maintenance. We have a combined income of about £100k and couldn't afford it in a million years. The people round here who can are lawyers, in the city, or independently wealthy. Nobody in ordinary mid-lower high income bands can afford it now.

Also the "keeping up" isn't the right trainers it's all the extra curricular clubs and trips that cost £££ and then the extortionate uniform costs

yes because surely you’d pull a child up on that? It seems they are just free to roam and no structure. It worries me as ds has already got a home without his dad around so I want his school life to be as calm and focused as possible.

Of course private schools don't pull kids up on their uniform - it's the parents that dress their kids not the teacher. Is that really what's important to you education-wise, a nice smart uniform? And if you've never visited the schools how do you know the kids spend the day roaming free?

@unhw What are the real issues with the state schools you have a chance of getting into?

I think we understand children learn through play and exploring much more than they do having their uniform adjusted to look smart at your sons age, so maybe school just pick their battles? My children could be dressed for a catwalk show and seconds before they hit the runway look like they've escaped from the zoo. My DC are smart, we have a nice clean home etc, but my word, they can get out of a bath more filthy than they went in. It's a specialist skill set.
From this thread alone, I see our worlds are very different, but I'd not write off the place local to you over kids looking like they've had fun exploring etc? It really might just be that.

How many kids have an outstanding talent of this kind at 3 or 4?

I agree this can happen formally or informally as students get older? But at 3?

@PeelingWallpaperFlakyPaint thank you, I didn’t know that would be possible. How would I approach that? Literally just say I am desperate to send him to the school and is there anything they could do?

I find this really odd too.

It sounds like your family do a lot for show - not because it’s actually the best thing to do.

You haven't taken tax and NI into account there

I think it's doable depending on your outgoings (especially mortgage). We managed private primary on circa £2400 net/ month at times. Do look into bursaries even if they do not say they are available for children that young. This was a long time ago (more than a decade at start of primary). What maybe big extra cost and depends on hours of your job is holiday cover. Rather than your parents helping lots with treats etc are they in a position and happy to help with school holidays ?

@PeelingWallpaperFlakyPaint he is very well behaved (but then I would say that I suppose!). No idea if he will be particularly good at anything so I couldn’t say that.

This thread is batshit.

We take home £8k a month after tax, but have a high mortgage. we can only just afford for our only child to go private and that is for secondary only. What you realise when your child is there is that private schools are now only for the extremely well paid or those whose grandparents pay / have family money.

I genuinely haven’t come across any decent state schools

You haven't looked though have you? You've taken one look at kids in their nice blazers and decided that's what makes their education better. Rather than actually visit the schools concerned and seeing how your child will fit in.

@Butterflyfluff buying the new trainers and having the newest iPhone or owning a horse is a long way from spending thousands a year on school fees? Ds isn’t their responsibility

Dropping to a pittance of £65k mind 🎻

But the OP will have to pay for all that out of taxed income. So she won't have £65k net income, more like £43k.

People saying the salary is high, but even with the £700 a month maintenance it's equivalent to 2 low/average wages.. not in 'private school territory' at all unless there's savings or family will chip in?

I think you may have missed the boat on them starting nursery at the school this September though, most I've looked at took applications last year / beginning of this year?

Something else to consider is that the holidays are longer for private schools. So if you are a single parent you need to calculate if you can cover them. And factor in additional costs for summer camps etc.

I was that child for a year when I was 11. I absolutely hated it and begged my parents to let me leave. I became very disruptive until they agreed.

There are lots of truly excellent state schools. My children were fortunate enough to go to one. It out performed the local private schools in terms of A level and GCSE grades, lots of pupils went on to Oxbridge. We moved to that area when they were little because I already had an eye on what secondary school they’d go to because I knew we’d struggle to afford private schools.

Some areas have very sought after selective grammar schools if your child is bright enough. Don’t be blinkered, do some research! You could pour all your money into fees, but if you do your child is likely to feel like a second class citizen compared to their richer classmates whose parents can afford the fees and still have a lavish lifestyle. Not a great feeling I would imagine.

V good point @thecatsthecats

It’s just being a flash twat though.

The phrase ‘fur coat no knickers’ springs to mind.