Downstairs neighbour works nights, AIBU?

[WFHWithNightsNeighbour]

It’s just me and a DC aged 9 at home.

Downstairs neighbour works 4 nights a week then has his own DC every Saturday to Monday.

We be as considerate as we can but I wfh 3 days a week, I have already upped my office days by 1 per week to accommodate downstairs. I cannot go in anymore days as we no longer have our own desks and there’s more staff than desks, we have to book and we’re only guaranteed 1 day per week in the office, I had to argue for 2 days.

Which means at least 3 days per week I am wfh. Sadly my office days are Monday (when he’s off) and Thursday. I have no control over my days, I can’t swap them unless I have a face to face meeting on another day which doesn’t tend to happen.

I don’t run my washing machine in the day, I don’t use my hoover in the week at all, I don’t play music while I’m working.

But I do have to take virtual meetings, sometimes with clients. These are usually 2-3 times a day for 30-60minutes at a time.

I do these at the kitchen table which is the furthest room from downstairs bedroom. I use noise cancelling headphones and talk as quietly as possible. I get that it’s noisy but I have to work, if I don’t work then my own mental health suffers. I love my job.

I don't let DC run around inside with shoes on, and they're at school in term time or holiday club in holidays unless I'm on Annual Leave (I don't WFH with my DC at home).

Apparently, I’m constantly disturbing him, he can hear me typing reports and taking calls. He's been woken up several times over the last week by me working and he's knocked on my door each time. He’s also complained to our housing association previously who sympathised but basically told him it was normal household noise. I know because I've had a letter which had the title "Noise Complaint" but said "We've visited the complainents property at the times of day the complaint was made about and decided that this falls into the category of everyday household noise and therefore no action will be taken. No further complaints on this matter will be considered"

He then accused me of running a business from my flat (which is against tenancy) but they came and saw it was just a wfh job and said it was fine.They did ask me if I could go into the office more but when I showed them the email from my manager saying he had to cap it at 2 days per week and the reasons why they said that he (downstairs) would have to cope.

What else can I do? I don’t want to fall out with him. No chance of being rehoused as there’s a CAO for contact which states I have to live within a certain distance of ExH and we’re already at that boundary, I’ve been offered further away but when I discussed it with ExH he said he’d take me back to court over it which I can’t afford either mentally or monetary – the last case cost me over £15k which I’m still repaying 4 years after it ended.

I agree with everyone else, so the next time he tackles you about it, I would say 'Look, I've bent over backward to try and keep you happy by keeping the noise down as far as possible. The authorities have already told you that the noise that I make is within acceptable limits. So now I think it's up to you to take some action, if you don't already, I suggest that you get some really good ear plugs, and play white noise in the background, and if all else fails, you have two choices, change your job, or move house, as I've done all I'm going to do. Goodbye'.

I worked nights for years. Next door had a loft conversion done and the builders apologised that they had taken the roof off when I left the house to go and get the kids from school. I assured them that they could have taken MY roof off and I would have slept through it because I was so knackered lol
Your neighbour needs to either learn to block out noise a bit or change his shifts.

It’s his problem OP. As your HA has already said.

He is noise sensitive / working unsocial hours in a badly insulated block of flats.

To anything he says going forward say ‘It’s normal household noise, the insulation here isn’t great - I hope you can get the HA to find your somewhere more suitable’

Don’t even say a casual ‘I’m sorry but..’ because that’s feeding the idea it’s your fault. You are doing too much to accommodate him - he isn’t more important than you, so ease off any restrictions you want to slowly.

If he makes any threats report them to the HA in a calm way.

youre not doing anything tell him youre not willing to discuss it anymore

he can hear yo0u typing ffs thats just a lie

my dh works nights he accepts people are noisy thats how it is he wears earplugs

"Apparently, I’m constantly disturbing him, he can hear me typing reports and taking calls."
He can hear you typing? Typing? Unless you're working on a 1950s metal typewriter that goes 'ding!' with every mechanical carriage return, he's taking the piss here. Or, the sound insulation between the flats is incredibly poor (and I do mean incredibly).

If the sound insulation is that poor, he needs to raise it with the housing association. Or move. He cannot expect total silence, it's impossible. Your housing association has visited and has put it in writing that "No further complaints on this matter will be considered" so really, that's that.

As other people have pointed out, his constant complaints now constitute harassment. Next time he knocks on your door, tell him so, and that you will be logging his interruptions to your work and will raise it with the housing association and the police if he persists.

Now stop walking on eggshells and try to stop letting him control your behaviour. I suspect your ex was controlling? I wonder if something in your earlier interactions with your neighbour (being accommodating and , well, nice) tipped him off that you could be pushed around, and he's bastard enough to do just that. So take that knowledge, and stop being accommodating. You have every right to live your life without creeping around trying to be silent.

I wonder if putting the washing machine on every time he comes to your door might make the point?

The fact he has complained about you disturbing him and referred to hearing you TYPE reports- just highlights how ridiculous his expectations are
Typing is hardly a noisy inconsiderate activity.

I agree with all the previous posters- you have been very considerate. You can honestly do no more. Please Do not feel guilty - he needs to re think his career or home if he is a horrifically sensitive sleeper.

The only thing that you could do would be to put insulation in between your floor and his ceiling. That's a landlord problem/issue.

Well the HA have made their decision haven’t they. It’s normal household noise (and it is) so he’ll have to play white noise and put in some ear plugs. Or move, up to him.

You’ve been very accommodating, more accommodating than most. From here on in I would ignore him, I certainly wouldn’t be answering the door to his moaning. In fact I would get in touch with the HA myself and tell them he’s bothering you for no reason. Get them to tell him to stop.

I’d lose my patience fast with anyone constantly knocking on my door during my workday interrupting me for no good reason. I find it interesting how he deems that acceptable actually. No respect for your job but you need to respect his? Interesting.

I’d make it clear that the LA have made their decision and now HE needs to deal with it, it’s no longer your concern. And any further knocking on your door is harassment, keep a diary now and report him if it continues.

DS worked all nights and now does some nights. A digger digging up our drive did not wake him last year and he can sleep through anything. There is no way I could never have worked night shifts as I am such a light sleeper, I’m guessing your neighbour is the same.

He would be best off trying to sleep with white noise in the background or something.

Stop pandering to him. You are allowed to make reasonable noise. Your kids are allowed to play. It's currently 1:29am and I'm watching TV with the washing machine running. Never had a noise complaint and lived here a decade, and it's a flat. You are being far too reasonable to be quiet for him in the day. Life your life. That sounds stressful.

Live your life, even 🤣

I work nightshifts. I use white noise when I sleep during the day. It's a game changer. Your neighbour is being unreasonable.

Suggest ear plugs

I work nights my elderly neighbour cuts his very large lawn every other day. And the days in between he's jet washing everything in site

But. I haven't said anything because I'm not a self centred arsehole!

His work pattern is not your issue. He's you're neighbour not your husband.

I keep my windows closed and leave the tv on low whilst I sleep and they tends to drown outside noises out. But my sleep is my responsibility not my neighbours

You've already been more than accommodating. Just ignore.

I worked night shifts for years,I used ear plugs.I lived in a busy household,I didn’t expect my family to stop living whilst I slept!

The neighbour sounds like a bully,don’t pander to him any more.Doubt he would be doing this if you were a man.Sick of hearing about men who are bullies.Don’t answer the door to him again,it is his problem,don’t make it yours.

He has taken his complaint as far as he can so now he just has to live with it or take whatever measures HE needs to take, this is not on you. If he continues to knock on your door, or approach you to complain, I would make it very clear that you view such actions as harassment and will be contacting the police if he doesn’t stop. Nobody wants to fall out with their neighbours but you can’t live your life afraid of annoying him.

If your neighbour wants peace and quiet he can go buy himself a detached house.

Honestly OP, I think you are being really considerate. It’s now a him problem, not a you problem.

As a shift worker, he must be a light sleeper

Go about your day as normal
Use the washing machine, TV, hoover etc

He can change his job, if he has issues sleeping

He's not managing with working nightshifts, simple as that.
Ive worked shifts for over 20 years, if your tired you'll sleep - He needs earplugs maybe.
His problem not yours, if you live around other people your going to hear them. The world doesnt stop just because you work nights - youve been more than accomodating so stop worrying about it.

It's really not your problem. I work nights and would not expect my neighbours to cut down their normal household noise so I can sleep.

This is me. I work 3 nights straight and when I go to sleep I don’t hear anything until my alarm goes off. My children are at home even with my son’s tv on loud I hear nothing!

Sounds like the building has terrible sound proofing if he can hear your calls and typing from the other end of the house.

I would be a bit concerned about confidentialy / privacy with clients given he can hear you. Different issue from sleep.

I have lived upstairs and downstairs and also worked nights. I was never a great day sleeper and had both upstairs and downstairs neighbours when I worked nights. It does wear you down both mentally and physically but the options are to move as you can't manage anyone's environment but your own. Some jobs / careers just come with nights. You can't just switch to straight days.

I work a lot of nights and sleep in the day in a busy house with 3 young children and barky dogs. Some white noise does wonders for blocking them out!