Downstairs neighbour works nights, AIBU?

[WFHWithNightsNeighbour]

It’s just me and a DC aged 9 at home.

Downstairs neighbour works 4 nights a week then has his own DC every Saturday to Monday.

We be as considerate as we can but I wfh 3 days a week, I have already upped my office days by 1 per week to accommodate downstairs. I cannot go in anymore days as we no longer have our own desks and there’s more staff than desks, we have to book and we’re only guaranteed 1 day per week in the office, I had to argue for 2 days.

Which means at least 3 days per week I am wfh. Sadly my office days are Monday (when he’s off) and Thursday. I have no control over my days, I can’t swap them unless I have a face to face meeting on another day which doesn’t tend to happen.

I don’t run my washing machine in the day, I don’t use my hoover in the week at all, I don’t play music while I’m working.

But I do have to take virtual meetings, sometimes with clients. These are usually 2-3 times a day for 30-60minutes at a time.

I do these at the kitchen table which is the furthest room from downstairs bedroom. I use noise cancelling headphones and talk as quietly as possible. I get that it’s noisy but I have to work, if I don’t work then my own mental health suffers. I love my job.

I don't let DC run around inside with shoes on, and they're at school in term time or holiday club in holidays unless I'm on Annual Leave (I don't WFH with my DC at home).

Apparently, I’m constantly disturbing him, he can hear me typing reports and taking calls. He's been woken up several times over the last week by me working and he's knocked on my door each time. He’s also complained to our housing association previously who sympathised but basically told him it was normal household noise. I know because I've had a letter which had the title "Noise Complaint" but said "We've visited the complainents property at the times of day the complaint was made about and decided that this falls into the category of everyday household noise and therefore no action will be taken. No further complaints on this matter will be considered"

He then accused me of running a business from my flat (which is against tenancy) but they came and saw it was just a wfh job and said it was fine.They did ask me if I could go into the office more but when I showed them the email from my manager saying he had to cap it at 2 days per week and the reasons why they said that he (downstairs) would have to cope.

What else can I do? I don’t want to fall out with him. No chance of being rehoused as there’s a CAO for contact which states I have to live within a certain distance of ExH and we’re already at that boundary, I’ve been offered further away but when I discussed it with ExH he said he’d take me back to court over it which I can’t afford either mentally or monetary – the last case cost me over £15k which I’m still repaying 4 years after it ended.

In the nicest possible way, I don't think this is your problem. It's your neighbour's problem.

You're just living in your home in a perfectly reasonable manner. Your landlord is aware that you wfh and is fine with that.

He's going to have to buy earplugs/suck it up.

I wouldn't do any more than you are doing. Your housing association has said that you are not making unusual or unreasonable amounts of noise. If he is that sensitive to noise then he has to get earplugs or move to somewhere that is not a flat. Don't answer the door to him when you are working and don't entertain his nonsense.

Neighbour needs to get some earplugs. You have been very considerate, more than many others would have been.

I say this as someone who houseshared with a friend who worked nights and had the ground floor bedroom (right next to the kitchen), as someone who has prev worked nights myself, and as someone whose DP works nights.

Umm, he is being unreasonable. Just ignore him and get on with your life. If he can't cope with the (reasonable) disturbance he needs to find somewhere quieter and move. This is not your problem to solve.

Not your problem at all. At most I'd make sure I had decent carpets and rugs down for some soundproofing, but if he wants it any quieter he will have to put ear plugs in. You already do enough to accommodate him.

Why doesn’t he change his shifts or job or move away? If that seems unreasonable to you then it’s the same as him asking the same of you.
Refuse to engage with this any more - you’ve done what you can and have the backing of your landlord.
If he continues to knock whilst you’re working then I’d consider complaining about harassment.

Would you expect someone who works nights above you to be quiet at night ? If not, YANBU

@EvilElsa I have thick carpets down in every room apart from bathroom and kitchen as per my tenancy.

You have been very accommodating and gone above and beyond what a downstairs neighbor can reasonably expect. I don't see what more you could be expected to do.

I feel for the guy, being on an opposite schedule from most of the world isn't easy. Earplugs, white noise machines, insulating window coverings...you're still stuck trying to sleep during the day which is hard for many people. But you can't become a nocturnal creature to accommodate him.

As above, you seem to be being very reasonable.

Just as an extra, is there anything you can do about flooring? If it's wood/laminate then some rugs might help.

You’ve already done more than most people would. As my teens would say, ‘this sounds like a him problem’.

I can hear my upstairs neighbours toilet flush, does he expect you not to shit too?

If he can't use earplugs like any other nightshift worker I've ever met, he needs to move or put up with it. Why would you even feel the need to justify why you can't relocate? You've nothing to feel bad about here.

Good grief he is being an arse! I get it- working nights is hard. My own DH did it for years. Big 'but' here - he never once complained about noise even though I did six month mat leave with newborn in the same house. Your neighbour needs good earplugs and a fan running in his room for white noise and to stop expecting you to pander to him. I'm annoyed for you! the noise you make is minimal and the world does not revolve around him.

@CyberCritical Thick carpet in every room apart from Bathroom and Kitchen as per tenancy, I do have mats down in the bathroom but layout of kitchen (long and thin with a bigger part where the table is) means I can't put a rug in there.

You are doing more than enough to try and accommodate him. In fact I think you are going too far. Stop trying to speak quietly when you are working. I work nights and one of the issues will always be other people making normal daytime noise. It irritates me when my neighbour is mowing their lawn or using power tools and I'm trying to sleep but it wouldn't cross my mind to complain as it's not their fault I work nights. He needs to come up with a solution not you.

Your HA have been clear. It’s normal household noise. He will need to get over it or move himself.

Don't stress anymore. In fact further complaints could be seen as harassment.

Do nothing. It’s his problem, not yours. Stop answering the door.

Coming from someone who works nights... he's being a twat.
I work 2 to 3 nights a week and when I get into bed I put on an eye mask and ear plugs.
Every day noises are expected and I can not expect the world to stop just because I need to sleep.
Ignore him and if he carries in harassing you report him to the police. You shouldn't have to put up with his nonsense.

He needs to suck it up then

look my dad worked 12 hour night shifts for years normal household noise didn't disturb him if you can't hack it you need to change jobs

Agree it is up to him to find ways to mask the noise so he can sleep. I had a neighbour who complained to me about noise all the time, even though she was above me. New people moved in and said they never heard me. He sounds over sensitised to noise and needs to do something about it. You can’t make yourself miserable over this.

1. you’ve done nothing wrong he’s taking the piss
2. i used to work nights and i was so tired as a result I once fell asleep in a rave. If he’s actually that knackered he’ll sleep through a bit of everyday noise.
3. Practical suggestion - could you swap flats with him? You mentioned being willing to move. Maybe a conversation to have with him.
4. is he bullying you? I’m a single mum and have had to let my neighbours know not to take advantage of me. One started looking in my shed he got an extremely unpleasant and firm telling off and hasn’t bothered me since.

All you do is normal household noises, and actually I would say you do the extra mile in that anyway. I work 4 nights every fortnight too, and sleep 9 - 5 daytime. Tanks can go, I don't give a damn, my own household is way more noisy and I told everyone at home years ago that they can do whatever, it doesn't disturb me, plus we have 4 dogs who bark and come in and out of the room to sleep with me for a bit then out, I don't even feel them.
Your neighbour is either very lightsleeper or he can't sleep on day time, because his body can't adjust to work at nights.
But to be quiet at home in DAYTIME it's really too much.

Yabu to pander to him as much as you already do! I work nights, and I quite often have the washing machine on first thing in the morning before I get in to bed. Then when i wake I'll hang it out to dry.

What does everyone think about this though- I’m a night person and get complaints for walking because it’s at night

Agree with a previous poster, I think you have if anything done too much. I would live your normal life and ignore. Clearly the council and whoever else has visited agree - you have a right to operate normally like a normal person during normal hours.

Honestly tell this guy to take a hike, total bs frankly. He needs earplugs and a white noise machine if he wants to simulate night time during the day