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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL taking my daughter to lake waterpark

380 replies

YorkshireLucy · 15/08/2023 06:50

So, my DH has taken my children (16 and 13) to visit her for a few days.

I had a message from my 16 year old panicking because grandma has booked a day at a lake doing watersports.

My DD has just had her ears pierced (seconds and tragus so 3 altogether). She was told not to go swimming in the first few weeks and to be careful for a couple of months after that. It is less than two weeks since she had them done. She should especially avoid open water.

Now, grandma has told her she WILL go and she WILL enjoy herself because she's paid over £90 for this.

I'm fuming. She never mentioned this and never asked them to pack swimwear. She's told them to put an old T-shirt and pants on under a wetsuit? They only have nice new clothes with them that will get ruined!

For context my MIL has form for this. She's quite controlling and a bit of a bully. Constantly makes my children feel like crap. She's passive aggressive with me which is why I personally refuse to see her now. But hubby insisted on this trip.

I get she's paid for a fun activity but has completely disregarded my daughters feelings and worries about this. What if her ears get caught on a helmet or worse get infected?

As for my husband, I'll be speaking to him before they go. Can't believe he's not stuck up for her or said anything (well I can, but that's another story). He knows she shouldn't be getting her piercings wet through swimming/activities like this.

AIBU to not want to let them go?

OP posts:
TattiePants · 20/08/2023 16:09

BoogieBoogieWoogie · 20/08/2023 15:14

I’m sure someone else will have posted this to @Grammarnut but just in case
https://www.bbc.com/news/uk-england-tyne-66421422

@BoogieBoogieWoogie that’s not a great example to use. it’s since been ruled that the triathletes had norovirus contracted whilst staying at a local hotel (that hasn’t been named). Non of the locals who regularly swim between the piers and non of the hundreds of locals who took part were ill. There were even non-local triathletes staying in hotels who pulled out due to sickness that didn’t even get in the water.

WellPlaced · 20/08/2023 16:10

Poor MiL

Teateaandmoretea · 20/08/2023 16:17

Mugaloaf · 20/08/2023 10:54

It says wait until the piercing has healed...

Can I go swimming after a piercing?

You should avoid swimming for at least 24 hours after having a piercing, and ideally until it has healed properly. While it's still healing, it's important to keep the piercing dry as there's a risk of infection.

How long will it take to heal?

A new body piercing may be red and tender for a few weeks. The healing time for a body piercing can vary depending on which part of your body is pierced and how well you look after it.

As a general guide, healing times for the most common body piercings can be:

ear lobe – 6 to 8 weeks
top of the ear – 6 to 8 weeks
belly button (navel) – 6 months to 1 year
nose – up to 6 months
tongue – 2 to 4 weeks
Swimming

It's possible to pick up an infection from any body of water, so while your piercing heals you should avoid swimming in:

swimming pools
streams, lakes and rivers
the sea

You should also avoid using hot tubs.

Show quote history

No, it says avoid swimming for 24 hours. No idea about the Tragus thing maybe that makes a difference but with normal ear piercing swimmers just crack on. My girls both swam the next day, no problems. Ideally people should do exercise and activity. It’s this kind of overzealous crap that puts teen girls off sport.

The Triathlon sickness quoting - don’t see the relevance, people swim open water every day with no problem. It’s a stomach bug. Kids catch them in schools too.

BoogieBoogieWoogie · 20/08/2023 16:24

TattiePants · 20/08/2023 16:09

@BoogieBoogieWoogie that’s not a great example to use. it’s since been ruled that the triathletes had norovirus contracted whilst staying at a local hotel (that hasn’t been named). Non of the locals who regularly swim between the piers and non of the hundreds of locals who took part were ill. There were even non-local triathletes staying in hotels who pulled out due to sickness that didn’t even get in the water.

Show quote history

Fair enough 👍🏼I had a swimmer in regionals competition moved from that water to south Yorks and we were told it was due to the water up there

Runnerinthenight · 20/08/2023 16:26

AlfietheSchnauzer · 20/08/2023 10:21

YABVVVVVU for allowing a child to get such ridiculous piercings

YABVVVVVU sticking your beak in to make this totally irrelevant comment!!

Runnerinthenight · 20/08/2023 16:27

Teateaandmoretea · 20/08/2023 16:17

No, it says avoid swimming for 24 hours. No idea about the Tragus thing maybe that makes a difference but with normal ear piercing swimmers just crack on. My girls both swam the next day, no problems. Ideally people should do exercise and activity. It’s this kind of overzealous crap that puts teen girls off sport.

The Triathlon sickness quoting - don’t see the relevance, people swim open water every day with no problem. It’s a stomach bug. Kids catch them in schools too.

Show quote history

Other forms of activity are available, you know...

Runnerinthenight · 20/08/2023 16:28

WellPlaced · 20/08/2023 16:10

Poor MiL

You haven't read the thread, I see...🙄

Sage71 · 20/08/2023 16:30

I would phone the water park give the names date they are due to come and advise that my DD has piercings and been told she cannot swim for two weeks, as I have now notified them if they allow her to take part in water activities and gets an infection I will sue them for negligence. That should do the trick.

Teateaandmoretea · 20/08/2023 16:37

Runnerinthenight · 20/08/2023 16:27

Other forms of activity are available, you know...

Show quote history

Many of which also make a song and dance about piercings and that there are also minuscule risks of doing with piercings.

In terms of the thread the girl shouldn’t be forced to go to a water park if she doesn’t want to go.

But swimming after normal piercings is absolutely fine.

WellPlaced · 20/08/2023 16:39

Runnerinthenight · 20/08/2023 16:28

You haven't read the thread, I see...🙄

Show quote history

I have and my comment stands.

Boredandbitter · 20/08/2023 16:45

Gran is a bully. Go get your daughters.

Pottyberry · 20/08/2023 18:01

So to summarise- mil pays out cash for an activity no one requested or wants to do.

No one wants to it, mil bitches about it.

"Poor mil"

deets · 20/08/2023 18:19

This reminds me a bit about my Dad. He was in a lot of ways a very good and caring parent. Also this was in the 1950s/60s plus my parents were brought up by Victorians and still had a Victorian out look. He was very into sports whereas I wasn't and didn't like them as well as not being very good at them. When we went onto the beach, he always brought cricket bat and ball. If I protested that I didn't want to play, I was told that I was being misrable and spoiling it for every one. As soon as I was 16, and saw the cricket things come out, I refused to go with them. Finally, they accepted that.

Imisssleep2 · 20/08/2023 18:33

I would be going to pick my kid up if that me tbh, you mil sounds horrible and shouldn't be making your daughter do something she doesn't want to, sod the repercussions deal with that after

Vintagezombiebookworm · 20/08/2023 18:39

Um last time I checked northern Ireland wa apart of the UK, and is NOT Ireland. No wonder your mother in law has an issue if you say things like that

ChrisPPancake · 20/08/2023 18:46

How on earth will clothes get 'ruined' wearing them under a wetsuit? You are I assume aware that clothes get wet in the washing machine?! Or do you not wash them lest they dissolve?

Souleater · 20/08/2023 18:50

YANBU
there's a bunch of terrible people on here who think it's fine to bully children, though.
Where I live, there was recently an issue with flesh-eating bacteria, so I would absolutely not allow my child to go in open water with freshly pierced ears even if they wanted to go. Two weeks is absolutely not healed yet. Earlobes are 6-8 weeks and tragus is 8+ weeks.

UghStopSnoring · 20/08/2023 18:56

Nanny0gg · 20/08/2023 11:34

OFFS

Spare us the 'she won't be around forever' malarky

So what? Doesn't mean she can do what she likes when others (the DD in question for a start) don't want to do what she's planned

Show quote history

Yes, I switch off with an internal eye-roll when people spout that cliche as a way of excusing poor behaviour.

Anniegetyourgun · 20/08/2023 19:19

Pottyberry · 20/08/2023 18:01

So to summarise- mil pays out cash for an activity no one requested or wants to do.

No one wants to it, mil bitches about it.

"Poor mil"

You could also have pointed out that they did in fact do the activity! DD was worried about swimming so they did canoeing instead. So MIL's booking wasn't even wasted as it deserved to be . Her son and granddaughters have come to visit, she booked an activity, they were a bit worried about it but have found a way around the problem. That's only "poor MIL" if she WANTED them to have a problem. (Are we convinced she didn't?)

Being as she clearly despises the DIL (leaving her name off Christmas cards, wtf?), I'm sure she neither misses her or cares what's being said on a thread she'll never read. So still wondering why MIL is supposed to be suffering here.

stichguru · 20/08/2023 23:38

. As for the clothing, they will only have to wear pants under the wetsuit, so that won't be a problem. As for the piercings, cover them with water proof plasters. Practical problems solved. However your daughters have every right to say no if they really don't want to do the activities. To spend the money is kind, but not to ask the kids what they would like is stupid or weirdly controlling, or both

monsteramunch · 20/08/2023 23:43

As for the piercings, cover them with water proof plasters. Practical problems solved.

This isn't true though, as explained by a number of posters throughout the thread. Plasters aren't enough to reduce the risk of infection possible in the water of a lake, not the extent it's worth risking it. Especially a tragus piercing.

Regardless, OP's daughter did go in the end, with a compromise not to swim.

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 21/08/2023 01:11

greyhairnomore · 20/08/2023 12:50

Lie ?

Show quote history

🙄

BalancingTree · 21/08/2023 03:32

At 16 she can decide for herself, what’s grandma going to do, headlock her and put her in the car????

I do think using the piercing thing is a bit unreasonable, the risk of infection is pretty low and seems a bit of an excuse. Also clothes getting ruined by getting wet??? That’s a bit weird too. Seems like the issue is grandma being bossy, there’s no need to hide behind lame reasons! Just state your point of view to grandma and let your young adult stand up for themselves, at 16 I’d be worried if she’s having trouble advocating for her needs and wants

Victoriwa · 21/08/2023 10:47

How does your 13 YO feel about it all? If she is free and breezy about it all, how about she and Grandma do the local lakes, whilst 16 YO does her own thing? Insofar as your 16 YO is concerned, then heck no - if she doesn't feel comfortable / doesn't want to (for whatever reason), then she absolutely has every right to refrain, and you are being an exemplary parent in supporting her...

Bikesandbees · 21/08/2023 12:03

Justcallmebebes · 15/08/2023 07:12

Well most kids would be thrilled with a trip to a water park and swimming 2 weeks after piercings should be fine.

I think you're being very unreasonable and if I'd forked out £90 I'd want them to go in too

Nope. Just nope. If you fork out £90
for tickets without checking first if the kids actually want to do the activity, then it’s on you if they don’t want to do it. Ask them first. Or at least ask the parents if it’s something they’re likely to enjoy. You can’t force someone to do an activity just because you pre-booked the tickets.