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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Do I need to calm down? Man peeing in the car park

132 replies

BogStandardBogWee · 14/08/2023 20:09

So a bit of a weird one - meant in a lighthearted tone but also.. am I being a bit irrational

today I came out of the gym and when I got to the car park there was a man who had also been in the gym peeing in a bush in front of my car. As I came up to my car I could see that it was kind of running back towards my car 🤢 the conversation went:

me: uh, excuse me!? that’s disgusting

him: oh sorry! You caught me out haha

me: seriously though you couldn’t have used the gym toilet before you left?

it then escalated with him being arsey in an “alright luv calm down” sort of way, which became very patronising and included a lot of swearing

Because he was pissing me off I told him I’d decided to report him to the gym for his language/behaviour. I said it mainly just to annoy him more tbh

I haven’t done this. I probably won’t. I wouldn’t usually have the gumption to get into an argument.

I should let it go right? I don’t know why but I am still annoyed about it 😂

OP posts:
Thread gallery
5
EAP · 14/08/2023 22:34

@HowardKirksConscience yoi need to calm down. MN is for debates/contrasting opinions.

Copperoliverbear · 14/08/2023 22:37

Report him disgusting behaviour.
I caught a man up my wall, looked over the patio and told him off, he was rude, threw a bucket of water over him.

HennyPenny1234 · 14/08/2023 22:56

When somebody starts a post by saying it's lighthearted I know it's anything but

This has annoyed you so much that you've made a post about it

Gothambutnotahamster · 14/08/2023 23:10

Newusernameaug · 14/08/2023 20:11

Imagine his face if you just squated there and urinated 😆

Id report him, will teach him a lesson!

This - it's absolutely grim plus no decent man gets his penis out in public for no good reason (which this guy didn't given he could have used the gym toilets).

Remagirl · 14/08/2023 23:14

@OnTheBoardwalk it wasn't on the persons drive. It's swear btw.

Wincher · 14/08/2023 23:18

I was waiting for the tube at Victoria today and a man had a piss in the corner of the platform right by where I was - gross. I was in New York not long ago and everywhere on the subway stank of wee, I am so glad the Underground doesn't usually.

HelloSquire · 15/08/2023 07:37

CaroleSinger · 14/08/2023 21:49

Out to shock? Tucked away behind a bush in an area he didn't think anyone would see? Uhm...ok...

Show quote history

He clearly wasn't 'tucked away' or @BogStandardBogWee wouldn't have seen him
Stop minimising it , it's scuzzy behaviour when a loo is available

msbevvy · 15/08/2023 07:46

I look out of my window and see this happen on a regular basis in our busy street, especially near the phone boxes.

I am a very shy person but it annoys me so much that I I turn into a right loudmouth and shout out and draw attention to them in the hope that it might make them think twice about doing it another time.

BewareTheBeardedDragon · 15/08/2023 07:57

OP - please ignore the few posters who think you should treat this man like a 5 year old and 'give him a break'. He is an adult who couldn't be arsed to walk back into the gym. It's gross and he shouldn't do it, let alone shout and swear at you for having the audacity to object. You are right to object. Please report him.

Nitgel · 15/08/2023 08:01

There are street urinals overcentral London and men openly use these during the day, I find it really awful. Treat people like animals...

90yomakeuproom · 15/08/2023 08:05

I agree it's disgusting, but what hasn't been discussed is what people expect the gym to do about it? I'm not sure what they can do. Yes, he's a customer of theirs, but he did this outside of the gym (was it the gym car park or private?)

InWalksBarberalla · 15/08/2023 08:07

Urine isn't sterile, and it stinks. I think it is disgusting that some mean think the world is their toilet.

leonde · 15/08/2023 08:10

Good on you for confronting him - might make him think about it next time. I don't think you overreacted at all. More people should call out this kind of antisocial behaviour and be shocked by it. We shouldn't accept it.

kirinm · 15/08/2023 08:10

We live in London and get this all the time and it is gross. And it is always men.

Janieforever · 15/08/2023 08:10

I don’t really get the whole “I’m going to tell on you” thing. What exactly do you think the gym will do other than roll their eyes when you walk away. They are not his parents. He is not a child. The staff you will report to will earn sod all. They are not going to be pulling some customer up for taking a piss outside.

i agree it’s disgusting, and fair play to you for telling him so, but we part ways at the whole I’m telling mum thing.

MeridianB · 15/08/2023 08:18

Bemusing to see so many people rushing to defend this twat.

"You don't need to 'tell' on him"
"The gym staff don't earn enough for you to report this"
"Give him a break"
"You shouldn't have nagged him"
"Maybe he has a medical condition"

Presumably you'd all be happy for men to be pissing anywhere they want at any time?

loislovesstewie · 15/08/2023 08:25

Why is it always men who feel that urinating in public is OK? Just because they don't squat, it's OK?
It really is vile that he couldn't use the facilities in the gym, I get the feeling that he wants to flash but hasn't quite worked up, or down , to it.

hygieneversustheplanet · 15/08/2023 08:31

Janieforever · 15/08/2023 08:10

I don’t really get the whole “I’m going to tell on you” thing. What exactly do you think the gym will do other than roll their eyes when you walk away. They are not his parents. He is not a child. The staff you will report to will earn sod all. They are not going to be pulling some customer up for taking a piss outside.

i agree it’s disgusting, and fair play to you for telling him so, but we part ways at the whole I’m telling mum thing.

Quite!

There is a thread on here about people openly walking into shops (Tesco particularly) and taking stuff. The staff know it's happening and are powerless to stop them. Even the police won't get involved!

So I wouldn't hold out much hope here for redress...

mynewname25 · 15/08/2023 08:34

It's disgusting and he shouldn't have done it but what exactly are the gym staff going to do about it?

She doesn't know his name so how can she report him? The staff are hardly going to trawl through their CCTV to identify him based off the OPs description and then what? Tell him off? Cancel his subscription?

Same with 'logging it with 101' I actually laughed out loud at this comment. Yeah the police are going to come out to the gym, check the CCTV and spend hours trying to ID a man who pissed in a hedge!

hygieneversustheplanet · 15/08/2023 08:38

Yeah the police are going to come out to the gym, check the CCTV and spend hours trying to ID a man who pissed in a hedge!

😆

IhaveanewTVnow · 15/08/2023 08:41

Men are disgusting and we keep allowing it in each generation. Parents are as bad teaching their boys that they can pee anywhere. Hands are not washed either. Just grim.

Last week I drove into a motorway service station on the M25 and a bloke had stopped on the road into the car park to have a wee. Two more minutes and he would have had a full set of clean toilets, hand washing facilities etc.

report him to the gym.

Original poster
BogStandardBogWee · 15/08/2023 08:41

So IF I was going to report him it would be for swearing/having a go at another member of the gym - not for the urinating alone.
He is nearly always there when I go and has some quite distinctive features so there are a few things which I’m sure they could easily identify him by…

but that’s by the by. I’ve already said I’m not going to report him. It was an empty threat I threw at him to piss him off because I took badly to the way he was speaking to me

looking at it this morning I am just laughing at the bizarre nature of taking a car park wee when the gym is 200m away.

As for calling 101… can you imagine 😂I’d be worried about being arrested for wasting their time

OP posts:
Original poster
BogStandardBogWee · 15/08/2023 08:43

I have a primary age son and there is no way I would let him pee in the car park (at all) or anywhere outside when the loos are that close

as it goes the gym also has a soft play which we often go to - imagine if I were heading back to the car with him!

OP posts:
LadyGrinningSoul85 · 15/08/2023 08:49

BiscuitsandPuffin · 14/08/2023 20:14

I think you were unreasonable to keep going on at him after your first comment. He clearly got the point and tried to style it out. He probably would have taken on board not to do it again if you'd left it at that, but as it is, you've come across as argumentative so he'll probably just dismiss the whole thing as "some angry woman" and do it again somewhere else another day.

Exactly this.

You'd already embarrassed him, hence the "whoops!" style reply to your first comment.
If you'd left it there he probably would have been a bit more cautious about doing it again in the future and that would have been that.

However, you decided you weren't done and wanted to continue the argument, for no apparent good reason.
This escalated the reaction.
This is on you. Don't start the arguments and insist on continuing them if you don't want them to potentially escalate.

Maybe work on not being so argumentative and let it go?

I also resent all the "Men are disgusting/vile" comments.
If you wouldn't accept that sort of sweeping generalisation about women, then don't make them about men. So much hypocrisy/double standards on Mumsnet 🙄

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