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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Downstairs neighbour works nights, AIBU?

241 replies

WFHWithNightsNeighbour · 13/08/2023 23:38

It’s just me and a DC aged 9 at home.

Downstairs neighbour works 4 nights a week then has his own DC every Saturday to Monday.

We be as considerate as we can but I wfh 3 days a week, I have already upped my office days by 1 per week to accommodate downstairs. I cannot go in anymore days as we no longer have our own desks and there’s more staff than desks, we have to book and we’re only guaranteed 1 day per week in the office, I had to argue for 2 days.

Which means at least 3 days per week I am wfh. Sadly my office days are Monday (when he’s off) and Thursday. I have no control over my days, I can’t swap them unless I have a face to face meeting on another day which doesn’t tend to happen.

I don’t run my washing machine in the day, I don’t use my hoover in the week at all, I don’t play music while I’m working.

But I do have to take virtual meetings, sometimes with clients. These are usually 2-3 times a day for 30-60minutes at a time.

I do these at the kitchen table which is the furthest room from downstairs bedroom. I use noise cancelling headphones and talk as quietly as possible. I get that it’s noisy but I have to work, if I don’t work then my own mental health suffers. I love my job.

I don't let DC run around inside with shoes on, and they're at school in term time or holiday club in holidays unless I'm on Annual Leave (I don't WFH with my DC at home).

Apparently, I’m constantly disturbing him, he can hear me typing reports and taking calls. He's been woken up several times over the last week by me working and he's knocked on my door each time. He’s also complained to our housing association previously who sympathised but basically told him it was normal household noise. I know because I've had a letter which had the title "Noise Complaint" but said "We've visited the complainents property at the times of day the complaint was made about and decided that this falls into the category of everyday household noise and therefore no action will be taken. No further complaints on this matter will be considered"

He then accused me of running a business from my flat (which is against tenancy) but they came and saw it was just a wfh job and said it was fine.They did ask me if I could go into the office more but when I showed them the email from my manager saying he had to cap it at 2 days per week and the reasons why they said that he (downstairs) would have to cope.

What else can I do? I don’t want to fall out with him. No chance of being rehoused as there’s a CAO for contact which states I have to live within a certain distance of ExH and we’re already at that boundary, I’ve been offered further away but when I discussed it with ExH he said he’d take me back to court over it which I can’t afford either mentally or monetary – the last case cost me over £15k which I’m still repaying 4 years after it ended.

OP posts:
WFHWithNightsNeighbour · 16/08/2023 15:07

JenniferBooth · 16/08/2023 12:56

Having thick carpets and rugs in a top floor flat also makes it even hotter so thats already a sacrifice those in this situation are having to make Coupled with the ridiculous over insulation its made my flat like a furnace Hence the increase in the amount of baths i have to have. Im not going to bed all stinky and sweaty to appease neighbours because the HA cant get its act together. Especially when the thick carpets and rugs are for my downstairs neighbours fucking benefit When i get up in the morning the only thing thats been on overnight is the fridge freezer and yet is like a fucking sauna.

@JenniferBooth I sleep with all my windows open except DCs room even in the depths of winter as it's so hot! And I get through so much gas as we shower twice a day in the summer.

OP posts:
saffy2 · 16/08/2023 15:10

Who are these 2% maniacs who think you’re unreasonable?! 🙈😂

ThatWhiteElephant · 16/08/2023 15:31

This is his problem. You have tried your best to resolve these issues, I don't see that you can do anymore.

browneyes77 · 16/08/2023 20:01

I live in a flat (similar to your set up. 6 flats. 2 on each floor. HA. I’m first/middle floor so have a neighbour above and below).

(I also WFH. My job is field based though so I’m wfh 5 days per week)

So I get the set up and your situation.

You have been as considerate as you possibly can. And you cannot walk around your home like a mouse making no noise at all. He’s being an unreasonable arse.

Next time he comes knocking, I would tell him to get some earplugs for sleeping. Problem solved.

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 16/08/2023 20:03

are any of the flats under him empty?

if so that will be making things noisier and there’s nothing you can do to fix that

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 16/08/2023 20:16

When I worked nights I shoved my ear plugs in and once I was asleep dh could hoover, come in the room and put laundry away and all sorts without disturbing me. Until about 1pm. At 1pm if I woke up, and I often did, then that was it for me and I wouldn't get back to sleep. Which given I wasn't often in bed until 9.30 was previous little sleep.

So I do get it, sleeping after nights can be hard but as others have said you are being more than considerate and he'll have to suck it up and look at implementing techniques himself such as ear plugs and/or white noise because you have the right to normal enjoyment of your home.

Ineedasitdown · 16/08/2023 20:32

How does he hear you typing on a laptop? Does he have the ears of a bat? He is definitely unreasonable. He needs to find himself a house in the middle of a field if he is that noise intolerant and I say that as someone who has worked nights.

WFHWithNightsNeighbour · 16/08/2023 20:34

YetMoreNewBeginnings · 16/08/2023 20:03

are any of the flats under him empty?

if so that will be making things noisier and there’s nothing you can do to fix that

@YetMoreNewBeginnings Yes, the only flat occupied on the otherside of the building is the same floor as him, the other 2 on my floor and bottom floor are empty.

OP posts:
YetMoreNewBeginnings · 16/08/2023 20:38

WFHWithNightsNeighbour · 16/08/2023 20:34

@YetMoreNewBeginnings Yes, the only flat occupied on the otherside of the building is the same floor as him, the other 2 on my floor and bottom floor are empty.

That's the problem then. Empty flats will be offering no soundproofing - especially if all the carpets have been lifted - and everything will be echoing around. Plus there is no other day-to-day noise to muffle or normalise the noise coming from you so he's got extra ridiculously sensitive to it.

There is nothing you can do to help him - the empty flats are the issue.

nameitagain · 16/08/2023 20:54

I would point out to him that you have done XXXX to accommodate him and frankly that is more than anyone else is likely to to do. He needs to get some earplugs and accept that as he is the one with unsocial hours, it's his issue not yours. If you were to move chances are he would be stuck with someone 100 x worse for him

nameitagain · 16/08/2023 20:55

Annaishere · 13/08/2023 23:54

What does everyone think about this though- I’m a night person and get complaints for walking because it’s at night

Start your own thread

FlipFlop1987 · 16/08/2023 21:42

It might have been mentioned previously but it sounds like he has misophonia, an irrational response to noise. I have it too and it’s a nightmare. I had to leave my flat years ago and also hated being semi detached. Finally more comfortable when we went detached but there’s still neighbour noises I dislike. I can differentiate what is probably acceptable noise (though it still annoys me) but some sufferers will literally be irate at the smallest noises, particularly repetitive ones like a child bouncing a ball, DIY or the constant keyboard tapping.
I don’t think YABU, WFH and taking a few calls and computer typing is pretty standard daytime noise. Sadly it’s for him to find coping strategies.

Heronwatcher · 16/08/2023 21:44

Probably not possible but can’t he ask to be moved to one of the empty flats a bit further away?

Otherwise, do nothing more to appease him. You’ve done enough. If he complains just say that as he knows this is normal household noise. Repeat ad infinitim.

It’s his choice to work nights, his choice to live in a flat, his choice I suspect not to wear earplugs. You have to work and bring up your kids, his daytime sleep doesn’t trump that. The sooner he realises that nothing more will change the better.

If he keeps on complaining or shows the slightest bit of nastiness report him to the HA and the police for harassment.

JenniferBooth · 20/08/2023 14:12

The one underneath me seems to be escalating. The banging has got harder. And he called me a stupid cunt when i went down to the recycling earlier

Irridescantshimmmer · 20/08/2023 14:18

He'll just have to get himself ear plugs and wind his neck in as you have to work, its your livlihood after all.

Don't go making any more changes at work just because he's an awkward sod😂 you have already done enough as it is.

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