has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

Don't let your kid be the poor one in a fancy school who can't join in with anything.

The smartly dressed comment is ridiculous and even private schools will struggle to make 4 year olds appear organised!

If you're determined then save up as hard as you can for private secondary but have a serious think about what benefits you think your child will get vs the sacrifices you're going to have to make and the cutbacks to other areas of his life.

@PonyPatter44 i don’t feel I can factor in the maintenance as it could change at any time if he suddenly decides he wants to have ds overnight etc

Seems odd that one of your deciding factors is that they finish at 3.20. Which is standard school finish time rather than the quality of the education.

The kids do breakfast and after school club. Or sports/art clubs. Or childminder. There are loads of options for working parents in state education.

How much do you earn?

How low is your salary?
Could you move?

How does kids not being smartly dressed have any connection to the time a teacher has to spend with them?

I went to a private school on a scholarship. I was convinced we were poor because I didn't have a pony and we went on camping holidays rather than to hotels abroad.

@Clefable yes because surely you’d pull a child up on that? It seems they are just free to roam and no structure. It worries me as ds has already got a home without his dad around so I want his school life to be as calm and focused as possible.

Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him

Obviously?! Would it increase or decrease?!

I think unless you have a wealthy ex who wants to pay for private school, you’re not going to be able to afford it on a low single income.

I wouldn't stretch myself if I couldn't OP. What if your financial situation took a drastic change and you had to pull your DS out because you couldn't afford fees any longer.. imagine the heartbreak. Plenty of two parent families can't afford private school with two salaries so I think you'd struggle.

I’d just like to chip in that it doesn’t cost much to “keep up” with the children at our (really amazing) prep school. Lots of very wealthy parents but lots of parents who sacrifice a fair bit to afford the fees. Keeping up at the moment means an air up water bottle and a summer holiday somewhere. If some people are snobby about whether that holiday is Cornwall or the Seychelles, I haven’t heard it!

Some children come to school in £100k cars. Some come to school in battered old Golfs. Both are fine. I just don’t buy into comparing our family to other families - it’s easier than you’d think and the children like going to peoples houses because they have a dog/cat/sweet shop nearby just as much as they like houses with swimming pools and home cinemas.

@paddleboarder12 i currently earn ok (76k) but this will drop to 65 soon.

Roughly what part of the country are you in OP? Is it inner city, rural, suburban? Why do you think the primaries are so bad - is it the families who use the schools? You can be honest.

Private schools also close early some earlier tham state schools and they have longer school holidays.
Private schools are not better than state schools just because you have to pay for them.

Honestly, I think you are looking at your precious 3yo and can't imagine him at a secondary school. Well, no one can at that age.

Save your money. Let him go to the local primary. You can always pay for tutoring or do it yourself. Save money for private secondary and then make the decision when he is 10/11. Not when he is 3.

Something else to bear in mind is that private schools assume you are wealthy, and everything extra is expensive. Even school uniform will be significantly more than state schools.

If you're not factoring in your maintenance, and you're able to pay 1500 quid school fees every month without it, plus your normal living costs, I think its disingenuous to simper that you're on a "lowish salary". If you can afford it, do it. Don't forget to factor in the annual fee rises - that was the bit that hurt us when DD was at private school.

Rarely before Y3 or Y4

Lowish salary!

@Shinyandnew1 i only get full maintenance as ds does not stay with ex. If ex wants him to stay then maintenance drops.

76k isn’t a lowish salary, why not move to a better area?

@unhw some schools really are not that hot on uniform. Our prep school really is, but it’s way down on the list of why we love the school!

@3pm no not at all. I worry they have too many kids and don’t know how he would learn in that environment

@paddleboarder12 what would that achieve though? We are currently in a ‘good’ area. I genuinely haven’t come across any decent state schools