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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

MIL taking my daughter to lake waterpark

380 replies

YorkshireLucy · 15/08/2023 06:50

So, my DH has taken my children (16 and 13) to visit her for a few days.

I had a message from my 16 year old panicking because grandma has booked a day at a lake doing watersports.

My DD has just had her ears pierced (seconds and tragus so 3 altogether). She was told not to go swimming in the first few weeks and to be careful for a couple of months after that. It is less than two weeks since she had them done. She should especially avoid open water.

Now, grandma has told her she WILL go and she WILL enjoy herself because she's paid over £90 for this.

I'm fuming. She never mentioned this and never asked them to pack swimwear. She's told them to put an old T-shirt and pants on under a wetsuit? They only have nice new clothes with them that will get ruined!

For context my MIL has form for this. She's quite controlling and a bit of a bully. Constantly makes my children feel like crap. She's passive aggressive with me which is why I personally refuse to see her now. But hubby insisted on this trip.

I get she's paid for a fun activity but has completely disregarded my daughters feelings and worries about this. What if her ears get caught on a helmet or worse get infected?

As for my husband, I'll be speaking to him before they go. Can't believe he's not stuck up for her or said anything (well I can, but that's another story). He knows she shouldn't be getting her piercings wet through swimming/activities like this.

AIBU to not want to let them go?

OP posts:
crew2022 · 15/08/2023 07:36

Of course it's MIL fault for trying to something nice! At least she bothered with an activity that is age appropriate
Clothes under a wet suit won't be ruined!
Your daughter is 16 so should explain it herself

WonderingWanda · 15/08/2023 07:37

I doubt there's any massive risk from wearing the earrings but That's irrelevant if she doesn't want to do the activity. Just transfer the money to mil and tell her they don't want to do it and she should check first before booking, next time you won't be refunding her.

Womencanlift · 15/08/2023 07:48

What an over reaction. Their clothes will not get ruined. Do you honestly think people who regularly do water sports buy new clothes after every trip into the water?

But of course it’s a MIL bashing thread so of course you will react like this

jays · 15/08/2023 07:49

Justcallmebebes · 15/08/2023 07:12

Well most kids would be thrilled with a trip to a water park and swimming 2 weeks after piercings should be fine.

I think you're being very unreasonable and if I'd forked out £90 I'd want them to go in too

Do what if most kids would be? If most kids jumped off a cliff? OP’s daughter doesn’t want to go. That’s allowed. And as per the piercing technician’s advise (as opposed to your thoughts) she’s been advised to abstain.

Original poster
YorkshireLucy · 15/08/2023 07:50

That's exactly what my mum said to say!

OP posts:
Original poster
YorkshireLucy · 15/08/2023 07:52

Somewhereovertherainbowweighapie · 15/08/2023 06:54

Tell DD to tell her dad she has her period and can’t swim.

That's what my mum said to say!

OP posts:
Giantpig · 15/08/2023 07:54

You need to call mil and say she won’t be going swimming. If she is a dick about it go and get your daughter.

OnlineExxxcitement · 15/08/2023 07:54

So does your DD not want to do the watersports???? Or is is just the piercing??

Kanelsnegl · 15/08/2023 07:54

Piercings absolutely will not be healed after 2 weeks and if it's an outdoor waterpark (is it a lake or a pool?) They can definitely get infected from it.
I know some people think they will be fine and maybe they will but the chance is that they won't and I don't think it's fair that she would have to risk that if she's not comfortable with it just because her grandma booked something without checking with her first.
Lots of antiseptic products can also make piercings worse and irritate them further as they're too harsh.

Also saying she will go and will have fun because she's paid x money is honestly ridiculous to a small child let alone a teenager.
Right recipe for fun that 🙄

Original poster
YorkshireLucy · 15/08/2023 07:55

UghStopSnoring · 15/08/2023 06:57

Of course they should not go if they don’t want to. And your daughter has a medical reason not to go.

If my daughter called me in a panic and I agreed with her, I would have her back.

The swim clothes are irrelevant in my eyes. There are other issues here.

I hate that they are stuck with a controlling bully and your husband needs to support his girls on this.

Exactly this. I told him before going he needs to stick up for his girls so they know he has their back. She has upset them by saying things like "didn't know we were wearing pyjamas today" when DD put on some flowery jeans. That's only a snippet but she really doesn't engage brain with mouth before spitting out nasty comments.

OP posts:
BlossomCloud · 15/08/2023 07:56

I'd rather my children were having fun doing watersports in the summer than worrying about piercings and clothes, but I guess it's too late for that now.

So I'm sort of on the fence as I think the activity sounds amazing and I feel sorry for your MIL too

towriteyoumustlive · 15/08/2023 07:57

The piercings will be fine but I'd be telling the MIL that the kids need to be bought swimming costumes and not ruining their clothes.

Water sports whilst wearing a tshirt that absorbs water isn't nice!

Once she has finished the watersports she can then use a saline spray to clean the piercings.

I had a nose piercing done and have been doing water sports. It's been fine but I did use the saline spray each time.

Brefugee · 15/08/2023 07:58

i really don't think your DD needs to lie. The clear problem is the recent piercings. She can't go, it's a pity MIL hadn't given a heads up, but she's sorry she can't risk infection.

The clothes are a non-issue.

Your DH should be backing your DD up. But bottom line? what are they going to do, physically force her into a wetsuit? drag her into the water? if they make things uncomfortable, arrange for her to come home immediately.

Original poster
YorkshireLucy · 15/08/2023 08:00

panko · 15/08/2023 07:01

Why isnt DH intervening? Was there emotional abuse when he was a child?

She was an alcoholic fir a period of time. Brought up by just his mother. She's generally just a nasty person who uses emotional blackmail. I think he sees this but chooses to ignore it because he feels like he 'owes her' or something.
I refuse to see her now. She just makes me and my girls feel rubbish when we see her.
I've told DH that this will be the last trip out for them to visit her (she lives in Ireland, we're UK). She can come here to see them then it's going to be their choice, same as I choose not to engage with her.

OP posts:
Original poster
YorkshireLucy · 15/08/2023 08:02

ChubbyMorticia · 15/08/2023 07:03

I’d offer to pick my kids up if your DH refuses to handle it. No way would I allow them to put their health at risk because Grandma wants what she wants

Unfortunately I can't. They've gone to Ireland and I am currently at home in the UK. If they was in the UK I absolutely would have.

OP posts:
Original poster
YorkshireLucy · 15/08/2023 08:03

PebblyPig · 15/08/2023 07:32

When we've been to those inflatable waterparks they make you remove all your jewellery or you can't go in. So presumably she can't do that anyway?

That's what I've said but they are still going. Hopefully they will be told there, then the problem will be solved.

OP posts:
LookItsMeAgain · 15/08/2023 08:04

Go bring them home. If your DH wants to have a relationship with his own mother, then let him.

There is absolutely no rule in the world that says that grandchildren have to have a relationship with the parents of their parents. None at all. If your Dh's mother is a bully, then remove your children (irrespective of their ages) from her company.

cpphelp · 15/08/2023 08:04

Can you work out which lake water park it is and ring them and explain about your daughters piercings? Then the water park may decline your daughter doing it anyway

Olika · 15/08/2023 08:06

If your DH refuses to step up and you cannot influence MIL then get them home yourself? I don't know what it is with some grandparents with them being so OTT.

Original poster
YorkshireLucy · 15/08/2023 08:06

towriteyoumustlive · 15/08/2023 07:57

The piercings will be fine but I'd be telling the MIL that the kids need to be bought swimming costumes and not ruining their clothes.

Water sports whilst wearing a tshirt that absorbs water isn't nice!

Once she has finished the watersports she can then use a saline spray to clean the piercings.

I had a nose piercing done and have been doing water sports. It's been fine but I did use the saline spray each time.

She has some spray. Thank you, that's reassuring.

OP posts:
VeryMad · 15/08/2023 08:08

My daughter is on her second bout of antibiotics after an infection - she went to new york with school after 4-5 weeks of her second piercings and I suspect fell behind in cleaning properly for the flight over etc. Open water two weeks in - no way.

PlanningTowns · 15/08/2023 08:08

I can’t believe the people on here who are saying it’s fine. I assume they haven’t had piercings and therefor have no clue of how long they take to heal.

swimming in open water will gove a high risk of infection. Whilst (for some) the day sounds wonderful (would be my worst nightmare), that cannot top trump the health implications of the piercings.

im not suggesting there is where your kids are but there has been a lot of blue green algae this year, even over in Ireland. Whilst areas of water may be open for swimming etc that doesn’t mean the algae isn’t present (just below agreed levels).

it would be a hard no and she can’t force her to do it.

Please don’t use the period excuse though, I thought we have got beyond that?

VeryMad · 15/08/2023 08:08

I would say - get her to speak to waterpark they might agree to transfer into vouchers.

LookItsMeAgain · 15/08/2023 08:10

Also, I'd tell the 16 yr old to say to granny "Granny, neither Dsis or I am going to the waterpark today. We don't want to. If you're going to go on about it, here is the £90 you claim to have spent on the tickets. I don't want this to be an issue between us but we're not going, you can not make us go. We're happy to spend our time here, with you in your home, but we're not going to the waterpark"

Would that work?

Prescottdanni123 · 15/08/2023 08:11

Do your kids want a relationship with their grandmother if she bullies them?

Is your DH there with them or did he just drop them off?

I would call the kids and ask if they were happy or if they wanted to come home. If they wanted to come home, I'd go and get them and just give MIL £90 for the water sports.