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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH banging on ceiling

350 replies

anxiousatnight · 14/08/2023 06:12

I'm a SAHM to children aged 6 and 4. I do the vast majority with the kids. DH works fairly hard in a professional role, but office hours. He doesn't get up until 8 on a weekday and has a lie in until 8:30/9:00 every weekend.

I have done all of the night wakings and can probably count the number of times DH has got up with them in the mornings on my fingers. Kids are early risers.

None of this bothers me, I'm an early bird too and don't mind too much.

However, this morning they've woken up especially early (4:20!) and have been ratty and naughty for the past two hours. It's been a bit noisy downstairs and I've raised my voice a few times.

DH has banged on the floor of the our bedroom (ceiling of sitting room where we are), obviously telling us to keep the noise down.

AIBU to feel really irritated by this? It just feels like he has no sympathy for the fact that I've had to deal with this shit since the early hours and all that's important is his precious sleep. Most mornings are fairly smooth, this one is an exception.

OP posts:
honeyandfizz · 14/08/2023 06:39

Fuck me I would be up there and pulling the duvet off him and telling him to get his lazy arse down the stairs then get back in bed myself. He is an utter twat and I would have zero respect for him. Do you ever get a lie in? Aside from working hard does he contribute to family life?

Fizzology · 14/08/2023 06:39

Yanbu. A twat bangs on the floor to shut you up. Your life partner should get his arse out of bed, come downstairs, make you a cuppa and find out what's gone wrong and how he can help.

Remaker · 14/08/2023 06:40

One bang on the floor and I’d be up those ducking stairs so fast and give him a bollocking that would most certainly wake him up. What an arsehole.

I was a SAHM until my kids were 6 & 7 and we shared the early morning wake-ups and weekend sleep-ins.

Original poster
anxiousatnight · 14/08/2023 06:41

CeriB82 · 14/08/2023 06:38

As others have said, they’re old enough to be told to be quiet , stay in bed as its not time to get up. You can all gave a nap later. He’s at work. Id also bang on the floor

Ha! There's absolutely no way they will nap later! I will be up for the rest of the day just like he is, the only difference is he's at work and I'm looking after two children.

OP posts:
Totalwasteofpaper · 14/08/2023 06:45

Mumdiva99 · 14/08/2023 06:21

Why did you let them downstairs at that time? At 4 and 6 they are old enough to have boundaries about staying in their room until a respectable time e.g. 6am...... Have the boundary encourages them not to wake too early as no reward for it.....

So whilst the bit about you doing every early morning definitely needs addressing.
On this occasion I think it's unreasonable for kids to keep anyone awake at 4:30 or 5:00 or 5:30.....I would be grumpy too.

Sorry if that seems harsh as you are tired too.

Yes OP. Why are YOU doing this?
Answer: because @Mumdiva99 she is the only fucking adult in the building and a human doing her best completely alone with a DH (dickhead husband) who has checked out.

Honestly what the fuck is wrong with mumsnet these days? We should be helping this woman find her anger. Not gaslighting her so she thinks shes a shit mum who doesnt "try" hard enough.

OP - if i did this to my dh or vice versa there would be serious words and a big response.
I agree the lack of respect is staggering. I'd be finding tactics to make him do some work (by whatever means necessary) and i would be ficusing on my career and ultimately divorce. But i am no ones servant.

Please tell me you dont still sleep with this arsehole?

GoodChat · 14/08/2023 06:45

CeriB82 · 14/08/2023 06:38

As others have said, they’re old enough to be told to be quiet , stay in bed as its not time to get up. You can all gave a nap later. He’s at work. Id also bang on the floor

My 4 yo would go back to her room as told. Then she'd sing and play with her toys. Then she'd go into her little sisters room and they'd play fight. Then someone would cry. Then she'd come into us and wake one of us up to tell us something really important in a stage whisper.

Soontobe60 · 14/08/2023 06:46

He is totally taking you for a mug! It’s the school holidays so you have to supervise your kids 24/7 therefore don’t get a break. The very minimum he should be doing is getting up with them at the weekends to give you a lie in.
During the week, he should be getting up with the kids and you to do breakfasts, get them dressed etc instead of lazing in bed whilst you do it all!
Tell your lazy DH that from now on you will be having one lie in every weekend, meaning he is on kid duty until 10am either Saturday or Sunday. What an arse he is!

gamerchick · 14/08/2023 06:53

Send the kids in to get daddy up. Tell him he ever even thinks about showing such disrespect to you again his arse will be up as well.

WaitingfortheTardis · 14/08/2023 06:56

Dreadful behaviour and an awful example to the children. There's no reason he can't get up earlier some mornings to help with the children before work, he sounds lazy, rude and entitled.

BFwoes · 14/08/2023 06:57

anxiousatnight · 14/08/2023 06:41

Ha! There's absolutely no way they will nap later! I will be up for the rest of the day just like he is, the only difference is he's at work and I'm looking after two children.

Show quote history

It’s interesting which posters you’re replying to. The overwhelming majority of us think you’re in the right and being shockingly disrespected. You’re choosing to only engage with the handful who are criticising you. Why?

WaitingfortheTardis · 14/08/2023 06:59

Also, tell the children that if daddy bangs on the ceiling he must be up and ready to play!

Original poster
anxiousatnight · 14/08/2023 06:59

@BFwoes feeing defensive I suppose.

OP posts:
Original poster
anxiousatnight · 14/08/2023 07:00

WaitingfortheTardis · 14/08/2023 06:59

Also, tell the children that if daddy bangs on the ceiling he must be up and ready to play!

😂

OP posts:
Fizzology · 14/08/2023 07:02

Stop feeling defensive at the internet, take your exhausted self up the stairs and tell your lazy-arse dh to get up and parent his dc.

Then make sure that from here on out, you each have one weekend day to sleep in, and equal amouts of childfree and workfree time.

Berlinlover · 14/08/2023 07:03

Who gets up with their children at 4.20am? I’d be banging on the ceiling too.

BFwoes · 14/08/2023 07:04

Fizzology · 14/08/2023 07:02

Stop feeling defensive at the internet, take your exhausted self up the stairs and tell your lazy-arse dh to get up and parent his dc.

Then make sure that from here on out, you each have one weekend day to sleep in, and equal amouts of childfree and workfree time.

This. @anxiousatnight If you only engage with one post, let it be this one.

LittleBearPad · 14/08/2023 07:09

You’re being treated like a mug OP. In the moment with children who were up at 4am - totally unacceptable and there’s no way I’d have let them get up - banging the floor may be a reaction to being woken up. Not a great one agreed.

However you have been given a second class role in the family, all wake-ups, no lie ins - it’s not on. Get a job and gain some financial independence from your husband.

ClimbingThroughTheWindow · 14/08/2023 07:09

Who gets up with their children at 4.20am? I’d be banging on the ceiling too.

He could always have been the one to settle them back in bed. All these posts saying OP should have told them to go back to bed, maybe OPs arse of a partner could have done that...or the fact he’s a man stop him from doing that?

Blondebutnotlegally · 14/08/2023 07:12

CeriB82 · 14/08/2023 06:38

As others have said, they’re old enough to be told to be quiet , stay in bed as its not time to get up. You can all gave a nap later. He’s at work. Id also bang on the floor

😂 talk about low standards. I've worked full time and I've stayed at home full time. Going to work tired is way easier than entertaining children tired. Fuck him. She's not the help.

xXJoy · 14/08/2023 07:14

That's a really shitty attitude. It says 'minion, control my children while I sleep'' (never mind the fact that it's 4am and you need sleep too.

I'd go off him. Every single time my x did something just as shitty (he never did this, but ...other shitty things) I just got so turned off. He was a good looking man and I ended up so physically revoted by him, by WHO HE WAS.

Poontangle · 14/08/2023 07:14

You need to get back to work. Your DC are school age. Your family doesn't need a full time skivvy any more. Your marriage is fucked anyway so you'll need to work again sooner or later. Only exceptionally tolerant, loving (and well paid) men are prepared to pay for everything indefinitely, and you haven't got one of them.

ChrisPPancake · 14/08/2023 07:16

I'd have sent the kids straight up to him at that point tbh. "Hey kids, Daddy's awake now, why don't you go and use the bed as a trampoline go and say good morning?"
And sit and have a coffee in peace.

Namechangeforthis88 · 14/08/2023 07:16

He doesn't rate what you do with the children as work, and yet somehow he wouldn't do it himself.

It's an easy life when you're doing it and he's the big important man doing the important stuff. If it's not real work, fab, he can take over at the weekend.

What an arse.

ThePoetsWife · 14/08/2023 07:16

Why are you not sharing the parenting at weekends?!

WandaWonder · 14/08/2023 07:17

ClimbingThroughTheWindow · 14/08/2023 07:09

Who gets up with their children at 4.20am? I’d be banging on the ceiling too.

He could always have been the one to settle them back in bed. All these posts saying OP should have told them to go back to bed, maybe OPs arse of a partner could have done that...or the fact he’s a man stop him from doing that?

The op chose to get up and take them downstairs and then they were noisy, that was the OP's choice

Same if my husband chose to get up with our child in the middle of the night and was noisy I would have acted as the OP's husband did