has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

@SnapdragonToadflax this isn’t always true. Uniform is ruinously expensive when new. But most schools have a thriving second hand shop. I spent £100 in total on uniform for 2 dc from the second hand shop and other parents handing down kit for free. Would have costs more than £600 new 🤯

Your ex will have a right to a say in where your dc goes to school.

I think paying for private school at primary age is madness if you can't afford it. If you want to start with the nursery, you're looking at 15+ years of extortionate fees, plus all the uniform and extra curricular costs. Are you really prepared to do that?

How much do you actually earn? I'm a single mum on a higher than average salary and there's no way I could even consider private schooling. You'd need to be on a pretty high salary to do it without including the maintenance you get.

@Shinyandnew1 exactly. Maybe it simply isn’t possible unless I sell up but then I would be stuck renting.

I think private primary is a waste.. if you really want him to go to a private school then save up all you can and put it towards secondary where it'll count the most.

When it’s your first child it can be a shock going to a school and seeing all the other children and imagining your loved one fitting in. There may be a bit of this going on.

I know of no primaries offering bursaries for reception children. Not saying it never happens but it’s a vanishingly small chance.

I am going to be very frank as I think you are tying yourself in knots about this. Even people who are decent earners struggle with school fees (and all the attendant other things; more expensive uniform, more expensive trips, longer school holidays). I do not think you can afford private school on what you describe as a low income. You will torment yourself trying to make it work.

Most private schools increase fees more than the rate of inflation. And they go up as they go through the years too.

It would be much much worse to start your DS at a private school then have to remove him.

Look into moving if you really dislike the state schools near you. Save as much as you can so you can give your DS other opportunities out of school (music, sport etc).

And do all you can to improve your earning capacity so, if it really does not work out in the state sector, you are in a position to command a bigger salary that might mage it more viable for you to go private in the future.

There are definitely things you can do to take control of the situation. But, truly, for now the idea of private school is unrealistic in my view.

Would you? Maybe their parents are on a lowish salary and can't afford brand spanking new uniforms and are working every hour God sends and don't have time to make sure little Jimmy's nails are trimmed and his hair in a comb over.

I can tell you now there were several children in my primary school similar as to how you are describing these children and they have gone on to excel in life.

@Doyoumind 76 soon to drop to 65

This shows true lack of understanding of the school system.

I work at a London private prep school. Most of the boys look like they’ve been dragged through a hedge backwards.

Yes, they have uniform, yes, they have to look smart at various events and functions, but day to day at school no one is barking at them to smarten up. No detentions for uniform infractions.

I think you ought to consider more carefully what it is you are looking for.

@Clefable you are judging the local state schools on what you can observe from seeing the children outside of the school. You have no idea what their OFSTED ratings are, or what their current SATS results are, and the historical results are for each school. That's basic information you need before making a rational comparison. You would also need to go to the school open days and have a look round for yourself, and see what the atmosphere is like in the classrooms.

If it's not a rational decision, and you just don't want to use the state system, then you'd be looking at the local private schools, what their fees are and if there's any help with those. Plus all the extras. And we don't know what you earn, what your disposable income is, so no one here can actually advise you specifically.

Have you considered a small village school with small class sizes, if you want a quieter environment?

Also, you say your parents are wealthy - would they make a contribution to any fees, rather than paying them altogether? Instead of providing the "right" trainers, perhaps.

@Clefable sorry, I didn't mean to mention your username!

I think you need to reassess what counts as a low salary!

@RoseslnTheHospital no they won’t contribute at all as they say it wouldn’t be fair on other grandchildren. They’ve said they would sort all the ‘nice’ bits though.

So fees, extra costs, child care is going to be about around 25k can u live on 40k? Then use the £700 for treats/saving in case anything changes

The way you view those state schooled children is the way the rich private schooled children will view your child 😢

Id definitely move to the best area you can afford. You have a decent salary but its not a private school salary in my view.

What are you on about?

Pleased some real research about the local schools before you decide to bankrupt yourself so your DS doesn't have to mix with the riff raff who aren't smartly dressed enough for your liking.

@unhw you say "I genuinely haven’t come across any decent state schools" - how do you know? How many have you visited, and what do you know about them?

I would stick with the local schools which aren't private and perhaps pay for a tutor when necessary if you feel you child isn't getting what they need

I agree. The way a child is dressed has nothing to do with how well they are being educated.
OP it does seem as though you are focusing on superficial things.
You are talking about very young children of course the teacher shouldn't pull them up on what they are wearing I would worry if 5 year olds didn't come out of school looking disheveled and untidy. It shows they have been active. Young children don't learn by sitting quietly at a desk all day.
And it may not seem to you as though there is a structure but there is.

What does "free to roam" mean? Like between classrooms?

Preschool nursery the whole concept is to roam from indoor to outdoor to set up areas of activity and self manage what they want to play with, and the staff move from area to area working with the little ones on tasks and activities.

I can't imagine a private pre school would be much different? Maybe a smaller group?

It’s hilarious isn’t it?

The kids at the school I work at all seem to have mullets and blazers too small or big.

Fees are £20k

Let’s be real here: I’m sure lots of us would really love our kids to go to private school, but only high earners/people rolling in family money can manage it. It’s that brutal.

I hate the fact that my autistic child has to battle it out in a class of 32, but I have no choice.

@paddleboarder12 what would that achieve though? We are currently in a ‘good’ area. I genuinely haven’t come across any decent state schools

There are lots of areas with very good state schools, my family moved when my DC were 2 and 3 so they could go to a good primary and secondary school. We used the money we would have spent on school fees
school fees on absolutely any clubs they wanted to do, books, books and more books, days out every weekend and travel and pension contributions.

OP why will you soon lose such a large chunk of your salary, and is there any way you can avoid this? Are you going PT?

depending on area of the country (ie what do you pay on housing, do you commute?) on a salary of 75k for prep school that should be possible, however at secondary the fees tend to hike massively.

There are usually scholarships available from 7+, but these aren’t that generous these days (I think 30% is the max that’s offered by most preps near here and that’s for those coming top in entrance exams or playing two instruments at grade 5+ at age 7…)

if you’re close to any, international schools can have lower fees and still have the small class sizes that it seems you are looking for. Might be worth searching

At the moment I have a low income (temporarily only I hope, and a relative is paying for school in the meantime), but we were on a very high income before that. My parents also had a decent income to be able to afford my education, though it's not something I thought about at the time.

I don't see how you could manage it. There are some, few, bursaries at secondary, but they're not easy to get.

Hah DS had a skullet last summer, although he did get it cut again before term started.

To be fair his private school does insist on sticking to their uniforms a lot more than the local state, so they do look smarter. I bought most of the uniform from the second hand shop or FB site so it wasn't that expensive.