has anyone managed to pay for private school on a lowish salary? I am so worried about ds going to state school

[unhw]

Me and ex are divorced. DS is 3.5. Ex pays me 700 a month, he never sees DS so obviously that amount would change if he did start to see him.

I have been to some schools near here to look at them because if ds does go to a private school then I would want him to go to the nursery part too, from the word go. At the moment he goes to a nursery near the house which is average at best, despite an outstanding ofstead rating.

The schools are awful. There are so many kids. Barely any smartly dressed. Seems to be no order and organisation. Pick up is 3:20 (?!) so god knows what would happen to my job.

I really really want him to go to private school and the one I’ve seen is around 18k a year for primary. Has anyone done this on a low salary and if so how? Did you move house or downsize etc. I don’t want to do anything extreme but my priority is this and I would do what it takes it there’s a way.

There wouldn't be any fees to pay. 100% bursaries are free places at schools.

But she did state at one point that only her eldest 2 had scholarships, yet her youngest didn't. So those which found it disconcerting were responding to that. But thanks for clarifying what a scholarship is, really needed that MNsplaining 🙄

If you start working in the school there will be a significant reduction in fees

So she needs UC for essential living expenses, but then has a spare 24k plus lying around for school fees and that's ok? Absolute lunacy.

Any way it's redundant because she has clarified that her younger two are on full scholarships, which was very unclear from her initial post.

@Fallingthroughclouds

That poster is no different to anyone else who budgets on what is important to them. Whether you like her choices or not is completely irrelevant and non of your business quite frankly.

I’m not on UC but FWIW I know other single parents at our school who are and between their average salary, child maintenance and UC they make private schooling work for their child. Dd’s are entitled to claim DLA, you can guess where those funds will be going!

Well private schools are charities. But, and I speak as somebody heavily involved in the finance side of things in a private school, I do think there is something quite extraordinary about that poster’s experience. 😂

I don't believe anyone can afford an extra 24k if they need to claim UC. The systems completely screwed if that's the case. That amount of money is more than many peoples annual wage.

Nothing anyone posts on MN is anyones business, but they post it and therefore invite comment. That's exactly what public forums are.

And no I can't guess. No idea what you are insinuating.

I doubt either of us are interested in debating anymore though, we are never going to agree.

I think there's a lot of jealousy involved when discussing these issues! At the end of the day if people can make it work, and they think it's worth it then good for them!?

No they paid for the eldest two, it was the youngest two who had scholarships while she was on UC. If you don’t want stuff explained, then read the posts.

I feel like if you didn’t send him to a private then you would be picking holes in any state school you sent him to.
But like you’ve already said, your financial situation could change any time without warning, so if you suddenly couldn’t work for any reason then your child wouldn’t be able to attend the private anymore. Could your ex contribute towards half the fees or is it all on you?
And it’s not just the fees, it’s the very specific and expensive uniform, it’s the very expensive school trips, it’s the parties you’re expected to throw to keep up with the others and presents you would feel pressured to buy to not feel like “the poor Mum”
I would reconsider the local primaries if you can bring yourself to see any positives in them, and maybe look at additional tutoring if and when you feel it’s necessary.

@FallingthroughcloudsThe entire premise of the thread was could school fees be done on a low income, plenty here have said it could be done with careful budgeting.

People on low incomes are legally entitled to UC. Your opinion on the morality of someone on benefits spending money on school fees really has no bearing. You’ve also been told that someone on UC would likely not even pay school fees in the first place. Yet here you are still arguing whilst tagging me in your response.

I was implying my children’s DLA will go towards their school fees, but I’m sure you’ll have something to say about that too!!

Pot, kettle, black. You keep tagging me too. Why my opinion has no bearing, but yours does is beyond me. We were both discussing this as if they weren't getting a full bursary. If you look back I did comment the chat was redundant, when I realised they were on full scholarship.

Stop trying to railroad people in to your way of thinking. Public forum, we all have a right to our own opinions. We don't agree, you'll just have to learn to live with that.

I'd suggest you dismounted from your high horse carefully, but I reckon you'll be clinging on tightly till your death bed.

@Fallingthroughclouds I’m not the one making judgments about how a stranger chooses to spend their money. That is the difference between your opinion and mine. I shall leave it here.

.......and off she rode into the sunset. I'll miss you.

The notion that you are entitled to be on UC and can still have £24k per year free for private school fees is absolutely ridiculous!

@unhw Only you know the answer to your question. Your child will thrive in any school if you nurture him and focus on his needs. This includes the best school for him at each stage of his life.

I suggest you visit all the local school options, ignoring the school status as you do and see what your gut feeling tells you. I ignored my gut feeling and have long regretted this - and think often of what I could have done with the money… like now be close to retiring!

It’s likely you will only have one state school allocated. Don’t bother looking at those out of catchment. You can’t “want” your child a place. Ignore the puff each school will give you. It’s just that.

At my son’s selective grammar, the children who went to the excellent state primary, with the scruffy polo shirts, are head and shoulders above those who attended my child’s “lovely little prep school with gorgeous uniform.” Academically as well as in confidence.

They also moved up with lots of friends and seem to still be friends. Local friends are very important. My child’s friends lived far and wide to his prep. They then scattered to different catchment grammars.

Interestingly, these same local state school kids, on average, tended to do better in their A levels, results received last week.

We live in a “nice” area, so there is very little difference in family profile at either school. In fact, many of the state school parents seem to be in higher paying jobs. This makes me think they’re more financially astute than me and thought through their children’s educational choices with their heads and not their hearts or social egos.

I will admit, I liked to say that my son went to private school. Possibly as an only parent it made me feel more socially aligned. It didn’t. A single parent is a single parent and there are stigma’s that go with this, still. Prep school parents are often new money and the worst kind of snobs.

I probably entered the school as a pseudo snob, but I was soon put in my place! For me it was a lonely experience. I think for my son too. Many mums in particular, judge who is worthy of being friends with their child by the size of their house and mother!

Name changed, though I've mentioned my situation before under other names.

I don't know the person's situation who is managing to do that, but I have children who have always been privately educated. I've lost a business and going through divorce (dragging on!) at the moment. I'm in debt and considering bankruptcy. Feckless ex DH is not helping. Though I think I have a couple of strong possibilities for work but it's only on starting salaries of around 23k

Anyway, point being that on those wages I may have to apply for universal credit (strongly considering now), but having checked calculators I couldn't manage private school fees even with a part scholarship or bursary. It would need to be full. We'd scarcely manage bills, food and travel and running a car would be questionable.

A relative is paying fees for my younger child now. I have nothing against the state system, but my child has been privately educated since the beginning and has less than two years remaining.

We had similar issues when our two eldest were in years 11 and 12. There was no way we could have moved them to our local state secondary though it might have been possible to move them to another one. Thankfully we had savings and they were able to complete their education.
Our younger 2 are much younger and we are now on universal credit. They both got full bursaries so their education was free. Only one is still at school but if I didn't work as well it would be impossible to run a car on just basic income support.

@namechangeprivateinfo If your DC is just about to start in 6th form wouldn't that be a very good time to move to state? It's often possible to pick up a place in a very good school at that age (eg a good grammar), because there are always lots who want to go to 6th form college. Or maybe the 6th form college still has places? It sounds as though you'll have to pull at least one of them out. Presumably the one who will be least affected in terms of exams.

Older child is doing just that with college/sixth form. Younger child goes into year 10 in September.

Your child will thrive in any school if you nurture him and focus on his needs. This includes the best school for him at each stage of his life.

Says a poster whose kid went to a private/grammar school (not clear which - I guess one of those named grammars that are actually fee paying?)

Year 10 is another good time to move schools, isn't it? The beginning of the GCSE syllabus?

Depends on the school. At my DCs school they start the GCSE syllabus in year 9 - the kids do then drop the subjects they aren't doing for GCSE but they don't generally accept new pupils into y10 as there will be some aspects of the course that don't get looked at again until revision in spring term of y11.

Year 10 is another good time to move schools, isn't it? The beginning of the GCSE syllabus?

We thought it was different for older child as many children move on to pastures new post 16 and don't necessarily go to the connected sixth form for A' levels. They're also happy to do this.

If we moved younger child to year 10 in an unknown state school we think that might be terribly difficult for them to adapt, fit in and make friends in the last two years where they're all in established friendship groups. I just don't want to risk anything in the final two years and they don't want to move. Their place is being paid for, so I'm grateful for that.

It’s a long one sorry but here’s my two pence on the matter.

I was privately educated from reception to y8 at two different schools. I moved to a state school in y9 because we couldn’t afford private for both me and my sister anymore. My sister did private from reception to y11. She went to a local 6th form and dropped out before christmas first year. She sat at home doing nothing for 2 years before finally getting a job at a cinema.

We definitely weren’t high income (hence the dropping out) and it sounds so materialistic but most of my experience of childhood was comparing what we didn’t have to my classmates who had everything. We didn’t have luxuries because all our money went to school so we couldn’t afford anything else. We never went on nice holidays abroad like my classmates. My entire wardrobe consisted of my yearly birthday trip to primark while everyone around me wore barbour jackets and other fancy brands. I couldn’t do all the extra curriculars I wanted because we couldn’t afford it. I was the one kid who didn’t go on the yearly ski trip with all my mates. I was embarrassed to have people over because my tiny box room in our 3 bed semi was nothing compared to my mates who had acres of land with a pool. Like I said, I know it sounds so materialistic, but when you’re young those things matter to you. I didn’t get to experience all the things that even those in state schools had because we just couldn’t afford it on top of school.

In terms of education levels, I honestly wouldn’t even say there was that much difference between state and private. Especially in primary. Not to mention the long days were exhausting. I really do think I’d have received the same grades I did if I would have stayed private. But I went to college, graduated from uni, and have a job in my field of study.

I think it totally depends on how your child views education and if they’ll see all the sacrifices as worth it. If your kid thrives at school and is genuinely grateful for an education then private can be a good thing and they will see the sacrifices as worth it. If they just see school as school then there will probably be resentment for the things they missed out on because their education took priority. Your child is so young that you don’t know how they’ll view it as they get older. If they do thrive at school and want to succeed in education then I’d say go for a private secondary if both you and they think it will be worth it.

This isn’t just me bashing private schools, I’m coming from the perspective of someone who did private school on a lower income and how it affected me.

Like I said, sorry it’s a long one but that’s just my opinion on things.