DH banging on ceiling

[anxiousatnight]

I'm a SAHM to children aged 6 and 4. I do the vast majority with the kids. DH works fairly hard in a professional role, but office hours. He doesn't get up until 8 on a weekday and has a lie in until 8:30/9:00 every weekend.

I have done all of the night wakings and can probably count the number of times DH has got up with them in the mornings on my fingers. Kids are early risers.

None of this bothers me, I'm an early bird too and don't mind too much.

However, this morning they've woken up especially early (4:20!) and have been ratty and naughty for the past two hours. It's been a bit noisy downstairs and I've raised my voice a few times.

DH has banged on the floor of the our bedroom (ceiling of sitting room where we are), obviously telling us to keep the noise down.

AIBU to feel really irritated by this? It just feels like he has no sympathy for the fact that I've had to deal with this shit since the early hours and all that's important is his precious sleep. Most mornings are fairly smooth, this one is an exception.

That's not to say it's as bad as being a single parent but it's absolutely worse than being a working parent

I beg your pardon @MisschiefMaker what an ignorant statement. Single parent life isn’t ‘the worst’ situation you can be in. And single parents also work more often than not. Stop with your pathetic stereotypes

OK that is very disrespectful but so are your children. They're old enough to know they're being naughty. It's time for a new routine for everyone. Daddy being a proper dad and helping more. Kids being more considerate of awake times.

So if you DH doesn't get up until 8 in the week and 8/9 at the weekend, when do you get your lie in? Doesn't sound like you do! Our DS is old enough now to get up and sit quietly watching TV etc but when he was still very young me and DH would take it in turns to get up early on a weekend, his lie in was Saturday and mine was Sunday usually. Why doesn't your DH get up one day at the weekend and let you have a lie in?

This!!!

I think you need to read this again until you get it.

4:20!!!

I'd probably also bang on the ceiling. They're old enough to be told and understand "NO - BACK TO BED".

Literally middle of the night.

Poor neighbours

Astonishing that OP didn’t try that simple instruction and instead purposefully got everyone in the house up at that time for shits and giggles.

@spitefulandbadgrammar exaxtly - astonishing.

Because you can bet your bottom dollar that this twat wouldn’t do 50% of parenting. So the Op would be working full time AND doing everything house and child related. Fuck that.

He can get in the bin.

Or their Dad can get up at 4.20am and tell them to go back to bed. You know, the other one of their two parents.

It's quite clearly not literally the middle of the night.

Calm down. You didn't read my comment carefully, or if you did you just didn't understand it.

Of course being a single parent isn't the "worst" but it's harder than being in a partnership where there's a second person contributing either time or money but usually both. And of course single parents usually work as they are singularly responsible for the family's income.

Don't waste your energy getting worked up about MN posts by people you don't know, especially if you aren't even reading them carefully, life is too short. :)

@GoodChat it literally is. I go to bed at around 1230 —0100 and get up for work at 0900.
0420 - literally middle of the night!

0030 - 0100

@MadMadaMim just because you don't sleep in the night, that doesn't change the fact of when the night is.

Your own slightly unusual hours are irrelevant since no 4 and 6 year olds go to bed at 1am and get up at 9am. 4.20am for them is more like”had 90% of the sleep I need, in theory need a bit more but I’ve had enough to take the edge off and Lego is more fun than going back to bed”.

My four year old goes to sleep at 8pm and gets up at 6am. 4.20 is not the middle of the night. 4-6 is also the coldest point of the night and the lightest sleep of the night, it’s a known “oh shit” window when kids wake because they’re difficult to get back down precisely because it’s not the middle of the night. It’s close to morning.

Not quite sure what the point of discussing sleeping hours is? mine woke at 730 so not all children wake at 6. It really doesn’t matter whether it’s the middle of some people’s nights or 80% through.

At 4 and 6 both are old enough to be told to go back to bed and stay
there - particularly the 6 year old.

@LittleBearPad It does make a difference to how hard a night waking is. 1am is a lot easier to go back to sleep than 4am, because you’re more tired. But mostly I’m just here to refute the pp’s insistence that 4.20am is “the middle of the night” because s/he happens to sleep 1-9am – which I agree is irrelevant and not something OP’s husband will have considered when being a dickhead.

Did anyone suggest yet that OP should have just told them to go back to bed? It’s really not clear after hundreds of posts whether that revelatory suggestion has been made.

You’re here to refute that suggestion?

Take ‘literally’ out of the comment and that poster is bang on. It was the middle of the night. Unless you also believe the middle of the day is a very specific point during a day?

Yep @Beelezebub I suggested it - days ago along with a lot of other people.

The middle of the day is 12pm, hence it being called midday. Mid-day.

Look, 4.20 is a fucking ballache. It’s not getting up time. OP admits that and says it’s not a usual occurrence in her house. But it’s also a tricky back-to-sleep time for kids because it’s not the middle of the night. It’s the tail-end of the night.

None of which matters because whether it was the middle of the night or 7.29am and they usually get up at 7.30am, it’s bloody rude to bang on the floor like your wife is your servant and isn’t doing her job properly.

… husband needs to pull up his socks. You are much too tolerant.

i think a week away with a friend or loved one might open his eyes! Don’t make meals, don’t let him get any additional help beyond basic childcare for working hours.

Set better boundaries with the kids. 4&6 is old enough to go back to bed or entertain themselves.

And on a regular weekend you should get one of the mornings for your sleep in!!

it does sound like you need to work on setting boundaries. Husband is mistreating you and kids should have better established … well boundaries! 4:20 is the middle of the night.

@LittleBearPad - exactly my original point. Both old enough to either go back to bed or play quietly.

@GoodChat if anyone is else woke people banging and screeching and whatever else at 420 they would describe it as being woken up in the middle of the night. Maybe 'the early hours' but mostly, middle of the night.

@GoodChat -are you saying 420 am isn't night time??? I do sleep in the night and into morning. Like most people...

Habit of humans. The more you do the more they get onto you. You have to make them do as well. You need a husband not an asshole. You can raise children but can't raise your husband too.