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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL taking my daughter to lake waterpark

380 replies

YorkshireLucy · 15/08/2023 06:50

So, my DH has taken my children (16 and 13) to visit her for a few days.

I had a message from my 16 year old panicking because grandma has booked a day at a lake doing watersports.

My DD has just had her ears pierced (seconds and tragus so 3 altogether). She was told not to go swimming in the first few weeks and to be careful for a couple of months after that. It is less than two weeks since she had them done. She should especially avoid open water.

Now, grandma has told her she WILL go and she WILL enjoy herself because she's paid over £90 for this.

I'm fuming. She never mentioned this and never asked them to pack swimwear. She's told them to put an old T-shirt and pants on under a wetsuit? They only have nice new clothes with them that will get ruined!

For context my MIL has form for this. She's quite controlling and a bit of a bully. Constantly makes my children feel like crap. She's passive aggressive with me which is why I personally refuse to see her now. But hubby insisted on this trip.

I get she's paid for a fun activity but has completely disregarded my daughters feelings and worries about this. What if her ears get caught on a helmet or worse get infected?

As for my husband, I'll be speaking to him before they go. Can't believe he's not stuck up for her or said anything (well I can, but that's another story). He knows she shouldn't be getting her piercings wet through swimming/activities like this.

AIBU to not want to let them go?

OP posts:
Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 15/08/2023 06:54

Tell DD to tell her dad she has her period and can’t swim.

DustyLee123 · 15/08/2023 06:54

Neither of them should have to go anywhere at their ages.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 15/08/2023 06:55

Also tell DD to just refuse. They can’t force her.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 15/08/2023 06:57

Another idea is to tell the operator she can’t swim. They probably won’t let her do any water sport.

UghStopSnoring · 15/08/2023 06:57

Of course they should not go if they don’t want to. And your daughter has a medical reason not to go.

If my daughter called me in a panic and I agreed with her, I would have her back.

The swim clothes are irrelevant in my eyes. There are other issues here.

I hate that they are stuck with a controlling bully and your husband needs to support his girls on this.

jays · 15/08/2023 06:59

Don’t get your daughter to lie or make excuses up to her dad, that’s encouraging unhealthy and unnecessary behaviour. Tell mail that daughter will not be going swimming as she is not to get her piercings wet! It’s that simple. If there is a single repercussion for your daughter, remove her from your mil. That’s not acceptable behaviour from mil. Your daughter doesn’t want to take part in an activity for good reason. End of discussion.

panko · 15/08/2023 07:01

Why isnt DH intervening? Was there emotional abuse when he was a child?

ChubbyMorticia · 15/08/2023 07:03

I’d offer to pick my kids up if your DH refuses to handle it. No way would I allow them to put their health at risk because Grandma wants what she wants

Busubaba · 15/08/2023 07:06

She's 16. She can refuse to go in the water. They can't drag her in.

panko · 15/08/2023 07:07

At 16 does she feel able to pack her bag and leave and you pick her up?

RedHelenB · 15/08/2023 07:10

If she's old enough for those piercings she's old enough to say she can't go to her gran. However, I think it's mountain molehill territory and she'd be fine doing it, it's just you looking to moan about MIL.

MushMonster · 15/08/2023 07:12

Your DH and your daughter must tell grandma, once more, that she cannot go into the water. That they are sorry to miss on the opportunity, just unfortunatelly the time is wrong, as she did not know this was booked and she cannot un-pierce her ears now. Try to get a refund.
If she does not listen, then they pack up and come back.
He is her father! Surely he can take care of this!

Justcallmebebes · 15/08/2023 07:12

Well most kids would be thrilled with a trip to a water park and swimming 2 weeks after piercings should be fine.

I think you're being very unreasonable and if I'd forked out £90 I'd want them to go in too

0021andabit · 15/08/2023 07:17

I think your MIL should have checked. Your DD shouldn’t have to do it if she doesn’t want to, &
you ‘ your DH should support her.

Pottyberry · 15/08/2023 07:18

Swimming round a lake with safety gear on? No wonder she doesn't want to go.

Mil surely should ask the kids what they want to do before booking stuff, and paying out for it.

DH needs to speak up.

MushMonster · 15/08/2023 07:19

I would not risk an infection in this case.
Surely she would have loved it if she had not just pierced her ears. It takes up to 8 weeks to heal.
Also, look at the news about UK water bodies, discharges and number of people getting sick after swimming. Sadly it has become often enough that we need to take it into account.

nevynevster · 15/08/2023 07:19

MIL does seem to have done a nice thing, I'd be delighted if my mum organised something like this for my teens. I had no idea about piercing restrictions and tbh I bet years ago it wasn't the same restrictions so YANBU as MIL couldn't have known.
What is the actual risk here? It has been two weeks so assume they are healed and fine. She can disinfect them and clean afterwards and maybe wear a swimming cap over them for the helmet risk you've outlined. NHS site says 24 hrs by the way not weeks so I think the risk is overstated. https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/lifestyle/can-i-go-swimming-after-a-piercing/#:~:text=You%20should%20avoid%20swimming%20for,there's%20a%20risk%20of%20infection.
If they are not healed and/or she doesn't want to go at all then I think at 16 she needs to tell her gran.

nhs.uk

Can I go swimming after a piercing?

Find out whether you can go swimming after getting a body piercing, plus how long your piercing may take to heal and how to look after it and avoid infection.

https://www.nhs.uk/common-health-questions/lifestyle/can-i-go-swimming-after-a-piercing#:~:text=You%20should%20avoid%20swimming%20for,there's%20a%20risk%20of%20infection.

WandaWonder · 15/08/2023 07:21

She doesn't have to go but I think using ear piercing as an excuse is odd, at 16 she can her herself say she doesn't want to go

PuttingDownRoots · 15/08/2023 07:21

Its a fun activity that some children like.
Others don't. You can't force someone to do something they don't like!

£90? I presume that's the price for all the family, not just the 16yo.

Kweeky · 15/08/2023 07:23

Give DGM the 90 quid and say no.

gogomoto · 15/08/2023 07:24

The piercings will be find as long as she washes carefully and puts antiseptic on afterwards. Can't she borrow an old t shirt? Anyway water sports isn't swimming, not all mean getting wet - I dinghy sail and only my legs get feet launching

Jessbow · 15/08/2023 07:28

Presumably the children have an interest in water sports- seems a random choice if they dont.

Pants and a T shirt dont ruin for getting wet, and depending on the sport, I doubt they wil get submerged completely . Why would her ears get caught on a helmet, or get infected? Once she's out, she can clean them, 2 weeks post piercing they should have healed up anyway.

Find out what they will actually be doing- surely you can look at the place they are going- and see what they will be doing, .

Fraaahnces · 15/08/2023 07:29

Go and collect the kids. Problem solved.

PebblyPig · 15/08/2023 07:32

When we've been to those inflatable waterparks they make you remove all your jewellery or you can't go in. So presumably she can't do that anyway?

saraclara · 15/08/2023 07:35

Two weeks is fine for something like this, with reasonable care. You're over dramatising piercing in order to find a reason to be annoyed with MIL.

Did she not discuss the treat with the DDs? Is it something that she'd expect them to like, in that they normally like sporty stuff/swimming ? Did she ask the dad if they'd like it?

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