has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

I'd expect to be able to pay school fees for one child on £76k p/a tbh. It might not be amazing, but it would be doable. If it's important to you then go for it

8am - 6pm... 10 hours of school a day for a 4 year old because your aghast at the thought of a 3pm pick up like every other parent in the country has to do. your kids not even school age yet and your trying to ship him off for the majority of his waking week so hes not a hindrance to you.

If you really need to work at least do play group or something, give the kid a life outside of just 'school'. Also if you don't spend £18k a year you might not need to work so many hours in the first place.

Maybe if your so worried about being a mam effecting your job just go for straight up boarding school and not worry about him being a hindrance at all.

Barely any smartly dressed.

Oh dear. You have smart taste on a not-so-smart income.

@unhw

Ummm owning a horse actually does cost thousands a year, depending on your livery arrangements

I think you need to do a lot more research on both the costs involved and also the alternative local primaries and secondaries before you make a decision that might ruin financially and potentially make your kid fairly unhappy

Your DS will be fine at the state school. He's not some exceptional case and I guarantee he won't always be smartly dressed or appear to be this ideal of a child that you're expecting to see at a fine primary school. He'll do well with you to support him and won't catch poverty or whatever sins you think the kids at the state school are spreading. You're a single mum who can't afford private anyway so I don't know why you think your DS is some cut above the norm. Stop panicking and engage properly with what actually goes on in educational terms. It's an active choice that kids in reception get to start off with self-directed activities for good reason.

I think judging local state schools purely on appearances is pretty shallow, actually. 90% plus of British kids go to state schools and the majority come out absolutely fine. Snobbery isn't a pretty thing to model.

I think to be fair to the OP if you have been privately educated yourself and have never been in a state school, I think it is a shock!

Not me personally, standard British state primary and comp for me!

I know of one single mum practically making herself destitute to send two DC through private school, she was privately educated herself but there has been a downturn in fortunes.
And another who was educated in a cathedral school type school who is shocked at the actually pretty good local comprehensives.

But at the end of the day I wouldn't sacrifice other luxuries to do it, and if you can't afford it, you really only have the option of state. I think you need to look into the state options properly and look past your first impressions to the stuff that is really going to make a difference.

On your salary you should be able to afford a lot of extra enriching experiences and the wealthy grandparents can help with this too.

The way you describe the primary school you sound like a snob.

With regards to school finish time what do you the majority of most working parents do!!! Pay for wraparound care

I’m sorry but you are the worst kind.

you will make your child loose out on thinfs at home just to send them to a private school. £18k a year when you could put £18k a year into different things. 95% have grown up in state schools and are decent human beings.

I also wouldn’t rely on my parents for ANYTHING. That my child needs. My mother will buy a toy or an outfit every so often or if we’re in a shop and we see something she’ll go oh I’ll get this.

you need to look at yourself. I’m sorry. You’ll turn your child into a snob before long.

theres nothing wrong with “ state” schools if they have good ofsted reports. You’re the problem. It’s also down to a child and parents as well as the school and teachers hat they get out of their learning.

Good luck with that.

There are parents who have needed to remove their children into the state sector due to the COL situation (income dropped to less than your 76k), even recent threads on here - they've all been unable to get financial help from the school as it's already been allocated. Bursary for primary unlikely, more chance at secondary but the chances of securing one of the precious, sought after bursaries, will be low.

My income has temporarily dropped, (no bursaries available and one of my children has attended the connected school through nursery and prep) and my relative has stepped in, fortunately, to pay.

And as others say, that's a completely normal pick up time and people find childcare and ways to work around it. Your shock at the hours only shows how little you've got to grips with it all, which is fair enough, but no reason to call places awful when you're pretty clueless.

@unhw I take it you have visited all your local state schools to make these judgements? Also, I'd be alarmed by a very calm reception class. Outdoor play and 'roaming around' is really really important in reception.

Can you afford private school on a low salary - no
Can you eat cake all day and be skinny - no
Can you grow a magic beanstalk from non-magic beans - no

It’s just one of those things you can’t do and nobody else can do, sorry

I get it, private schools have much lower ratio of kids to teachers so they get much more attention. Nothing wrong with saying you think it would be better! It might be a bit ott to say 'worried' about them going to state school - I'm sure they'd be fine and probably thrive, there are clear advantages to private. Not all kids from private have extravagant lifestyle's, I think would be a shame not to go for it because of worrying they won't fit in.

Not to mention the state school I work at shuts at 3:25 I doubt private schools will keep your child till 6.

You want your bairn in school from 8am till 6pm?

I’ve had children in both systems.
My older children went to a very good state secondary school and TBH I preferred that. They had friends in the village, they all walked to school together when older, it was all incredibly normal
A job move we couldn’t refuse needed a move to another part of the country so our youngest two went to Private school as it was a seamless 4 to 18. There are pros and cons to both. I hated that their friends always lived at the opposite side of a very large catchment area so lots of travelling for their social life. I liked the way they were hand held through their GCSEs which definitely helped the youngest who may not have had the self discipline required.
The fees are only the start of it. Most of my whole wage was consumed 40 to 50k at the time) and I think it’s even more money now.

I think my advice would be only do this if you can easily afford it.
Academic results were mixed across our six kids regardless of which school they attended. Uni for 3 of them, apprenticeships for the others including the youngest. They’ve all done well in life I think once they’ve found their way.

This has got to be a wind up.

A low-ish salary 😂😂

I went to private school and I can say they make no difference until secondary school unless there is a sport focus or something you want that they offer. Unless you are truly in an awful catchment area, with a school with bad scores, i'd do local for the primary years and save for private/use your extra for after school activities.

Now I'm even more confused. What do the staff have to do with how the children are dressed?

We are average earners I think; son is at private £20k year fees but we have a bursary of 70%.

You need to think about everything else that comes with a private school.

For example; his uniform and everything he needed to start was £800-900.

Then there are trips... etc etc

Be careful tho. Starmer, Raynor and Lammy will deliberately target Independent schools, and parents, by removing their charitable status and start charging VAT on school fees. That will mean not only will fees increase by exactly the same amount but there is no onus on private schools to act as they did before. Understandably, they will act in the sole interest of the school so any sharing of facilities or offering bursaries or additional help to neighbouring state schools will go straight in the bin.

It's all about prejudice and control.

Your salary is not low🙃

OP what do you do for a job?