DH banging on ceiling

[anxiousatnight]

I'm a SAHM to children aged 6 and 4. I do the vast majority with the kids. DH works fairly hard in a professional role, but office hours. He doesn't get up until 8 on a weekday and has a lie in until 8:30/9:00 every weekend.

I have done all of the night wakings and can probably count the number of times DH has got up with them in the mornings on my fingers. Kids are early risers.

None of this bothers me, I'm an early bird too and don't mind too much.

However, this morning they've woken up especially early (4:20!) and have been ratty and naughty for the past two hours. It's been a bit noisy downstairs and I've raised my voice a few times.

DH has banged on the floor of the our bedroom (ceiling of sitting room where we are), obviously telling us to keep the noise down.

AIBU to feel really irritated by this? It just feels like he has no sympathy for the fact that I've had to deal with this shit since the early hours and all that's important is his precious sleep. Most mornings are fairly smooth, this one is an exception.

I'd be inclined to let them go find daddy!! I've been awake since 5ish with mine, tried not to wake DH but if he woke he'd offer to swap out with me so I can get an hour before he goes to work.

Yes he’s being a twat but also they’re 6&4. Why are you letting them get up at 4:20, assuming NT? Tell them to read in bed or go back to sleep. I get it with toddlers but by school age they’re old enough to understand it’s too early to get up.

Take the kids outside and away for another hour and then make DDaddy a cup of tea.
Leave the kids with toast on his bed and go out for a lovely morning coffee alone. You deserve it.

That is a staggering level of disrespect. Like you’re the maid. What an utter wanker.

This really.

Is there a reason they can't quietly play in their rooms? If no, I don't think I'd be going downstairs with them at that time.

He is a dick though.

This. I can’t believe what I just read. It’s the most blatantly disrespectful thing I’ve read on here in a long time.

OP, you are severely under reacting.

He’s a shit! If you don’t have neighbours, I’d put some music on.

Whats the point of him? Don’t put up with it.

Wtf. How dare he bang on the ceiling like a petulant neighbour??

Why has he opted out of family life for so long? Why the hell has he done so few night wakings? How on earth have you both accepted this imbalance?

I don’t care that he works. At weekends at least the lie ins and wakings should have been equal from day one.

It blows my mind that families function like this. It’s so damn unfair.

You should be furious about him banging the ceiling. But I worry that’s it’s all too late and you have an unequal setup that will never change.

Have an afternoon nap if you can.

Yes you're quite right and that's usually what I do. They've got gro clocks and generally do stick to the wake up time. This particular morning has been a bit of a mess .

Why did you let them downstairs at that time? At 4 and 6 they are old enough to have boundaries about staying in their room until a respectable time e.g. 6am...... Have the boundary encourages them not to wake too early as no reward for it.....

So whilst the bit about you doing every early morning definitely needs addressing.
On this occasion I think it's unreasonable for kids to keep anyone awake at 4:30 or 5:00 or 5:30.....I would be grumpy too.

Sorry if that seems harsh as you are tired too.

Make this idiot a cup of tea?? Take the kids outside so the Important Man gets some rest?

Why do some women have such low standards?

Why are you letting them downstairs at 4am?
When do you get your lie-in?

I cannot believe there are people blaming you for his absolutely arsehole behaviour.

He sounds like a selfish knob. He needs to grow up.

At that time of the morning I would be telling them to stay in bed/their room quietly

No one needs to be up that time, if he was downstairs with them at the time and they were noisy I may have done what he did too rightly or wrongly

This has made me really angry. In my house, the other parent would go down to see what was going on, and help sort things out. And suggest that the one who had been up since 4 go back to bed for a bit.

I cannot believe there are people blaming you for his absolutely arsehole behaviour.

This. Unbelievable.

He could always fucking parent his children. Imagine that.

Children are sometime unpredictable with sleep. Even at those ages. Why is the OP getting blamed here? The only adult at fault is the selfish man.

He probably thought (in the moment) I don't want to get up to ask them to shut up (might never get back to sleep) so thumpity thump it is. I might well do the same. It was fucking early.

The real issue is the fact that it's always left to you.

Usually I would tell them to go back to bed and they would. Usually it wouldn't be an issue as they accept the fact that they don't get up until the gro clock lights up. This has been an exceptionally crap morning and isn't the norm.

That's not my AIBU. My AIBU is whether my DH is being unfair in responding that way to the exceptionally crappy morning I'm dealing with.

True, not he's gotten up to go to the loo so he could have sent me a message to ask to keep the noise down. He's done that before and I didn't mind, this just feels seriously rude.

Er no if he’s never done night wakings and gets two weekend lie ins that is also completely unacceptable. He sounds like a horrible man.

I’d be going back to work and reducing this awful power imbalance and being financially reliant on him.

Agreed. Clearly he does literally see OP as the maid.

As others have said, they’re old enough to be told to be quiet , stay in bed as its not time to get up. You can all gave a nap later. He’s at work. Id also bang on the floor

That's not my AIBU. My AIBU is whether my DH is being unfair in responding that way to the exceptionally crappy morning I'm dealing with.

Of course he’s being unfair. He’s being an utter cunt. And the fact you’re having to ask shows quite how crap he treats you.